What makes you pessimistic about yourself?

I cannot do this.

I am just not talented enough.

Oh! I’ve never done it before.

What do you think is the reason behind being so pessimistic about yourself?

Is it because you’ve encountered so many failures in that department that you have given up hope?


Is it because of some strongly held beliefs about yourself?




Take your time and think.

Carol Dweck conducted a study on this.

She worked with middle schools and selected those boys and girls who in the opinion of their teachers, school principal and school psychologist were especially “helpless” when confronted by failure.

She then divided the children into two groups. The first group was assigned to solve some math problems and at the end of session no matter how their performance, they received praise for doing well.

The second group was also told to slove math problems. Occassionally they were told that they hadn’t solved enough problems and that “they should’ve tried harder”

After some days, all children were given a combination of easy and very difficult problems to slove.

If failures were the reason for their helplessness, the students in first group should do better because, the appreciative feedback would boost their motivated.

On the other hand if the main cause of helplessness was how the children interpreted themselves and their abilities, the encouragement to try harder would prove effective.

The result was that the students from first group gave up on encountering hard problems just as they did before the training.

But children from second group tried harder while solving difficult problems.

From this, we realise that maybe more than failures itself, it is the interpretation of failures that matter.

If instead of looking at failure and saying “I lack here. I will never try this again” we trust ourself and say “I will try harder next time” things could improve.


“It’s okay”
“It happens”
“Don’t worry”
“Everything will be alright”

I find myself saying this to my friends, family and colleagues

But when something goes wrong with me
All I say is –
“You could’ve done better”
“How dumb you are!”
“What will they think about you?”

I fight myself while I try to heal others
I am harsh on myself
While I try to be kind to others

I need to remind myself
I am human too
I make mistakes too
I am allowed to forgive myself

I need to give myself what I’ve given others
I need to love myself the way I love others

© Vrunda Chauk

Note to self – 6 (when you don’t get what you want)

That frustration you experience when you’re trying hard but still not getting what you want..

When you are so passionate about something and want it badly, still you have to wait…

Ever felt that?

It’s happening with me.

After lot of efforts to change my mood, I wrote this – (something I really needed to hear)

Dear Self,

I am proud of you for the efforts you’re putting in to get this.

I understand how badly you want it. And I know you will get it soon.

Keep going, I’m here to cheer you. You are doing great.

I know it’s not working.

But something that’s more important than success is the process of getting there. Make sure you enjoy the grind, the process, try to have some fun and keep going.

There is no ray of light now, but I can promise you, if you keep going your sunshine is not far away.

This frustration that you’re experiencing now, remember one day you will be telling people how you overcame it and “made it to the top

By the time, try to improve your game. See what else you have to learn, what risks you can take, this is the time you have nothing to loose. Just give it your all and keep faith.

Your future is bright!

Cheering for you,


Daring greatly

Something to remember when things get tough and people start mocking at you or telling you how better can you do…. when you start to loose courage and feel overwhelmed by everything….

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of the the deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deeds who knows greater enthusiasms, the greater devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause,

who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, fails while daring greatly….

-Theodore Roosevelt

Writing a diary…

I’ve started writing a diary since the start of this month.

I always wondered, why do people keep diaries? Why to write you day in it? It won’t be of any use in future…

Recently, I came across a very beautiful article written on WordPress by a girl who kept writing a dairy since she was 7/8 years old. The way she told her experience and the beautiful way in which she conveyed the importance and need of writing a diary touched my heart.

Therefore I decided to write a diary and see what happens.

Also when I started, I was having emotional imbalance. I read it somewhere that writing about your emotions helps.

So that’s what pushed me to try this new ritual.

I’ve been writing for a month now and I realised that everything that girl mentioned in her blog was so true! And there are many other benefits as well.

I’d like to share them with you.

Here are few ways in which keeping a dairy helped me –

1. Improved my writing.

I feel it much easier to express my emotions through words now.

As I write about my daily life and what happened and how I felt, it also kinda improves my storytelling. Every day when you write a diary, you eventually try different and interesting ways to tell the incident.

It’s fun!

2. Reduced my overthinking.

When you are writing about something, you tend to analyse it. You cannot write the same stuff again and again. At some point (usually after 3-5 mins) you run out of negative thoughts to write.

