Taking responsibility

Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Victor Frankl

When you say you are responsible for your actions-

Someone would be like.. “oh! so now you’re blaming me for everything?!”

And someone would be like..

“that’s empowering! So it means that no matter what happens to me, I can still choose to react the way I want… Hmmm… Maybe I’ll try to react better next time and see if the situation gets better”

Choose the response that feels right for you.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Maybe we could also reframe that as –

With great responsibility comes great power!

This is true too!

There are 6 pillars of self esteem. (according to Nathaniel Brandon.)

One of those is “self responsibility”. It means when you take responsibility for you actions and your life, you report high self esteem.

What does it actually mean to take responsibility?

It means to not blame others for your misfortune and getting up, dusting off and improving things for yourself.

This is not always easy, I get it. But please understand it’s also liberating.

When you go through a breakup, you feel sad and isolated. We can’t numb feelings, allow yourself to feel that. Don’t blame him/her. Just accept what happened. (Okay maybe go through the stage of blaming, but don’t be stuck there. Move ahead.)

After a period of time when you are feeling a little better or things start to seem a little easier, take control of your life.

Do the things you can to get better. Emotionally and mentally.

Remember no one is going to do that for you. No one is coming to save you. And also remember that You yourself can and should save you.

We are each responsible for our own life. If you are holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you are wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive. Begin noticing how each day brings a new opportunity for your growth. Pay attention. Every choice gives you a chance to pave your own road. Keep moving. Full speed ahead.

– Oprah Winfrey

3 facts about happiness

If you really think about it…this seems logical right?

Like it cannot be that you are very unhappy and then suddenly you become successful and you boom! Now you’ll be happy for the rest of your life.

Of course you will get a large happiness boost. But after some time you will get used to your changed lifestyle and things won’t excite you that much.

You will be back to your normal self.

But those who are happy most of the time are more likely to be successful!

Coz of course you want to pursue things when you are happy, you have a optimistic outlook that everything will work out, you don’t give up in face of adversity.

These qualities really seem to help you become successful.

When you are happy, those positive emotions don’t just stick with you, you spread positive vibes wherever you go.

I have noticed this for myself that when I am feeling good and cheerful I want to help others, compliment others, just share happiness with everyone I come across.

On the contrary when I’m feeling low, I just want everyone to leave me alone for a while. I have less energy and enthusiasm. If I’m sad because of some problem all my attention is focused on solving that problem and I don’t pay much attention to others around me.

Who else feels the same?

Stop and smell the roses 🌹

Yep! They are right. Happiness is in little things.

When we think about what makes us happy, mostly we come up with answers like – talking to my bf after a long day, having chai with bestie, long drives with family, making fun DIYs with sister, baarish aur chai…..💓💕

Soooo… The point is that these things are something we will remember and cherish forever.

We may not remember the time we brought fancy car, but we remember the time when we went on long drive with friends.

Don’t get me wrong, material things are also important and financial security is the first priority.

But when it comes to happiness, memories with people count more than material happiness.

“Happiness consists more in conveniences of pleasure that occur everyday than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom.”

– Benjamin Franklin

Poem

Sometimes
you are unsatisfied with your life,
while many people in this world
are dreaming of living your life…

A child on a farm sees a plane
fly overhead and dreams of flying.
but a pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse
and dreams of returning home

That’s life! Enjoy yours…

If wealth is secret to happiness,
then the rich should be dancing on the streets
but only poor kids do that.

If power ensures security,
then officials should walk unguarded.
but those who live simply, sleep soundly.

If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships,
then celebrities should have best marriages.

Live simply

Walk humbly

And love genuinely…

All good will come back to you..

– Dr. Ben Carson

Shushant.. we miss you

This is one of the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen❤️

This incident shook me from within and not just me, the whole India is mourning over this loss.

Suicides are always shocking and they leave us with many questions…

This is a story about a introvert and intellectual guy with a lovely smile and expressive eyes

This is a story of someone passionate about astrophysics and who loved to read books

This is a story about someone who came from Bihar to Mumbai with lots of dreams and aspirations

This is a story about someone who worked very hard to establish his career in Bollywood

This is also a story about someone who was neglected by almost everyone in the industry

This is also a story about someone who was “not accepted” by the bigger names

This is also a story about a human being who kept a smile on his face when he was hurt deeply

We should not just see him as a guy “who had everything” as in money and success.

We should realise that he was human being like you and me who craved love care and attention. And by that I don’t just mean likes on his post and stuff… genuine connection and appreciation. Again I am not judging whether he had it or didn’t, but it seems that he may not have had.

Someone said “nobody kills themselves to end their life, they do so to end the pain”. Or as John Green says in his book paper towns when Margo sees the dead guy she said “maybe all his strings broke” as in, he had nothing to hold on to in life.

We can just imagine the kind of pain and suffering he felt when he did this.

Shushant…. You deserved so much.. so much… I feel so sorry for everything you had to go through.

My heart also aches for

every person who is neglected and ignored for many reasons

every person who does so much effort and never get the credit they deserve

every person who is always there for others but others do not reciprocate

We all must’ve been in such situations at some point in our lives…

But hey! Things get better

Do not give up

Just talk about it… Talk to your close friends… Express… Do not suffer in silence..

A heart to heart conversation with best friend can be healing❤️ hold on to your close friends… Do not let them go.. don’t forget to appreciate them and remind them how much they mean to you❤️❤️❤️

I don’t know what exactly caused him to do this… But when I think about the things that happened to him and keep myself in his place…. I cannot control my tears…..


Anyway…. This was just me expressing what I feel during all this…

Take care guys ❤️

Loneliness

Loneliness sucks.

I have been through a phase of loneliness and I know how it feels. Every single word written in this quote is true.

