.

I am scared of you making me happy. I am afraid that in such short time that you are making me so happy, I’ll get used to it. That eventually I’ll stop making myself happy. I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I was so used to your pampering, your care, your love, that you somehow became so important to me that now when you are not here, I can’t do anything on my own. I can’t be happy. I know you won’t stay. At least not forever. When you are gone how will I get over from receiving so much of love and attention to absolutely nothing?

Maybe what they say is true. Maybe I don’t need to give so quickly. Maybe I need to stop loving passionately. But I don’t know how to love without passion. So maybe I shouldn’t love you. Maybe I need to be careful with you, but sometimes I can’t.

Yes, I need breaks from you. To remind myself that I have a different life. To remind myself that you won’t stay forever. To nourish the relationship I have with myself. To realise I am happy even without you.

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Self talk

Okay so self talk is important. And it should always be positive, right?

No, that would never be possible.

Then?

Self talk just needs a little bit of honesty and a whole lot of kindness.

May I be kind to myself

When I talk to myself,
May I be kind
For I know that the kindness I plant in my heart,
Determines the way I’ll go

May I be kind to myself
When I make a mistake,
When I am hurt,
When things go wrong

May I be kind to myself
And validate my pain
Say “this hurts”
And remind myself
I am not the only one,
Suffering is a part of life

May I be kind to myself,
Place a hand on my heart
And say
“Keep going, brave one
For this too shall pass”

© Vrunda Chauk

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