Why should you be optimistic?

“My girlfriend broke up with me. I am having problems at workplace and I can barely afford to pay the rent.

How can I be optimistic?”

I can understand. It’s not easy. But there are a few things I want you to consider. Being optimistic or not is your choice. Let’s look at the facts –

• Optimism is about being honest with yourself –

Yes, optimism is about being honest with yourself. Let me share a quote here that emphasizes my point.

I understand you might have some things going wrong in your life, it’s not turning out the way you expected it to.

It’s hard to be optimistic in such cases. But there can be some things that you can look forward to.

Yes, your girlfriend broke up with you, and you might be feeling like you will end up single and alone. But take time to consider that you have a few loyal friends who have your back in every situation.

Or

You are having a hard time at workplace or your business. And you feel like ‘what the heck am I doing with my life?’ But you can take some time to consider that you’re also learning new skills that will be beneficial in the long run.

There are some good things happening too. Instead of polarised thinking, i.e – thinking in extremes, you can take some time to look at the situation with a different and more optimistic perspective.

This is not just telling your mind to believe ‘everything will be alright’ but instead looking for such evidences and focusing on them.

• Optimism helps you look forward to your future.

You might have tried to change your situation. You struggled a lot, but you weren’t able to make it. Then it’s pretty natural to think that ‘maybe this isn’t for me afterall. This is my destiny. I’ve accepted it. I have to live like this.’

I know it hurts really bad to think that whatever you do, you won’t be able to get out of this situation, this struggle. So you give up. You accept this as your fate and continue to live with it.

While you choose to do so, I want you to take a moment and ask yourself – Is this what a really want?

If the answer is no, don’t give up on yourself. It’s that strong desire of a better future, better life that will keep you going, that will help you battle your demons.

I know it’s hard to be optimistic when nothing seems to go right, but I want you to remember that – This is not your final destination. This is not what you will settle for.

If you’re tired, feel like quitting, take a break. Relax. Reorganise your thoughts. Observe your feelings. Do whatever you think will help you.

Remember that being optimistic about future will help you come back with great energy and better mindset.

What is hope but a feeling of optimism, a thought that says things will improve, it won’t always be be bleak (and) there’s a way to rise above the present circumstances.

– Wayne Dyer

• Optimism is something you can develop –

Optimism does not always come naturally. Especially when dealing with your own problems, you’re not as likely to be optimistic. But when your friend has the same problem you find at least one thing to be optimistic about.

We need to consider the fact that we can develop a optimistic attitude.

It’s about acknowledging the present struggles and knowing that there are also some good things to smile for in the present and keeping faith that future will be better.

There are some exercises you can practice to become more optimistic. Click here to find out

Click here for optimism exercise

Optimism may not change everything, but it changes much of your beliefs. And this might help you deal better with the situation.

Here’s a quote I really love from Hellen Keller :

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.

– Hellen Keller.

Here are some facts about Optimistis –

1. Optimists tend to live longer than pessimists. Research has shown that optimists tend to live 8 – 10 years longer than pessimists!

2. Researchers from Stanford University have found that optimists have higher quality and longer lasting romantic relationships.

3. Research has shown that optimistic people are better at bouncing back from adversity.

4. Optimistic thinking helps you stay focused and motivated.

5. Optimism promotes gratitude. You tend to feel grateful for things are going well and appreciate them.

So what do you think? Are you ready to practice optimism in your life? Want to try looking at things with a optimistic perspective?

Give it a try!

Good luck!!

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How can you become more optimistic

Hello friends!! I hope you all are having a great day! 🙂

Last week we talked about optimism. Also about the ‘ABCDE’ model of debunking pessimistic thoughts and to increase optimism.

In this post I’d like to share a example of how it is done.

You can practice this for any event that causes too many negative thoughts.

There’s a simple example –

Adversity – Someone posted a negative hateful comment on my YouTube video.

Beliefs – I don’t think I have it in me to continue making videos. If my audience is not liking what I post why should I go on? I am terrible at this! What did I thought of myself while starting?! I suck at this. Did I say something wrong? What was my fault?

Consequences – I felt a mixture of anger and sadness. I was not able to concentrate on other activities today. I was thinking about it in the back of my mind.

