Do you know what makes you happy?

When will you be happy?

Think about it….

Maybe you’d come up with something like – when I get a nice job, when my boyfriend stops fighting with me, when my book gets published, when…..

Okay.

Can you be happy right now?

Umm… Idk maybe…

What can make you happy right now?

A pizza!

Hahaha… I know you were thinking something similar….

Or maybe a dog

Or maybe cat

Or maybe your best friend


Yesterday I talked to my friend and she said there is so much trouble going on right now…

I’d be so happy if this all just ends..

And I thought about it…

Do good things really happen when bad things stop happening?

She was right at her place… When everything around you sucks hurts, you might feel like things will be much better and you would be happier without all this

But are you really happy when bad things stop happening?

No!

You won’t have a pizza if you are not eating vegetables

You might have something else!

What I mean is, we focus too much to making the bad stuff around us go away….

We try to make things right

And that’s okay!

Completely okay

But we’re under illusion that this will make us happy

We might feel relief… That okay… Thankfully this is over

But are you really happy?

Nope!

You need some different activities to make you smile…

As Martin Seligman once said that his patients came to him saying ‘I just want to be happy’ what he translated was that ‘you don’t want to feel distressed’ and then after working on the patients anxiety or depression issues, he thought he will get a happy patient… But he didn’t. he got an ’empty patient’. That’s when he said you cannot have mental health and wellbeing just by eliminating depression and mental illness, you need different activities to build wellbeing.


Just because it isn’t raining doesn’t mean there is sunshine

You can work on this…

Think about what really makes you happy and do more of that in your daily life

Take a little break from fixing everything n just be… Create your happiness…

Especially during these challenging times… That’s what you need to do the most ๐ŸŒผ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒป

But maybe being happy is not your priority right now… Maybe it’s caring for your friend or family member who is struggling. And that is okay, you can take some time to recharge yourself by listening to your favourite song, reading a paragraph from your favourite book or talking with your sister, just do it. Take a little time for yourself too, that way you have more to give others… When your cup is full, then you can fill others๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’•

Know better do better quotes

It is doubtful whether any heavier curse could be imposed on man than the complete gratification of all his wishes without effort on his part, leaving nothing for his hopes, desires and struggles.

– Samuel Smiles

I’ve experienced this so much during lockdown. I mean my basic needs were met. But there was no need to work, like no pressure to study.

Earlier it was fun.

But then I realised there is no enjoyment without work.

No fun in being idle

Doing something you love is fun

Real joy is doing what you love and doing something engaging.. something that is really meaningful to you.

I mean seriously imagine…

What would happen if you had everything you wanted and you didn’t have to work?

Can you live like that?

Maybe for a month… Maybe three months maximum

But I cannot live like that

I realise there is so much joy in working

We don’t really give work the respect it deserves now do we?

Hating Mondays is like a worldwide phenomenon

Okay maybe I don’t get it coz I don’t work yet

But because of this lonnngggg lockdown maybe we all would have realised the importance of looking forward to work, having something good to do..

This quote made me realise that maybe we should feel blessed that we get to work.. every day

Speaking of which…

I am just done submitting my case studies and essays for positive psychology exam. yayyyyy! (just one module done! thankfully 7 more to go.. hey I love learning it.. ๐Ÿ˜…)

Now I’ve to study for final year exam next month

I’ll start from Monday!

(if I feel like studying.. :p)


But really need a break now!

Good night guyssss!!โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

Know better do better quotes

“I am right” brings comfort but not true happiness. The people you feel wronged by will never apologise and make your wounds and grievances go away. The people you judge against will remain isolated from you. No one has ever been made happy by proving that they are right. The only result is conflict and confrontation because the need to be right always makes someone else wrong.

– Deepak Chopra

Feeding ego or caring for others?

He was online.

I texted “hey”

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

Four minutes.

Five minutes.

No reply.

Still online.

What was he doing?

He’s my boyfriend, is he talking to some other girl?

Maybe he’s busy.

So busy that he can’t even reply after 5 whole minutes?

Oh! He saw the message

Close his chat

Okay he’s typing

“Hi”

What? Just hi?

No apology? Sorry or anything?

He thinks I’m free?

Is he taking me for granted?

Hmm

I shouldn’t see his message soon.

I’ll make him wait.

5 mins?

10 mins?

Oh wait! He’s offline

What the hell?

He should wait for me

Why should I wait for him again?

This was the conversation going on in my mind.

Yesterday when my partner texted me a little late, all these things came to my mind.

I had this strange urge to take revenge. Not something big and scary but treating him the way he treated me. (Tbh it wasn’t his fault)


Doesn’t this happen to us?

Someone, especially our partner does something small and we get maddd. (coz we have such high expectations from them)

We don’t bother to ask what was the reason.

Our immediate impulse reaction is to take revenge. Do the same thing to them.

How silly and stupid that sounds?!

I mean this type of behavior is encouraged so much these days due to media. People making issue about little things that don’t even matter. But we make issue of everything.

Just because we want to feel important.

We want to satisfy our ego.

But is it really that important?