That’s helpful. It helps you gain clarity on your thoughts. When your thoughts are on paper, it’s easy to analyse them and rule out the ones that really don’t make any sense.

But when these same thoughts continue to stay in your head, you get into downward spiral of overthinking.

3. I can enjoy good memories, any time! 🙂

Yes! When you’re writing about your good emotions, note the details of the situation and express yourself.

When you go through it the next week you will feel as if you’re living the experience once again.

You will feel grateful for those beautiful moments you had in your life.

4. I realised every day is new.

Now this might sound pretty obvious. But when you write diary you truly feel it. Every single day is unique, no matter how same your tedious chores are. There are many different things that happen every day.

I used to think how boring my life is, doing the same repetitive tasks again and again. But now I understand, there are many small, new elements you can include in your daily life to make it more interesting.

This might also remind you that every day is a fresh start and you have the ability to make it more beautiful.

5. Reduces stress –

When you are stressed or overwhelmed and there are so many thoughts in your mind that you find hard to control, writing them down can be helpful.

Once they are on paper, they do not bother you that much.

6. Makes it easy to reflect on yourself –

It gives you time and opportunity to think about yourself. About your feelings, about your growth, about your problems and about your happiness.

Life is short. It goes by quick. Between out hectic schedules it’s easy to miss out the little moments of happiness and growth. You need to hold on to those little moments and reflect on them. Pay attention to them. Live them.

7. It makes it super easy to track your progress –

You want to develop a habit. Or you want to read 500 pages of the novel this month.

All of these tasks need you to keep a track record of your progress.

How cool would it be to write that – You are following up on your habit or you are on your way to achieve your goal every day in your diary!

You’d feel proud and happy. Even when you are not able to keep up to your word, when you write about it, you feel the need to continue the behaviour in future.

So that’s how this “new” behaviour has now become my helpful habit.

You can try this out too guys!

What is your experience with writing a diary? Or starting a new habit?

Please share in the comments below!

I’d like to read! 🙂

Hope you all are having a fantastic week my friends!!

Want long term happiness in your career? This can help

Do you like Japan? Oh I love it! The culture of Japan sounds pretty awesome! Their food, their dresses, their anime, their traditions, their lifestyle… It fascinates me.

Okay so, this post is not about Japan. You might be wondering what long term happiness has to do with Japan?!

Oh well, there’s a reason I talked about Japan because the concept that I’m going to introduce to you, originally comes from Japan.

So what does it mean to be happy?

How can you achieve long term happiness?

Japanese people have this really interesting concept that I’m going to share with you all today, which many people have found to bring long term happiness in their lives.

It’s called ‘Ikigai’

What is Ikigai?

So Ikigai literally means a “reason for being”. The word Ikigai has been derived from ‘iki’ meaning life and ‘kai’ meaning realisation of hopes and expectations.

Its something you can do every single day which can make you happy in the long term.

“Happiness cannot be attained by wanting to be happy – it must come as the unintended consequence of working for a goal greater than oneself.”

– Victor Frankl

Many people think not having to do anything will make them happy. Seriously?!

You can spend a week without doing anything. But what next? You gotta do something in your life! You can to do something you like, something you’re good at and something that brings happiness and meaning in your life.

Now speaking of work, let me be clear. Don’t think that “If you love what you do, you won’t have to work a single day in your life”. I haven’t found that to be true.

I mean doing what you love is definitely interesting and cool but it still feels like work. You get tired and exhausted but you have to keep going.

But if you choose your work, based on the following guidelines, you will be happy with your work and achieve long term happiness and satisfaction in your life.

Now, tell me –

1. What is the activity that you love doing? Something you really like to do and can spend hours doing that.

Because if you want to be happy, you need to do something you like. Or you might not want to pursue it long term.

2. What is something you’re good at? I mean what’s your strength? What is something that you can do much better than others?

Oh you cannot do something you’re not good at and be happy! haha… I mean you need to have the necessary skills to keep going. Or you might get bored soon or even depressed.

3. What is something that you can get paid for? I mean how can you earn money by doing what you like?

Money matters! You need to get paid well to enjoy your life. Yeah, I know money can’t buy happiness. But if money is spent to get some kind of experience, it can make you happy! Because memories last longer than material things and you can cherish them and be happy.

4. Is what you like to do beneficial to the world in some way? How can you help others by what you do and bring a positive change in their lives? Or how can you ease their lives by solving a problem and make a difference?