Disputation – That was awful! I can understand if someone doesn’t like the video but there’s no need to be so rude and mean. I am just starting out. I need to be hopeful and keep working. I realise that I am analysing myself based on just one comment, when so many people have thanked me for sharing these videos! Yeah, I need to be realistic. One negative comment doesn’t mean nobody likes my videos. I’ve made great friends through YouTube. I cannot quit. I want to keep going. I need to understand that I cannot please everyone in the whole world. There are going to be people who may not like my videos and at the same time there will also be people who truly love what I share. I’ll work harder now and try to make better videos. I won’t give up. Next time onwards I’ll try to be more open to new perspectives without being self judgemental.

Energization – I felt much better. I was relaxed now. I listened music for a while and went back to my daily chores. Next day I found myself thinking about the next video topic and content!

What do you think? Will this help you? Give it a try!

Here’s another exercise you can try –

Your best possible selves

This exercise was developed by Laura King. A professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia.

In this exercise you have to spend twenty minutes once every week (or every month as you feel comfortable) visualising Your Best Possible Self in multiple domains life.

Imagine yourself in next 2, 5 or 10 years. Imagine how would your life be, how you want it to be. Visualise what will you have, what will your life look like in the next few years.

How would your life be if your dreams were fulfilled?

Think about your goals in upcoming years.

Write them down on paper.

My advice – Make sure you keep the focus on yourself. How will you be, don’t focus too much on what will you have or how others will be. Focus on how you will grow as a person.

Now think about how you can work on achieving these goals. What simple steps you can take today to make them come true in the future?

What do you want most in your life? Write it down.

This can help you have insight into what makes you happy, what do you want to achieve in the next few years.

It will give you a purpose, when you’re feeling low, you have something, some goal to look up to.

You will also be able to understand that these goals are achievable and you can start right now to make them come true.

You will tend to feel more optimistic about your future.

Good luck! 🙂

Try this if you’re not so optimistic

Positive thinking often involves trying to believe upbeat statements like “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better” in the absence of evidence or even in the face of contradictory evidence. Learned optimism in contrast is about accuracy.

– Martin Seligman

This is a perfect quote to start this blog post with. Learned optimism is about accuracy.

Optimism is not about being positive regardless anything. It’s about looking at the bright side. It’s about actually finding something to be optimistic about. It’s about being honest with yourself and focusing on the positive side.

Before we check out the exercise, why don’t you take a few moments to see whether or not you are a optimistic person? Click here to test your optimism.

If you personally think you’re not a very optimistic person or score low on the test here’s a exercise that you can benefit from.

It’s called the ABCDE model.

A – Adversity

B – Beliefs you automatically have when it occurs

C – Usual consequences of belief

D – Disputation of routine belief

E – Energization that occurs when you dispute it successfully.

What do you need to do –

Adversity – State your adversity. The situation in which you had too many negative thoughts or beliefs. Something that made you anxious, angry, worried, etc.

Belief – State those thoughts that came to your mind. Those extreme negative thoughts. Yeah, write them down.

Consequences – What was the result of those beliefs? Were you sad? Disappointed? Worried? Anxious? State the consequences here.

Disputation – Now here comes the interesting part. Argue with yourself. Yes, argue with your beliefs. Test them. Are they true? Will they be true in the long run? What can you do to change or improve the situation? Is there one and only reason for the adversity? List all the reasons you come across. You’ll be surprised to notice that most of the reasons were beyond your control. Even if they were in your control ask yourself “What is the worst case scenario?” Be very practical in this. Many a times, you’ll see that you were stressing out over a small issue, everyone will probably forget in next few years, including you. Ask yourself “Why?”. Why am I thinking this way? Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary?

Energization – Notice how you feel after doing this. Do you still think you were right? How do you feel now? What is the change? How’s your mood? And… Are you optimistic? About your future? About yourself? About your relationships?

This is a really wonderful exercise I found in Martin Seligman’s book ‘Authentic Happiness’. I’d like to share some examples of this in the next post. If you try this exercise, don’t forget to share your experience with me.

Share this exercise with your friends who could benefit from this. Looking forward to all your responses!!

