Taking responsibility

Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Victor Frankl

When you say you are responsible for your actions-

Someone would be like.. “oh! so now you’re blaming me for everything?!”

And someone would be like..

“that’s empowering! So it means that no matter what happens to me, I can still choose to react the way I want… Hmmm… Maybe I’ll try to react better next time and see if the situation gets better”

Choose the response that feels right for you.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Maybe we could also reframe that as –

With great responsibility comes great power!

This is true too!

There are 6 pillars of self esteem. (according to Nathaniel Brandon.)

One of those is “self responsibility”. It means when you take responsibility for you actions and your life, you report high self esteem.

What does it actually mean to take responsibility?

It means to not blame others for your misfortune and getting up, dusting off and improving things for yourself.

This is not always easy, I get it. But please understand it’s also liberating.

When you go through a breakup, you feel sad and isolated. We can’t numb feelings, allow yourself to feel that. Don’t blame him/her. Just accept what happened. (Okay maybe go through the stage of blaming, but don’t be stuck there. Move ahead.)

After a period of time when you are feeling a little better or things start to seem a little easier, take control of your life.

Do the things you can to get better. Emotionally and mentally.

Remember no one is going to do that for you. No one is coming to save you. And also remember that You yourself can and should save you.

We are each responsible for our own life. If you are holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you are wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive. Begin noticing how each day brings a new opportunity for your growth. Pay attention. Every choice gives you a chance to pave your own road. Keep moving. Full speed ahead.

– Oprah Winfrey

3 facts about happiness

If you really think about it…this seems logical right?

Like it cannot be that you are very unhappy and then suddenly you become successful and you boom! Now you’ll be happy for the rest of your life.

Of course you will get a large happiness boost. But after some time you will get used to your changed lifestyle and things won’t excite you that much.

You will be back to your normal self.

But those who are happy most of the time are more likely to be successful!

Coz of course you want to pursue things when you are happy, you have a optimistic outlook that everything will work out, you don’t give up in face of adversity.

These qualities really seem to help you become successful.

When you are happy, those positive emotions don’t just stick with you, you spread positive vibes wherever you go.

I have noticed this for myself that when I am feeling good and cheerful I want to help others, compliment others, just share happiness with everyone I come across.

On the contrary when I’m feeling low, I just want everyone to leave me alone for a while. I have less energy and enthusiasm. If I’m sad because of some problem all my attention is focused on solving that problem and I don’t pay much attention to others around me.

Who else feels the same?

Stop and smell the roses 🌹

Yep! They are right. Happiness is in little things.

When we think about what makes us happy, mostly we come up with answers like – talking to my bf after a long day, having chai with bestie, long drives with family, making fun DIYs with sister, baarish aur chai…..💓💕

Soooo… The point is that these things are something we will remember and cherish forever.

We may not remember the time we brought fancy car, but we remember the time when we went on long drive with friends.

Don’t get me wrong, material things are also important and financial security is the first priority.

But when it comes to happiness, memories with people count more than material happiness.

“Happiness consists more in conveniences of pleasure that occur everyday than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom.”

– Benjamin Franklin

Present

Sometimes when i think about future and get scared,

I think about present and thank God

I try not to miss today’s sunshine,

While worrying whether I’ll see it again in future

© Vrunda Chauk

Quotes-Notes

Best thing about him?

He helps me believe in myself

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There’s nothing like having a supportive and understanding partner.. is there?

The One

I miss you. I haven’t met you yet but I miss you. Sometimes I wonder where can I find you – online? In the local cafe? In shopping mall? Or on a random street? Or through a friend? Possibilities are endless…

I don’t want you to complete me or to fill in my loneliness void. No, I don’t even want you to make me happy…. I have realised I can do all these things by myself. And believe me I am doing all this as good as I can… But sometimes…. I need you. Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

I see those happy couples on insta and when I read their captions I can literally feel their love for each other. That makes me wonder when will I get to love someone like this… When will someone love me like this… Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

Yesterday I was listening to a romantic song. The lyrics felt like you are speaking to me and I’m calling out to you… Sometimes it feels like you are here somewhere.. talking to me through songs and stories.. but why can’t I see you yet?

Love is something that can’t be rushed, they say. But I am done waiting. And you know I’m impatient as hell..

I don’t think you’ll be perfect in every way… But you’ll be right for me and that’s what matters… I am not the type of girl who believes in fairy tales and happy endings… But I know I can have someone whom I can live happily with. Someone who can support my growth and nourish me with love.

Will you meet me soon?

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Don’t we all feel like this at times?

Best possible selves

How many of the following statements you agree with?

1. I know all the things that are wrong in life

2. I spend too much time thinking about things that don’t go right

3. I don’t know what I really want in my life

4. Life no longer feels good, it’s all bad things happening around me

If you can relate to at least 2 of these statements keep reading. Here’s something you can do..

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Why don’t we think about good things that can happen in future?

Because we don’t want good to happen in future…?

Nah! That’s rubbish

So why not?

