Do you know what makes you happy?

When will you be happy?

Think about it….

Maybe you’d come up with something like – when I get a nice job, when my boyfriend stops fighting with me, when my book gets published, when…..

Okay.

Can you be happy right now?

Umm… Idk maybe…

What can make you happy right now?

A pizza!

Hahaha… I know you were thinking something similar….

Or maybe a dog

Or maybe cat

Or maybe your best friend


Yesterday I talked to my friend and she said there is so much trouble going on right now…

I’d be so happy if this all just ends..

And I thought about it…

Do good things really happen when bad things stop happening?

She was right at her place… When everything around you sucks hurts, you might feel like things will be much better and you would be happier without all this

But are you really happy when bad things stop happening?

No!

You won’t have a pizza if you are not eating vegetables

You might have something else!

What I mean is, we focus too much to making the bad stuff around us go away….

We try to make things right

And that’s okay!

Completely okay

But we’re under illusion that this will make us happy

We might feel relief… That okay… Thankfully this is over

But are you really happy?

Nope!

You need some different activities to make you smile…

As Martin Seligman once said that his patients came to him saying ‘I just want to be happy’ what he translated was that ‘you don’t want to feel distressed’ and then after working on the patients anxiety or depression issues, he thought he will get a happy patient… But he didn’t. he got an ’empty patient’. That’s when he said you cannot have mental health and wellbeing just by eliminating depression and mental illness, you need different activities to build wellbeing.


Just because it isn’t raining doesn’t mean there is sunshine

You can work on this…

Think about what really makes you happy and do more of that in your daily life

Take a little break from fixing everything n just be… Create your happiness…

Especially during these challenging times… That’s what you need to do the most 🌼💖🌻

But maybe being happy is not your priority right now… Maybe it’s caring for your friend or family member who is struggling. And that is okay, you can take some time to recharge yourself by listening to your favourite song, reading a paragraph from your favourite book or talking with your sister, just do it. Take a little time for yourself too, that way you have more to give others… When your cup is full, then you can fill others💗💕

Know better do better quotes

“I am right” brings comfort but not true happiness. The people you feel wronged by will never apologise and make your wounds and grievances go away. The people you judge against will remain isolated from you. No one has ever been made happy by proving that they are right. The only result is conflict and confrontation because the need to be right always makes someone else wrong.

– Deepak Chopra

Feeding ego or caring for others?

He was online.

I texted “hey”

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

Four minutes.

Five minutes.

No reply.

Still online.

What was he doing?

He’s my boyfriend, is he talking to some other girl?

Maybe he’s busy.

So busy that he can’t even reply after 5 whole minutes?

Oh! He saw the message

Close his chat

Okay he’s typing

“Hi”

What? Just hi?

No apology? Sorry or anything?

He thinks I’m free?

Is he taking me for granted?

Hmm

I shouldn’t see his message soon.

I’ll make him wait.

5 mins?

10 mins?

Oh wait! He’s offline

What the hell?

He should wait for me

Why should I wait for him again?

This was the conversation going on in my mind.

Yesterday when my partner texted me a little late, all these things came to my mind.

I had this strange urge to take revenge. Not something big and scary but treating him the way he treated me. (Tbh it wasn’t his fault)


Doesn’t this happen to us?

Someone, especially our partner does something small and we get maddd. (coz we have such high expectations from them)

We don’t bother to ask what was the reason.

Our immediate impulse reaction is to take revenge. Do the same thing to them.

How silly and stupid that sounds?!

I mean this type of behavior is encouraged so much these days due to media. People making issue about little things that don’t even matter. But we make issue of everything.

Just because we want to feel important.

We want to satisfy our ego.

But is it really that important?

Even at the cost of your relationship?


Few days back I read a book by Deepak Chopra, it’s called “The Ultimate Happiness Prescription”.

Here’s a paragraph from this I could completely relate to –

1. Ego feels isolated and alone. Therefore it needs outside validation in order to belong and have worth.

2. The ego feels limited and bounded. Without power and control over others, it fears that it’s helplessness will be exposed.

And in the same book I read following quotes –

The conditions that make ego happy turn out to make who you really are very unhappy. There is no joy in being in charge, no love in controlling others, no expansion in defending the line between right and wrong.

– Deepak Chopra

.

Sometimes love is blocked by the need to be right,to cling to your own viewpoint instead of surrendering to what love would do.

– Deepak Chopra


After remembering this I let go of my anger and replied to him.

He was actually checking some important notice on WhatsApp and reading it to his parents.

I realised I was wrong and thought too much.

I won’t lie sometimes I do get desparate and want to know what’s going on, I do have these negative thoughts. But I don’t act on those anymore.

I try to stay patient and things become clear eventually.

When we try to satisfy ego, we might loose what really matters to us – people.


How can you start a chain of positivity?

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

William James

Some people think appreciation will make people prouder and they won’t be as efficient as they are now.

Are you one of those people?

Well, I understand you must’ve based your thoughts on previous experiences.

Maybe some people do show off and get too proud when you praise them.

But what if they do amazing job, every day and no one appreciates them?

How would they feel?

Will they continue being so efficient?

I don’t think so.

You see, being appreciated or valued is a basic human need.

It says – I recognise you are working hard. I appreciate your dedication. You helped me with xyz when I needed it the most. I value you. Your help meant so much to me, I am grateful for your support.

Imagine someone says this to you

How’d you feel?