Even at the cost of your relationship?


Few days back I read a book by Deepak Chopra, it’s called “The Ultimate Happiness Prescription”.

Here’s a paragraph from this I could completely relate to –

1. Ego feels isolated and alone. Therefore it needs outside validation in order to belong and have worth.

2. The ego feels limited and bounded. Without power and control over others, it fears that it’s helplessness will be exposed.

And in the same book I read following quotes –

The conditions that make ego happy turn out to make who you really are very unhappy. There is no joy in being in charge, no love in controlling others, no expansion in defending the line between right and wrong.

– Deepak Chopra

.

Sometimes love is blocked by the need to be right,to cling to your own viewpoint instead of surrendering to what love would do.

– Deepak Chopra


After remembering this I let go of my anger and replied to him.

He was actually checking some important notice on WhatsApp and reading it to his parents.

I realised I was wrong and thought too much.

I won’t lie sometimes I do get desparate and want to know what’s going on, I do have these negative thoughts. But I don’t act on those anymore.

I try to stay patient and things become clear eventually.

When we try to satisfy ego, we might loose what really matters to us – people.


Excelling at strengths or improving weakness?

Which of the following do you think will lead to success and growth?

A. Improve your weakness

B. Build on your strengths

Most of the people think they need to improve or completely eleminate their weakness. They think that’s the ultimate formula for success or greatness.

They spend so much time working on their weakness, but they just manage to get a little better at it.

While strengths?

Oh you don’t need to bother about that.. since you’re already good at it, why worry?

Right?

We’ll see.

Let me tell you a story –

Meet Sunita. She is the protagonist of our story. She has just started going to 5th grade. Lemme tell you something about Sunita – she is great with numbers. She likes maths a lot.

During the first few weeks of school she realises she hates science and doesn’t want continue her classes.

She decides to talk about this with her parents.

Dad I don’t want to take Science lessons anymore. I don’t like it and neither am I good at it. My grades are dropping continuously”

We’ll get you a science tutor sweety. Don’t worry. You’ll do just fine.”

But dad I don’t want to do just fine… Can I take maths classes instead? I bet those will be more fun. Plus I like to study maths so my grades will improve too.”

You can’t do that dear. It’s just not possible and not right. Science is your weakness but it’s really important to study, so work on that. You’re already good at maths so why bother about it?

You need to take extra classes for Science”

And thus she starts taking Science classes, eventually her interest in maths declines and studies overall seem to be a burden.

She ends up improving in science and becomes a average student.


How do you feel for Sunita?

Maybe she should’ve taken extra classes to improve her math skills.

Oh wait! Then what about science?

I’ve a solution for ya –

Maybe she should have taken both the classes. Maths because she likes it and can get much better at it. This would be encouraging her natural talents.

She needs to take Science class because let’s face it. You have to do everything when you’re in school. Besides her dad is right. It is important to know science too. You can’t be completely ignorant about your weakness.

But working on weakness should definitely not be your only goal.

Think about it.

What will happen if all you did in your life was work to improve your weakness, we’d end up being mediocre, not just about our weakness but overall.

And no one wants to be mediocre these days.

Everyone thinks they’re destined for greatness.

I don’t want to question that.

Coming back to the point –

Yes it is important to address our weakness but only when it gets in your way of success or leads to any harm or stops you from practicing your strengths.

For eg – if a manager of a company is result driven and motivated, it’s good. He knows all the techniques and is good at doing his job. There’s just one problem. His weakness – when someone tells him about some issue he freaks out and scolds the employees for not taking enough care. The employees don’t like him and he doesn’t get promoted.

Here definitely he needs to work on his weakness.

The point is not that you should always forgo this kind of weakness fixing. The point is that you should see weakness for what it is – damage control, not development. Damage control can prevent failure but it will never elevate you to excellence.

– Clifton and Buckingham

Building strengths is important.

It’s like you have your hands that can make beautiful things but because everyone around you uses them to break things, so you choose to do the same.

Okay bad analogy.

But I hope you get the point.

You don’t build self esteem by patting people on the back and telling them that they are wonderful. Confidence is a much more complex phenomenon that comes from experiencing one’s strengths in action.

– Rosabeth Moss Kanter

So yes, you also gain self confidence from exercising your strengths. And this self confidence is not limited to the specific area where you’re good at, it can be carried to other domains in your life as well.

Lastly I will tell you what psychologist Albert Bandura says about mastery experiences –

Mastery experiences are events in which we perform effectively or become noticeably better at something and experience success. These mastery experiences lead to increase in self confidence and in turn leads to better performance and likelihood of future mastery experience. It’s a virtuous cycle.

– Albert Bandura

So I hope by now you must’ve changed your answer.

And now I hope you will work on finding your strengths and dedicate time to get better at it.

If you are working try to think about how can you use your strengths at your workplace

Even if you can’t, just dedicate some time to getting better at that daily.

Hope that will make you feel better and more confident overall ๐Ÿ™‚

Thank you for time and support! I’m so grateful that you give me wonderful feedback so that I always feel like writing (getting better at my strength) haha..

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