How to really make good connections?

You are standing in the room with people all around you. But you still look into your phone.

You don’t know people around you and you are barely making an effort to get to know them.

You feel like no one is paying attention to you.

You think they don’t like you.

You feel like you don’t belong here.

You feel nervous.

You don’t know what to say or do.

While they think you are shy.

They think you are too proud to mix with them.

They think you don’t like them.


Have you ever been in this situation?

I have. Many a times.

I didn’t really knew how to make connections or how to just go there and talk to people. (strangers)

Even if there are many aspects of this situation and many self help books will tell you “exactly” what you need to do in this case.

But here I want to talk about something very basic. Something without which nothing you do will truly matter. No tricks. Just mindset.


Now imagine the same scenario.

You are in a room of people you don’t know.

But suddenly you get a call from a friend you haven’t seen a long time. You both chat happily for a while. And plan to catch up this weekend.

As you keep the phone down, there is a wide smile on your face. You’re so excited to meet her and just can’t stop imagining happy moments you two might create.

Now look at the people in front of you.

Do you still feel the same?

Scared? Anxious?

No! Chances are you will strike up a conversation with the bartender. Or maybe ask someone for directions without feeling awkward. Or maybe you’ll notice someone at work you do know in this crowd and go talk to that person.

The point is – when you experience any positive emotion, you are more likely to be social.


I was reading this interesting research by Barbara Fredrickson and I found which said –

Studies suggest a boost of oxytocin under difficult situations, helps you lower cortisol the “so called” stress hormone and you’d behave more positively, both verbally by disclosing your feelings and non verbally by making more eye contact and friendly gestures.

– Barbara Fredrickson

This Oxytocin is called the Calm and Connect hormone.

Just as Cortisol is said to initiate the Fight or Flight response.

Oxytocin calms down your fears and helps you connect with others.

They also conducted a study where the participants were told to give a speech within few minutes to a big audience. The situation was stressful. They divided the participants into two groups. They showed a short clip inducing happy feelings to one group and a short clip inducing negative or neutral feelings to another group. The group who saw the happy clip were far more relaxed and calm by the time they gave the speech.

There was no such calming effect on the other group.


I could relate to this research because I have been in that situation many times. And I know what I lack most at that time is cheerfulness, enthusiasm that I see around me. I am in a panic state and can’t get anything right. Maybe I’ll drop the glass, or I’ll leave my phone on the chair…. basically I’ll loose my mind in that case.

But when I am happy or at a party I really want to be I try to find ways to interact with others even if it is simply “asking for directions” I try to strike up a conversation.

So in that situation what you need the most is –

some Oxytocin.

Just one happy memory or one moment of connection with someone you like to put you in a good mood. And then you can “be brave” and look at people in the eye and try talking to them.

Resilience

The secret to resilience

Is not being closed off

It’s not avoiding negative events altogether

It’s not “playing it safe”

Instead

It’s being open

Open to all experiences

Letting sad emotions come and go

Like the tides in the sea

And holding on

To the happy memories

In fact creating

Small happy moments every day

With your loved ones

Afterall they are the ones

Who can pick you up and hold you close

And nourish you with love

When your heart was broken

No matter how small these happy moments may be

They are enough

To remind your soul

That you are okay

We are together in this

And everything will be fine

© Vrunda Chauk

The Grit Quiz

Let’s test how much you know about Grit. If you don’t, you’re welcome to find out more about it!

1. Which of the following describes grit?

A. Doing something you love

B. Doing something that pays you

C. Staying true to your passion despite the hardhsips

D. Doing something fun

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Right answer – C. Staying true to your passion despite the hardhsips


2. True or False –

To be gritty about something you need to be really interested in that.

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Right answer – True


3. Which of the following do you need to be gritty?

A. Passion

B. Hardwork

C. Enjoyment

D. Perseverance and passion

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Right answer – D. Perseverance and passion


4. What do world class performers do differently that others?

A. They are talented, gifted

B. They have better connections

C. They come from a wealthy background

D. They practice a lot

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Right answer – D. They practice a lot


5. What makes people go through hardships and stay true to their passion?

A. Their nature

B. They are strong mentally

C. They have a sense of meaning or a strong purpose

D. None of the above

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Right Answer – C. They have a sense of meaning or a strong purpose


6. True or False

You need have job at higher position to have meaning in your life

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Right answer – False

Research has found that job position has nothing to do with the meaning and purpose people experience at their work.


7. True or False

When you experience Grit, you belive in your own efforts to make future better

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Right answer – True


8. Who of the following will you call Gritty?

A. Someone who is passionate

B. Someone successful

C. Someone famous

D. Someone who works hard and is passionate despite the hardships

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Right answer – D. Someone who works hard and is passionate despite the hardships


So this is was my small attempt to create quiz about Grit.

I hope you guys liked it.

All the information was taken from the wonderful book ‘Grit’ by Angela Duckworth.