You are happy when you help others. Many studies have proven this. When someone tells you you’ve made a positive impact in their life or helped them in some manner, how does that feel? You feel extremely happy right? You are also satisfied with your life and your work when you’re constantly seeing the positive impact you’re making.

There are four combinations that come from these 4 criterion.

If you do something you love and something you’re good at –

That’s your passion.

But having a passion is not enough.

You gotta find ways you can get paid for it and figure out how it can be helpful or beneficial to others.

If you do something you’re good at and something you can get paid for –

That’s your profession.

Many people have their profession, but according to Ikigai, to be more happy you need to figure out whether you really love what you’re doing and how can you change the world for the better by doing so.

If you something that you get paid for and you believe it makes the world a better place –

That’s a Vocation.

But that’s not enough either. You need to figure out how can you get better at this or how can you improve your service and whether or not you like the job you do.

If you do something the world needs and something you love –

That’s your Mission.

Now it’s great to have a mission! But you also need to figure out how can you get paid well for your services and how can you improve your work, how can you get better and better at what you do.

And if –

You have the all four…


You are going to be happy and satisfied with your work in the long run.

So, keep doing what you’re doing!

I also want you to remember that this is not the only criteria to be happy.

Doing this may not be actually possible for some people and I totally get it! It’s okay. Life has many more chances to be happy.

But if you’re struggling with your job, work, profession, career, this can definitely help. This is something you can strive to achieve.

To be honest with you guys I have a Mission right now. I need to figure out a way to earn from it and how to get better at what I do.

Hopefully I’ll be able to achieve the balance soon.

What about you guys, what do you have? What do you need to work on?

Did you find this interesting and helpful?

Please let me know in the comments below!

Thank you so much for being here!❤️

Hope you have a happy and productive week!! 🙂

Lessons learnt in teenage

As I step into my twenties I realise…. (Oh my!!!!! I am a grown up now!! Does this mean I cannot act like a kid anymore??? I remember it as yesterday when I called my mum to ask where the grocery shop is.. Oh wait! Maybe that really happened yesterday 😂)

Sooo, as you see I’ve (technically) grown up and now I’m going to tell you what I’ve learnt through my teenage.

I wanted this post to have a ‘formal’ start… But anyway… It’s the real me that I’ll be sharing in this post so yeah… I guess goofing around is fine..

Here’s what I’ve learnt –

Life is changing constantly and you need to adapt and be okay with it.

Nothing is permanent. We all have felt that moment when we were like – this is it! This is my life and these are the people I want to spend it with.

Here’s the truth – It doesn’t happen so always. And that’s okay.

The people you are currently with may not be with you forever and that’s okay.

Enjoy your time with them. Live your life. Make memories. Have fun. Cherish eachother. Don’t expect this to last forever.

People come and go. If they leave it doesn’t mean they are bad or you are at fault – it just means that their chapter in your life is over.

As some people leave, others will enter your life too. They may not be able to replace the people earlier but that’s okay.

Different people teach you different things, give you different memories and make your life beautiful.

They add colours to your blank canvas of life. Every colour may not be beautiful, but the final painting will be.

I lost touch with my best friend from school last year. We were so close and suddenly that bond we had wasn’t as strong as before. It wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t mine either. It’s just that we changed. Our needs were different. Our mindsets were different. I felt terrible after loosing contact with her, but I understood (eventually) that it was time for us to go where we feel connected and comfortable. I guess that’s how life works. People come and go. Things change. You change.

Last year even a wonderful person entered my life. She is the perfect elder sister you could have – Caring, pampering, kind, supportive and understanding. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. We aren’t real sisters but I feel connected to her. And she didn’t replace my high school bestie, I admire both of them and they both have a special place in my heart.

So you see – It changes. Be okay with that. You change. Life goes on. Stay hopeful.

And if you’re someone promising ‘forevers’ well that’s good – try your best to make it work but if it doesn’t, let go.

My life doesn’t have to look like my friend’s and vice versa.

You won’t always get the beautiful thing your friends have but that doesn’t mean you won’t get anything beautiful.

Some of my friends go to pub, bar, go on vacations frequently and I don’t get to experience that. But that’s okay – it doesn’t mean I am not happy or I don’t have what I need.