Maybe we have this fear that if we visualise everything good happening to us… We’ll be disheartened when it doesn’t happen.

Well yeah… Maybe

But then what to we do?

We spend so much time thinking about all that’s not going well in our life.

But do we ever ask ourselves what if this negative doesn’t happen? What if it’s not so intense? What if you realise that you’ve spent all my life thinking about things that could go wrong and it never happened?

Wouldn’t that be a wastage of your time and energy?

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Thinking positively about your future and your present or being optimistic, can have lots of benefits in the long run.

Imagine this. Rohan works in a bank. Though he never wanted to work in a bank, he dreamt of being a comic artist. He’s really good at making comics. He makes lots of funny, interesting comics. But he never sells them or shows them to anyone. Why? Because he’s pessimistic about his art. He thinks his profession cannot be changed now, that’s his destiny. He has to accept it.

What would have you done, if you were Rohan?

You’d have started your own Instagram page.. doing this “side hustle” thing. Creating videos on YouTube about making comics or sending your comics to magzines and all?

Why would you do that?

Because you believe there’s something better out there. Because you are “optimistic” about your future. Because you think you deserve what you dream of.

That’s why optimism is necessary. When you are optimistic about something and you think this can be done, you invest even more into that thing. You don’t easily give up.

Optimism motivates you to work hard.

Optimistic thinking enhances happiness. You feel good about yourself and your future. That affects your overall wellbeing.

If you have something to look forward to, you will feel energised, motivated, enthusiastic.

You will feel good about yourself and feel able to control your destiny

– Sonja Lyubomirsky

Well, all this seems like common sense right?

So here’s how you can apply this common sense in your daily life –

In this activity you have to write about how will your life look like 3/5 years from now.

“Imagine yourself in future, everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all your life goals. Think of this as a realisation of your life dreams and your best potential”

These were the instructions given by Sonja Lyubomirsky to the participants who did this “best possible selves” activity. This wonderful activity was designed by Laura King – Professor at University of Missouri-Columbia.

If you think it’s all about “wishful thinking” or fantasizing your dream life, then hello, let me clear that.

No, it’s not about daydreaming or anything. You have to also find ways of how you can achieve that dream life. Think about what you are doing right now or what you can do to achieve your goals.

What are the benefits?

– For starters you’ll be clear about what you exactly want in your life. Think about it – how many of you have clear idea about how you want your life to look like in 3 years? And what are you doing about it now?

As I said you’ll find answer to these questions.

– Then, you will end up feeling a sense of autonomy about your future. And also a sense of responsibility, to make these dreams come true.

– If you do this activity once a week for 3 months or so, your happiness levels will gradually increase.

When you think about good stuff and most importantly write about good stuff, you tend to feel more motivated, dedicated towards your goal.

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If you identify yourself as a pessimist or want to feel more motivated and inspired towards your goals… What are you waiting for? Grab a pen and paper and do this activity!

And don’t forget to tell me how it goes! 😉

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Stay happy, stay blessed! ♡

Magic of gratitude

Okay so now I’m going to brainwash you into practicing gratitude.

Don’t worry it’s going to benefit you in manyyyyy ways.

So what is gratitude?

Must have heard “attitude of gratitude” saying.. but let’s not get into such meme related stuff here. Let’s get real for a while

Gratitude is a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness and appreciation for life

– Robert Emmons

Aha! This quote really touched my heart

So it’s a feeling of thankfulness about – the ice cream you ate today.. the treat your friend gave you last week… Well yeah.. something like that.

So now… You must be thinking hell yeah! I know that but I ain’t gonna say thank you for everything.

Seriously?

Lemme tell you the benefits –

Research has found that grateful people are more happier 😊 and energetic 😍 and hopeful 😀 than those who aren’t so grateful.

Plus…

They are more helpful and empathic

More forgiving

Anddd

Less materialistic!

Sounds great?

And also for all the fitness freaks out there –

Practicing gratitude is also linked to physical health.

Well… That doesn’t mean you’re going to get six packs in six weeks of practicing gratitude. 🙄

It just means your immunity will improve. You’ll think good thoughts and maybe feel more energetic in gym.

In her book ‘How of happiness’ Sonja Lyubomirsky explains 8 ways in which gratitude helps you.

8 super awesome ways gratitude helps you!

1. Grateful thinking promotes the savouring of positive life experiences

Here’s how I remember it –

Eat your icecream before it melts..

Enjoy the moment before it’s over. Be grateful and enjoy the present time before it’s gone.

Enjoy your college years before going for a job and reflecting back on college days and thinking “those were the days…..”

2. Expressing gratitude bolsters self worth and self esteem

Now imagine a very common situation –

You are late for a party.

You’ll probably say – “Sorry for being late guys… There was traffic” (or whatever lame excuse you come up with)

And they’ll probably ignore you… And you might end up feeling bad about yourself

Now what if you say –

“Thank you so much guys for waiting for me! I am so glad that you all are my friends”

Guess what would happen?

They won’t feel that bad about it… Anddd… Even you’ll feel better… Soooo much better! (I am so glad you are my friends…..🤗)

Boom! Shift in focus..