The Happiness Quiz

Let’s see how much you know about what makes you happy –

1. What is the one most important factor of sustainable happiness?

A. Enough Money

B. Positive relationships with friends and family

C. Success Rate

D. Age and Beauty

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Right answer – B. Positive relationships with friends and family

80 year long study done by Harvard found that the most important predictor of happiness and wellbeing was the quality of our relationships.


2. Money makes you happy when –

A. Spent on shopping luxury items

B. Spent on purchasing the luxury car you always wanted to have

C. Spent on a trip with family and friends

D. All of the above

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Okay so this answer is pretty much subjective.

But research has found that “Happiness is derived from spending money to foster relationships with family and friends, enhance our competence on a skill of hobby, gain autonomy”

Right answer – C. Spent on a trip with family and friends


3. Wellbeing is the result of pursuing goals that –

A. Make you rich

B. Make you famous

C. You set becuase of social pressure

D. Resonate with your true self and give your life meaning

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Right answer – D. Resonate with your true self and give your life meaning

Cantor and Sanderson (1999) reported that wellbeing was lowered when people sought relatively self centred goals related to physical attractiveness, fame and wealth.


4. Which of the following interventions can produce a long term increase in your levels of wellbeing?

A. Gratitude. Remembering Three Good Things that happened each day

B. Optimism. Writing about your Best Possible Self

C. Strengths. Using signature strengths in new and different ways for a week.
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Right answer – A. Gratitude. Remembering Three Good Things that happened each day

Martin Seligman and his colleagues tested interventions to see which had a lasting impact on wellbeing.

Three Good Things exercise led to increase in wellbeing levels for even after 6 months.

Then was Using Signature strengths in a new and different way for a week

The Best Possible Self intervention produced largest immediate increase in wellbeing followed by gratitude exercise.


5. One heated argument or negative, hurtful comments can erase how many of positive acts ?

A. 5

B. 1

C. 10

D. 20

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Right answer – D. 20

Research has found that one cruel and thoughtless act or comment can wipe out entire month of affection and tenderness


6. Happiness leads to Success.

True or False.

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Right Answer – True.

Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues found that Happiness is not just a result of success, but also an important cause.


7. Which of the following activity can instantly give you significant boost of happiness?

A. Shopping

B. Helping someone

C. Playing games

D. Reading

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Right answer – B. Helping someone

When Martin Seligman was asked about what should patients in depression do that can make them happy instantly he said “go and find someone who needs you help and help them”


8. Which of the following can you continue to do everyday to be happy?

A. Plan your activities in the day, Choose freely what you want to do

B. Get your chores done and complete the work you were assigned

C. Go to the party because all your friends are going

D. None of the above

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Right answer – A. Plan your activities in the day, Choose freely what you want to do

Research found that – Autonomy or the freedom to choose things you want to do, was highly correlated with wellbeing.


I really hope you enjoyed this Quiz.

I have tried my best to inform you about all the facts and findings of research through this quiz. All the information was taken from the book Positive Psychology. The science of Happiness and Flourishing. By William Compton and Edward Hoffman.


Please let me know your feedback. What did you like, what you didn’t. What would you like to know more about

All your thoughts are welcome! ❤️

When you feel like you’re not enough..

Do you feel this?

Like everyone around you has it better…

They have better relationships than you do

They have better clothes, gadgets and things than you do

They have better life overall than you do….

Sometimes this comparison can make you feel so little… tiny….

You feel left out… From the big group of those who have-it-all

“I never get anything when I really want it” I find myself saying this too often these days..

It feels like you’re falling into the deep blackhole and you’ve nothing to hold on to

And it feels like you’re alone here… Everyone is actually pretty happy with their lives

You also feel like disconnecting from everyone..

You feel like they all are better than you and you somehow don’t deserve to be with them

You feel lost….

Left out…

Without a clue about what to do or how to feel better about yourself… and your “situation”


Maybe this is exactly the time you need connection

Maybe this is exactly the time you need to feel grateful for what you have

Maybe this is exactly the time you need to be kind and compassionate to yourself


You can say something like –

I know I don’t have as many things as others do. But maybe what I need right now is not to have the latest gadget but to be satisfied with what I have. There is this need of having better stuff than others, strong desire to be better than others, but it won’t go away if I feed it.

I need to tell myself I already have enough.

Lemme count all the things that I have and I feel blessed to have them. Let me just take a moment to appreciate all I have.

I know I need more. It would be really cool to have that expensive drawing stuff because I love drawing so much.

But I really need to be kind to myself. It’s okay. I know I’m not the only one experiencing this. Many people must be feeling this way. I am not alone. Yes, I know it hurts, but I also know things won’t be the same in few years.

Things will change. I have the ability and willingness to change the course of my life. I need to trust myself and carry on.

I need to connect with people. My people. My loved ones. The people whom I can count on. Who know me truly and who want to be with me and see me succeed.

All I need is their support, their love and care. I need to talk to someone who really understands me. Who encourages me to do better. Withdrawal can seem like a easy thing to do. But it won’t help. I need my people.


So I basically applied all the positive psychology principles I knew about and wrote this.

And now I seriously feel much better.

I am going to read this every time I feel so again!

Hope you guys find it helpful too!

Sending love ❤️

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