Thank you for being here!🙏 Have a fantastic day ahead 💖🌈💖

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Yeah, you probably have heard this question many times. If you say the glass is half empty, you’re probably pessimistic and if you say glass is half full, you’re optimistic.

But believe me, optimism is more than that.

So today I want to talk about the thinking patterns and behaviours of optimistic and pessimistic people.

Identify where you belong and what thinking pattern you’d like to adopt.

Have you heard such conversations before?

Anjali – Hey Rahul! Congrats on winning the contest last week. Your painting was wonderful. Are you thinking about enrolling your name for the championship?

Rahul – Maybe I just got lucky. 😅 I don’t think I can win the championship. There are so many people out there who are much better than me. I don’t think I’ll make it.

Can you relate to this?

“You are always so busy, you never make time for me. I know I’m not your priority.”

“You never understand me. You just know how to make a fuss over everything.”

Let’s talk about the first conversation. What do you think about Rahul? Is he confident? Is he optimistic? Is he being honest?

Hmm.. Well, I think he is not so confident about his talent, his work. He refuses to take credit for his hardwork. And Most Importantly – He thinks good events occur due to external and temporary factors.

Due to this attitude he is not able to utilise his potential to the fullest.

In the second conversation, you’ll notice words suggesting a permanent behaviour.

It shows us that the person believes that negative behaviours have permanent and uncontrollable factors.

Now here’s how I’d like to reframe the conversations and thinking patterns.

Rahul – Thank you so much Anjali! Yes, I spent hours working on that painting. Yes, I’ve been thinking about the same thing. I’ll definitely enroll my name. I’d would love to find out how much better I can do.

And…

“We haven’t spent quality time together since past few days. I understand you are busy, but let’s plan something for us for the weekend”

“Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy these days, have a ton of work to complete. But it’s just for this week due to the meeting with international clients. Yeah, we can surely plan something for the weekend”

In the first conversation Rahul appears more honest about his efforts. He believes that he has the ability and skill to achieve success. He wants to give it a shot. He appears optimistic.

In the second conversation, they seem to understand that negative events have temporary causes. One setback does not mean you are not worth it, it doesn’t mean it’s over. Sometimes, unwanted events occur to strengthen your relationships and to increase your knowledge and skills to be successful.

I’ve learnt that when you think about setbacks as temporary are changeable, you feel hopeful and in control. (For eg – The difference between “He is always grumpy” and “He was in a bad mood”)

When you think about setbacks as permanent, then you have a problem. You think you haven’t got what it takes to make it. And then the worse thing happens – You stop trying.

When you think that positive events happen because of your efforts, you believe in yourself even more. When you believe that external forces cause good events for you, you do not feel long lasting happiness (For eg – The difference between “I won because I got lucky I guess..” and “I won because I worked hard”)

So based on these facts, this is my To-do list to increase Optimism –

• Refer to bad events as temporary and changeable

• Refer to good events and permanent and long lasting

• Carefully use the words ‘Always and never’

Replace it with ‘These days, lately, sometimes, etc’

• Be optimistic about future. You can start by taking small steps today to increase the likelihood of good events in future.

“Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism”

– Martin Seligman

Research shows that optimistic people perform better than pessimistic people in almost all domains.

Research states that optimistic people perform better at workplace, live longer and have better health. Optimism helps you with stress management and promotes happiness.

Increasing optimism is a skill. We can all learn how to get better at it.

I’ll soon be posting more exercises about Optimism. If you have any queries or any suggestions please let me know. Also I’d love to hear if you like these posts. I’d really appreciate your reply and support.

Thank you for being here💖🌈🙏

One week later

Hello friends!! Happy Sunday! 💖🌈💖

Hope you all are having a great day.

As I mentioned earlier, I did ‘The Three Things’ exercise for one week. I’ll now share how I did for the next three days.

Thursday –

1. I completed 2 chapters (at once) of a book I am currently reading. They were long, but I lost track of time. I feel happy when I engross myself into reading.

I should plan on making more time for reading. There are so many books waiting to be read.

2. I met my grandma. I saw her after 4-5 months. It was great meeting her. I love to listen her stories, about events from her life and I also like to share my experiences with her. She is very kind and caring. I love her so much!