Warm fuzzy feelings of joy? Happiness? Awe maybe…

Or you could also get uncomfortable and not know how to react

Okay maybe you need to practice being comfortable and responding with kindness when someone appreciates you

But even if you get uncomfortable,maybe deep down you still want to be recognised. You want to be valued and appreciated for your efforts.

When someone says “thank you for doing this for me,I really appreciate that” you might think.. “well.. that’s okay… we’ve been friends for like 6 years and so of course I’d do this for you”

True

But does hearing “thank you” not put you in a happy mood?

Aren’t you more likely to pay the positivity forward and help two other people that day?

Because you got rewarded for you behaviour (in a way)

So yes!

That’s pretty much it.

Genuinely appreciating people makes their day! They are more likely to cherish the feeling and pay it forward.

That’s why you need to appreciate people for what they’ve done for you or even if you see them working hard or notice something good about them. Few kind words can go a long way.


Scientists studied different gratitude interventions to find out which one was more effective –

The gratitude visit was found to be most effective.

Okay so what do you do in this?

You simply write a gratitude letter to someone whom you haven’t properly thanked before. Someone who has really helped you during your hard times or done so much for you but you somehow couldn’t properly thank them. (Yes, it’s the person you’re think about right now)

So you write the letter and you go to their home and personally deliver this. You read out the letter to them.

Research has found that this practice also has significant impact on their relationship. Even after 6 months of giving the letter.

Hmm. Impressive.


Okay so this is kind of a funfact

There are two meanings of the word appreciate

First is – To recognise how good someone or something is and to value that particular person or thing.

And second is – to increase in value. (it’s the opposite of depreciate. Which means to decrease)

Sounds logical huh?

That when you appreciate something in someone that behaviour or emotion increases.

Even complimenting someone is appreciating them.

Which of the following compliments would you like to hear?

A. Hey nice dress!

B. Good job!

C. Hey! I really liked your presentation. They way you explained xyz was commendable. The concept of abc that you stated was wonderful! I didn’t knew about it before. I can see you worked really hard on your presentation.

Okay so this is a objective question.

Maybe not everyone will have the same answer.

But mostly everyone likes the option C.

I mean it’s much better when you exactly state what you liked and genuinely appreciate.


Okay so that’s all for now. I can go on and on about this topic. But I need to stop.

I hope you found this article helpful 🙂

Lemme know are your thoughts on the subject?

What’s the best way to respond to good news?

Let’s say your girlfriend tells you that she has been promoted at work.

How would you respond to it?

Will you say –

A. That’s good. Congrats!

B. But now you will have to work extra hours, have you thought about how to manage everything?

C. What’s for dinner?

D. Wow! That’s amazing! Congratulations!! Did your boss like the project you made a week ago? Tell me more about it. Let’s celebrate!

Okay so if you are being honest, maybe you’ll say something from A B and C.

The D option is mostly used by girls and their best friends! Am I right ladies?

(When you tell your girl that you’re promoted or something she’s gonna get really excited and insist you to tell the whole story – what happened, how you felt, everything! And then maybe you’ll end up celebrating all night)

Okay I don’t want to be biased here. But in my experience I haven’t received such type of response from my boyfriend or the boys friends that I have. But girls?! Oh the girls! They always say something like that.

You’re still not getting why am I talking about this are you?

Imagine you are telling your best friend or family member or your cousin about your promotion at work.

Which of the above reaction would you like them to give?

How will you feel when they say “good. congrats!”?

Maybe okay. Not so good.

How will you feel when they tell you about the new challenges or problems you might be facing?

That’s such a turnoff. You were so excited and now it’s ruined. Maybe you won’t feel like sharing good news with this person again (unless of course they play a major role in your life). But still a major turnoff.

How will you feel when they ignore what you are saying completely and talk about something else?

Ouch. Who does that? Definitely not telling you next time.

And how would you feel if they get all hyped up and enhance your mood, encourage you to relive the experience and tell them about it. When you see that spark in their eyes that they are really interested and genuinely happy for you, that will make your day.

No doubt. That’s the best response anyone can give. (I am telling you everything from now on. You’re my best friend! 😉 )

Okay so why am I talking so much about how to respond? Why does it matter so much?

It does.

Take a look at this research –

The work of Shelly Gable, a psychologist at the University of California–Los Angeles, has shown that how we respond to positive events, such as a person sharing his or her accomplishments with us, is a better predictor of relationship success than how we respond to negative events

She has shown 4 ways we respond to accomplishments –

A. That’s good. Congrats!

This is passive constructive response.

B. But now you will have to work extra hours, have you thought about how to manage everything?

This is active destructive response.

C. What’s for dinner?

This is passive destructive response.

D. Wow! That’s amazing! Congratulations!! Did your boss like the project you made a week ago? Tell me more about it. Let’s celebrate!

This active constructive response. (ACR)

ACR creates what Fredrickson and Joiner call “upward spirals” of positive emotions—extending the sharer’s enjoyment beyond the discovery or event itself, and building positive capacity so that the relationship will be better able to weather negative events.

– From the book – Joy of leadership (by Tal Ben Shahar and Angus Ridgway)

So research has found that how you respond to good news of eachother strengthens the relationship. And ACR, active constructive response is the best one to give.

Try next time giving such ACR feedback to your friends, colleagues or even family member’s good news.

Have you noticed this before?

That if someone responds to your good news with the same excitement and enthusiasm and is eager to listen and celebrate with you, you feel closer to that person emotionally.

I have definitely felt so before. (That’s the reason I adore my friends so much…)

But anyway,

Tell me about your experience. Will you try this? Lemme know what you think about it.

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