How can you start a chain of positivity?

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

William James

Some people think appreciation will make people prouder and they won’t be as efficient as they are now.

Are you one of those people?

Well, I understand you must’ve based your thoughts on previous experiences.

Maybe some people do show off and get too proud when you praise them.

But what if they do amazing job, every day and no one appreciates them?

How would they feel?

Will they continue being so efficient?

I don’t think so.

You see, being appreciated or valued is a basic human need.

It says – I recognise you are working hard. I appreciate your dedication. You helped me with xyz when I needed it the most. I value you. Your help meant so much to me, I am grateful for your support.

Imagine someone says this to you

How’d you feel?

Warm fuzzy feelings of joy? Happiness? Awe maybe…

Or you could also get uncomfortable and not know how to react

Okay maybe you need to practice being comfortable and responding with kindness when someone appreciates you

But even if you get uncomfortable,maybe deep down you still want to be recognised. You want to be valued and appreciated for your efforts.

When someone says “thank you for doing this for me,I really appreciate that” you might think.. “well.. that’s okay… we’ve been friends for like 6 years and so of course I’d do this for you”

True

But does hearing “thank you” not put you in a happy mood?

Aren’t you more likely to pay the positivity forward and help two other people that day?

Because you got rewarded for you behaviour (in a way)

So yes!

That’s pretty much it.

Genuinely appreciating people makes their day! They are more likely to cherish the feeling and pay it forward.

That’s why you need to appreciate people for what they’ve done for you or even if you see them working hard or notice something good about them. Few kind words can go a long way.


Scientists studied different gratitude interventions to find out which one was more effective –

The gratitude visit was found to be most effective.

Okay so what do you do in this?

You simply write a gratitude letter to someone whom you haven’t properly thanked before. Someone who has really helped you during your hard times or done so much for you but you somehow couldn’t properly thank them. (Yes, it’s the person you’re think about right now)

So you write the letter and you go to their home and personally deliver this. You read out the letter to them.

Research has found that this practice also has significant impact on their relationship. Even after 6 months of giving the letter.

Hmm. Impressive.


Okay so this is kind of a funfact

There are two meanings of the word appreciate

First is – To recognise how good someone or something is and to value that particular person or thing.

And second is – to increase in value. (it’s the opposite of depreciate. Which means to decrease)

Sounds logical huh?

That when you appreciate something in someone that behaviour or emotion increases.

Even complimenting someone is appreciating them.

Which of the following compliments would you like to hear?

A. Hey nice dress!

B. Good job!

C. Hey! I really liked your presentation. They way you explained xyz was commendable. The concept of abc that you stated was wonderful! I didn’t knew about it before. I can see you worked really hard on your presentation.

Okay so this is a objective question.

Maybe not everyone will have the same answer.

But mostly everyone likes the option C.

I mean it’s much better when you exactly state what you liked and genuinely appreciate.


Okay so that’s all for now. I can go on and on about this topic. But I need to stop.

I hope you found this article helpful 🙂

Lemme know are your thoughts on the subject?

What makes you pessimistic about yourself?

I cannot do this.

I am just not talented enough.

Oh! I’ve never done it before.


What do you think is the reason behind being so pessimistic about yourself?

Is it because you’ve encountered so many failures in that department that you have given up hope?

Or

Is it because of some strongly held beliefs about yourself?

.

.

.

Take your time and think.


Carol Dweck conducted a study on this.

She worked with middle schools and selected those boys and girls who in the opinion of their teachers, school principal and school psychologist were especially “helpless” when confronted by failure.

She then divided the children into two groups. The first group was assigned to solve some math problems and at the end of session no matter how their performance, they received praise for doing well.

The second group was also told to slove math problems. Occassionally they were told that they hadn’t solved enough problems and that “they should’ve tried harder”

After some days, all children were given a combination of easy and very difficult problems to slove.

If failures were the reason for their helplessness, the students in first group should do better because, the appreciative feedback would boost their motivated.

On the other hand if the main cause of helplessness was how the children interpreted themselves and their abilities, the encouragement to try harder would prove effective.


The result was that the students from first group gave up on encountering hard problems just as they did before the training.

But children from second group tried harder while solving difficult problems.


From this, we realise that maybe more than failures itself, it is the interpretation of failures that matter.

If instead of looking at failure and saying “I lack here. I will never try this again” we trust ourself and say “I will try harder next time” things could improve.

Me

“It’s okay”
“It happens”
“Don’t worry”
“Everything will be alright”

I find myself saying this to my friends, family and colleagues

But when something goes wrong with me
All I say is –
“You could’ve done better”
“How dumb you are!”
“What will they think about you?”

I fight myself while I try to heal others
I am harsh on myself
While I try to be kind to others

I need to remind myself
I am human too
I make mistakes too
I am allowed to forgive myself

I need to give myself what I’ve given others
I need to love myself the way I love others

© Vrunda Chauk

Note to self – 6 (when you don’t get what you want)

That frustration you experience when you’re trying hard but still not getting what you want..

When you are so passionate about something and want it badly, still you have to wait…

Ever felt that?

It’s happening with me.

After lot of efforts to change my mood, I wrote this – (something I really needed to hear)

Dear Self,

I am proud of you for the efforts you’re putting in to get this.

I understand how badly you want it. And I know you will get it soon.

Keep going, I’m here to cheer you. You are doing great.

I know it’s not working.

But something that’s more important than success is the process of getting there. Make sure you enjoy the grind, the process, try to have some fun and keep going.

There is no ray of light now, but I can promise you, if you keep going your sunshine is not far away.

This frustration that you’re experiencing now, remember one day you will be telling people how you overcame it and “made it to the top

By the time, try to improve your game. See what else you have to learn, what risks you can take, this is the time you have nothing to loose. Just give it your all and keep faith.

Your future is bright!

Cheering for you,

Me

Daring greatly

Something to remember when things get tough and people start mocking at you or telling you how better can you do…. when you start to loose courage and feel overwhelmed by everything….

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of the the deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deeds who knows greater enthusiasms, the greater devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause,

who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, fails while daring greatly….

-Theodore Roosevelt

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