It feels like you don’t matter. Anything you do doesn’t really matter. It feels like you are invisible. No one notices you, appreciates you, cares for you.

Helplessness is also common. Like you are ready to do everything you can to make it go away but you can’t. You don’t know what to do. You feel completely helpless.

When I felt this, I remember crying every night. I had suicidal thoughts. I felt sad and isolated most of the day.

And as the quote says, “people do almost anything to escape this combination of isolation and powerlessness”.

It was so true. For the first time in my life I wanted to drink. Too much. I wanted to numb this feeling.

Thankfully my friends were supportive and didn’t encourage any such acts.

Thankfully my little sister showed her love to me every single day. Even when I thought about ending my life, her face came in front of my eyes and I wanted to be alive just for her.

Thankfully I found my true love at the end of all this.

That made me realise that there are people around me who love me.

People matter. They matter a lot. And it’s wonderful to have people who love you around you, they can help you get through everything.

I have seen so many memes saying “I hate people/I hate everyone” or when girl shares her relationship problems to her friends they suggest her to dump him without even listening, I know they are being sarcastic.. but we cannot normalise being alone.

We cannot make isolation look cool. It’s not cool. It’s dark.

People are important. Close friends are important. When things get tough between them leaving shouldn’t be the only option. At least try to make things work. If you are wrong, apologise and be ready to face consequences, don’t run. Kind friends are so important.

They make life worth living.

No matter how much success, or wealth you accumulate, you need someone you love waiting for you home at the end of the day.

And please…

Never miss a opportunity to tell your close ones how much you love them.. how much they mean to you.. be genuine, be kind

And if you are going through this phase…

Pleaseeee seek help. Don’t give up. I promise there are people who care for you. You matter. You are loved. Things will get better, I promise..

let’s visualise

What if….

You had a machine that could make you happy. You just press a button and you feel happy. You don’t need to go anywhere, you don’t need to do anything. Just press a button and you’ll feel happy.

Would you buy such machine?


What if…

you had a boon that whatever you do, you will be successful. You will never experience failure at all. Everything that you plan to do, will be completed. Every project you undertake will work out.

Would you like that?


Imagine…

You are on your deathbed. There’s no more time left to do things you always wanted.

Think of 5 important things that you would regret not doing. Think about what you will care about the most. What are the things that will matter to you? Which are the people who would matter to you? Would you regret not living your life to the fullest? What are some things that you wish you had done?


Imagine…..

You are born into a very rich family. And your parents are willing to spoil you. You get everything you want without a moment’s delay. You don’t have to struggle for anything. All your wishes are fulfilled without you doing anything.

Would you like to live such life?


Let us dig deeper….

Speaking of the happiness machine…

Would you feel satisfied?

Would that machine in some way give your life meaning?

Would you like to be happy without being the cause of your happiness?

Is happiness all that you want? In any form and all the time?


Speaking of success…

Many people would be tempted to live with the boon… But

Will that motivate you to try? When you already know you’ll be successful, will you experience the thrill of starting something new?

Will you work hard? Will you feel satisfied at the end of the day?

Will you grow and develop as a person if success came easily?


I told you to imagine this deathbed scene just to make you realise what things really matter in the end. Many a times we get caught up in unimportant details and spend so much time thiking about it. When it’s not worth it.

Things that matter in the end are – how much you loved, how you treated your family and friends, how you made others feel, did you do what you always wanted to do and such.

Stop stressing over unimportant things and live freely. Free from unnecessary grudges, regrets, envy, procrastination, hate, and such.


About the getting-everything-you-want-without-working-for-it…

It is doubtful whether any heavier curse could be imposed on man than the complete gratification of all his wishes without effort on his part, leaving nothing for his hopes, desires or struggles.

– Samuel Smiles

The child who makes a toy car run is happy not because the car runs, but because he made it run.

If we come to look at it, struggles and challenges are necessary for happiness and for a fulfilling life.


What makes you pessimistic about yourself?

I cannot do this.

I am just not talented enough.

Oh! I’ve never done it before.


What do you think is the reason behind being so pessimistic about yourself?

Is it because you’ve encountered so many failures in that department that you have given up hope?

Or

Is it because of some strongly held beliefs about yourself?

.

.

.

Take your time and think.


Carol Dweck conducted a study on this.

She worked with middle schools and selected those boys and girls who in the opinion of their teachers, school principal and school psychologist were especially “helpless” when confronted by failure.

She then divided the children into two groups. The first group was assigned to solve some math problems and at the end of session no matter how their performance, they received praise for doing well.

The second group was also told to slove math problems. Occassionally they were told that they hadn’t solved enough problems and that “they should’ve tried harder”

After some days, all children were given a combination of easy and very difficult problems to slove.

If failures were the reason for their helplessness, the students in first group should do better because, the appreciative feedback would boost their motivated.

On the other hand if the main cause of helplessness was how the children interpreted themselves and their abilities, the encouragement to try harder would prove effective.


The result was that the students from first group gave up on encountering hard problems just as they did before the training.

But children from second group tried harder while solving difficult problems.


From this, we realise that maybe more than failures itself, it is the interpretation of failures that matter.

If instead of looking at failure and saying “I lack here. I will never try this again” we trust ourself and say “I will try harder next time” things could improve.

When I am mindful

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice the beauty of graffiti wall
that I pass by everyday

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice that something is not right
with my best friend and maybe she needs more of my care

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I talk to my grandma and notice the happiness
in her voice when she talks about certain things

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise my dad shows love through actions
even if he fails to express in words

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I understand the care and effort
of my mother to raise me in a proper way

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise that tough times don’t last
and things do get better day by day

I realise that in fact, there aren’t as many bad things in my life as it seems

I realise that there is more kindness in the world and it multiplies when we give ♥️

© Vrunda Chauk

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