I should definitely plan to meet her often and spend more time with her.

Friday –

1. I helped mom with cooking. I learnt a few things, we shared laughter and had a wonderful time.

2. I decided to have more time offline and be busy with other activities.

Well, it went well and I felt good at the end of the day. Less screen time helped me to concentrate more on other important activities.

I need to plan more such time being offline and engaging with people I love and care for.

3. I went for a walk in the garden. I practiced mindfulness. I saw beautiful parrots, eagles, even some bats. Observing natural beauty is soothing.

Saturday –

1. I went for a jog today. Felt good and cheerful for the rest of the day.

2. I read some beautiful poems today. I was inspired and encouraged by them. Some poems helped me set a optimistic and grateful attitude for the day.

I would like to do read such beautiful poems from time to time.

This was how did ‘The Three Things’ exercise. It was nice to try something different and appreciate positive things happening in my life. At the end of this I have so many things to add in my To-do list 😅. Small things that make me smile.

Some days, I had to look harder for good things in that day but I managed to pull through. I realised these things don’t necessarily need to be something grand. Just something that made you feel good, even for a while.

The best feeling was when I read the list at the end of the week and thought how good this week has been. I’m able to say “Yeah, this week was good for me”. That makes it worth the effort.

This exercise was helpful for me. I’d be happy if you guys try this as well and cherish the positive experiences in your life. If you do this, please share your experience and your thoughts with me. I’d love to hear them. 🙂

Thank you so much for being here!!🙏

3 days later

Hello friends!!

Last Sunday I posted about a positive psychology exercise called ‘The Three Things’

I am trying it for this week and I’ll be sharing how I did it and what I did and whether or not it was helpful.

So I’ve done it for three days and here’s the list I made –

Monday –

1. My mom dad hugged me.

It means they love me.

They hugged me because I helped them.

I will try to make more time for them and help them whenever they need me.

2. I had good food.

It means I was in a good mood for the whole day! 😛

3. I read my favourite novel.

I am glad I bought the novel and I am happy I can make time for such little joys.

I need to bring more of such wonderful novels and read them.

Tuesday

1. I met my best friend

We had a great time together. I’m happy when I’m with her.

2. I watched a good movie with my best friend.

It’s been a while since I watched such wonderful movie.

3. I listened peaceful music at night and had a good sleep.

It feels good. May be I should try it often.

Wednesday

1. I talked with my friend after a long time.

It felt so good to catch up with her. I am happy I have her in my life.

2. When I felt low today and I listened some Disney songs and felt good instantly.

They were amazing! I should search more of such songs and try listening to them especially when I am in a bad mood.

So these were the good things I experienced in these three days and how I did the Three Things exercise.

I am not actually feeling elated, but counting your blessings everyday is definitely a nice feeling. I even noticed small things that are working for me. For eg – I realised I sleep well when I hear peaceful music. These things are so small, it’s easy to neglect them. But doing this exercise made me notice them and the impact they have on me. This exercise also encourages you to do more of such things in future.

In a nutshell, I like it and it works well.

#1 Good things – Something you need to try to increase happiness

The first exercise I’m gonna try is –

Three Good Things

In this, you have to –

1. Write down daily three good things that happened for a week.

These things can be small in importance or big.

2. Also state – What does this mean to you?

Why did this good thing happen?

How can you have more of these good things in future?

I found this exercise in Flourish – a book written by Martin Seligman.

I will be trying this exercise for the next week and upload my results.

Welcome

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Hello friends!! It’s me Vrunda. I am a psychology student and I love to read about postive psychology.

You know what fascinates me the most about positive psychology? – The application part! There are various fun and interesting games and exercises in positive psychology that help you live a happy and better life.

Sounds interesting?

I haven’t done these exercises, but I really want to give it a try. I hope it works. Right now, honestly, my life is not so good and awesome. There are some fields I’d like to improve my performance in, some aspects I need to change and some things I need to accept.

So.. I think this is the right time to apply positive psychology exercises and see if they would be helpful.

I’d like to share the exercises I do and how and I do it. I will share my true progess and struggles.

Stay tuned to learn more.

Oh and yes, you can follow me on Instagram. @vivacious_vruuu