My life doesn’t need to look like theirs. Your life and your experiences are beautiful and unique in their own way.

Thinking that – If I get a car of my own (like my friend has) I’ll be happy, doesn’t work.

You might feel like the glamorous life is beautiful and exciting and fun and that may be true. But that doesn’t mean your life is any less beautiful and exciting and fun.

It’s natural to want something better but remember your happiness doesn’t need to depend on that. What you have is also beautiful.

If you haven’t done anything great yet, it doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to.

There was a time when I thought I won’t be able to do anything worthwhile in life. Everyone around me was making constant progress and I felt like I couldn’t make it as fast as them. I felt like I couldn’t do anything great because I haven’t done anything special like they have.

We often confuse ability with results. If you do something great that means you’re capable, worthy. If you don’t you aren’t.

It’s like saying that if that if a crocodile didn’t bite you yet, it doesn’t have the ability to do so.

You are able to go after your dreams and get it done. Don’t get overwhelmed. Start with one small step at a time in the right direction.

Speaking kindly to yourself helps a lot.

There will come many times in your life when you feel utterly stressed and depressed, at that time being harsh on yourself will only increase the friction, the conflict. You need to be give yourself ease. Be gentle and kind to yourself.

You don’t pour petrol when there’s fire burning, you need to calm it by water.

Practicing self compassion during hard times gave me the strength to go on. To keep moving.

It is also something that made me fell in love with myself and appreciate myself.

If you feel something it doesn’t mean you are that.

There are times when you feel worthless, lonely, stupid – but that doesn’t mean you actually are worthless, lonely or stupid.

Feelings come and go. You don’t need to hold on to every feeling and expect it to be true. Everything you feel isn’t true.

Learn to expect from yourself

There are times when I expect a lot from my parents and friends. That’s not wrong I guess – but I’ve realised that it’s better to expect from me than anyone else. That way I’m kinda sure that at least I’m making efforts to fulfill my expectations.

If your parents don’t give you what you’ve expected then just let go of it, I mean they’re doing the best they can to give you everything. If they can’t or don’t want to offer you something, bet on yourself.

If you truly want something try to get it yourself.

If you see something good in someone, tell them.

I honestly feel so good when someone appreciates something I’ve done. I want to give that feeling to others as well.

If you admire something about someone tell them, they will feel good and feel motivated to continue the behaviour.

It just takes a minute to tell them but that memory may last much longer.

If someone does something good for you, express your gratitude. It strengthens relationships.

Stay open-minded to new concepts and ideas.

There was a time when I firmly believed in everything science proved. I mean I still believe in everything science proves.. but at that time I had a fixed mindset that everything science proves is true and things that are not proven do not exist.

I firmly believed that there are no “signs” from universe – Things just happen. It’s just a coincidence and there is no hidden meaning to it.

My best friend loves talking about universe and the “signs” from universe. And I’m like – What nonsense! It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t happen that way.

Even when she told me about her experiences, I said “It’s a coincidence”.

She’d get hurt but wouldn’t push me further.

I saw myself being rude to her when this topic came up. I wanted her to accept what I think is true and she wanted me to accept what she felt true.

Slowly I started realising that I was restricting my mind. I was so stuck with my firm beliefs that I wasn’t looking at other possibilities.

I wasn’t ready to unlearn and relearn my beliefs. The problem was not whether or not I believed in signs of universe the problem was that I wasn’t ready to accept that this can be true. I shut my mind to all possibilities.

Here’s what I realised –

• I wasn’t ready to accept new possibilities.

• I mixed the word ‘my’ with beliefs.

There’s a difference when you say – “It’s MY belief, MY thought” and “I think it’s true, I have found this to be true”

When you say it’s MY thought, you will not like when someone says something contradictory. Because someone is attacking what is “yours”. You will try to defend yourself instead to understanding what the person has to say.

• Even if I have believed something for a long time, I have the freedom to change my belief. I can change what has “Always been this way” just because I find something new, better. I am allowed to change.

• Trying to be the same person you were years ago is not necessary. It’s okay (and necessary) to grow. Be open to different ideas, mindsets and concepts. They may or may not be true – But be open and look objectively. You will discover many different things.

Sooo… This is it! This is what I’ve learnt in my teenage. What have you learnt in yours? What would you like to tell your teenage self?

Please share in the comments below!!!

Thank you for being here. Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!!💖💖💖

What’s next? Nah. I enjoy what’s now.

Everyone these days is waiting for something. Everyone is expecting something new, something different to happen.

We have gotten into the habit of asking ‘What’s next?’ , What’s the next big thing you want? What’s the next big thing you are waiting for?

It’s something like – when we’re children, we want to grow up. When we grow up, we want to become child again.

I mean we want some things to change, but when they do, we want to go back again.

This happens a lottt (hating your present and wishing it were different).

When you are single you wish you were engaged with someone, when you are, you again wish to be single.

When you are not earning you wish for the time you would, when the time comes, you wish to get out of it.

When you are in school you are excited about your college life. When you start going to college, you miss school.

When you are at home, you wish to step out and live on your own, when the time comes, you long for the warmth of your home.

Soo, instead of expecting something different – Why don’t we cherish our present moment?

If you do not enjoy a moment, you lose it forever. If you enjoy it, it is yours forever.

-Debasish Mridha

Don’t you think we should stop waiting for the next big thing and start enjoying our life moment to moment?

And when you start living the present moment, believe me you will find so many things that are beautiful right now. So much to appreciate. So much to notice. So much to feel.

As I write this – I’m at my home. There won’t be any lectures in college today. So am I waiting for the time when I’ll go to college and meet my friends? No. (i mean of course i want to meet them but i have decided to enjoy the present moment) When I’m at home I want to spend some time with my parents. I want to feel the moments when they are with me, we all are living together, I get to see them everyday. I want to notice the way they smile, I want to remember their voice when they say my name.

I want to enjoy time with my little sister. I want to make her laugh, I want to paint with her, play with her, sing and dance with her, watch her grow.

Because I know – This time won’t come back.

I choose to live it fully. I choose to feel the moments with my loved ones. I choose to stay in present.

Above all, we cannot afford not to live in the present. He is blessed over all mortals who loses no moment of the passing life in remembering the past.

– Henry David Thoreau

Look around you, everything that you see can change in a year.

Are there some people you want to spend more time with?

Are there some things you want to do for them?

Are there some plans you need to execute?

Are there any trips you want to plan?

Is there someone whom you want to remind of how loved he/she is?

Is there anything you need to do for yourself?

You better do it Right Now, because you haven’t seen tomorrow.

Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts.

– Pema Chodron

Even when you step into sunshine in winter. Close your eyes and feel it’s warmth. Feel that’s it’s 2019. This day will never come back. Open your eyes and notice the surroundings, do you find beauty? Smile at your friends and enjoy your time with them.

Many people are alive, but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.

– Thich Nath Hanh

There’s this beautiful poem I’d like to share –

Live In The Moment

Listen, feel, love completely;
Absorb, enjoy oh so sweetly.
Nothing exists but right now.
Show the world you know how.

Immersed, focused, involved;
Sad moments will be resolved
Just as joyous times go fast,
Sad’s shadow will lose its cast.

It’s but a moment all will live,
So leave an imprint that will give
Your signature on the past
So your moments now will last.

Gregory Huyette

Memes I’ve made

Here are some memes I’ve made. As I’m a psychology student I couldn’t help but add some good advice to it 😅 Still… Hope you all enjoy🤗

Ahhh… Self compassion!!!

In the times of adversity, there’s nothing as beautiful and as soothing as being kind to yourself.

Talking kindly to yourself helps. A lot.

You gotta believe in yourself and your dreams even if they tell you otherwise.

Say the truth! Haha… I mean seriously.. if you’ve worked hard and planned your moves carefully and you won, be proud of that. Tell them

😄 As you guys know…. I LOVE Disney… Added a psychological theory to it

Reminder to go slow and it’s okay and very necessary to rest and recharge.

Remember that time when you were like – Yay! Everything’s going good, I’m so happy! And then suddenly you realise – Oh shit! What if…….

Best feeling!

There’s always going to be someone who has better than you… That time you gotta stop comparing and start appreciating what you have. That makes you happy!

Suddenly you go like – ‘Oh no! I’m doing so bad, how can I get there? Everyone is…..’

That time when you begin negative self talk – Gently remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. It might take time, but it will happen.

I don’t need you have to do something special to be worthy of love or happiness. What do you guys think?

Did you like these memes? Tell me in the comments below!

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