You feel better about yourself and others after expressing gratitude

3. Gratitude helps people cope with stress and trauma

Yeah… It does!

It’s challenging to express gratitude when you’re stressed or depressed. But like every other medicine you have to take this sour medicine to get better (I mean feel better)

In this period.. you may not have big things to be grateful for.. but it’s the little things that count. You could be grateful you had healthy food today or your friend came to talk to you or something like that.

But feel the gratitude. Say it out loud.

4. Expression of gratitude encourages moral behaviour.

You’re more likely to help others when you feel grateful.

Here’s the thing – when you are aware about your own blessings you want to be that blessing for someone else.

When everything is going good in your life, you are more likely to help others. It’s like when your cup is full, it overflows.

So if you want to help others, start by feeling more grateful about your own situation. It helps, trust me!

And when you help others it gives a more positive boost about yourself.

5. Gratitude can help build social bonds, strengthening existing relationships and nourishing new ones.

When you constantly realise how blessed you are to have this person in your life…

You treat them better! Even they treat you better!

Oh I’m so blessed to have you in my life honey… I really appreciate you doing the dishes yesterday and even though you were tired… You talked with me for a while and asked me about my day before going to bed… It’s these little things that make me so happy!

I feel the same darling. I remember the time when my mom was in hospital and you spent a week there taking care of her. She was so happy to have you there.. I will always remember the good things you’ve done for me and my family, this is nothing compared to that..

After reading this how many of you went “awwww”

Yeah! That’s how it gets.

Genuine appreciation has a wonderful impact. It kinda creates a “positive feedback loop” where both parties express their gratitude and feel awesome! For the rest of the week…

If you constantly remind yourself of the good things other person has done to you it might get hard to even get angry at them or when you do, it’s resolved quickly coz you know there’s more to this person than just this one incident.

So gratitude also helps in relationships! ❤️

6. Expressing gratitude tends to inhibit invidious comparison with others.

I am going for a vacation in Bahamas! Yay! I’m so excited for it… Where are you going?

For this vacation I’m going to visit my family after a year! Due to work and being in different country I cannot visit them that often. I’m so blessed to spend this vacation with them! I can’t wait to see my little sister and play some pranks with her… Haha..

Did person 2 feel jealous?

No!

Because she appreciates what she has. Did she compare? Nah! I don’t think so…

That’s what feeling of gratitude does.. it helps you appreciate what you have and makes you less materialistic.

7. Practice of gratitude is incompatible with negative emotions and may actually dimnish or deter such feelings as anger, bitterness and greed.

Can you feel angry and happy at the same time?

You can’t! No one can…

Some bittersweet feelings are there… But not really

If you thank someone for helping you, (genuinely) they are more likely to do that in future. Not just to you, but to others as well. It’s like creating a positive ripple. Everyone is benefited.

Do you feel guilty sometimes receiving help?

You won’t when you thank them from the bottom of your heart. You’ll realise you’re surrounded by kind people and they’ll feel happy as they are the kind ones.

Win-win situation for both parties!

8. Gratitude helps us thwart hedonic adaptation.

Do you remember the excitement you feel when you get something you always wanted…. And after few days… You don’t feel that happy about the thing.

For example – You always wanted to try the donuts of that new donut shop. Suddenly they open a branch next to your house. You feel sooo happy, you eat their donuts straight for 2 weeks.

Would you feel like going to that shop again? Will the excitement be the same?

Noooooo

(don’t lie.. it won’t)

Sooo… Here’s what you can do

When you go there next time, order a donut and feel grateful for the opportunity to eat it. Like… Wow… This is so yummm…. *Takes a bite… Wowww… I’ve never tasted anything like this….. It’s soo good!!!!

Just don’t say this loudly or you may never be allowed to enter the shop again!😂

But you get the point right?!

Hedonic adaptation is the way you adapt to new changes quickly and it doesn’t feel so interesting afterwards

So gratitude comes to your rescue even here!

See… I told you I’m gonna brainwash you into practicing gratitude.

So tell me… Was I successful in my mission? 😁

And lastly….

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I am scared of you making me happy. I am afraid that in such short time that you are making me so happy, I’ll get used to it. That eventually I’ll stop making myself happy. I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I was so used to your pampering, your care, your love, that you somehow became so important to me that now when you are not here, I can’t do anything on my own. I can’t be happy. I know you won’t stay. At least not forever. When you are gone how will I get over from receiving so much of love and attention to absolutely nothing?

Maybe what they say is true. Maybe I don’t need to give so quickly. Maybe I need to stop loving passionately. But I don’t know how to love without passion. So maybe I shouldn’t love you. Maybe I need to be careful with you, but sometimes I can’t.

Yes, I need breaks from you. To remind myself that I have a different life. To remind myself that you won’t stay forever. To nourish the relationship I have with myself. To realise I am happy even without you.…

What’s good?

Pause. Stop criticising for a while. Stop ruminating about how bad you are doing. Stop overthinking about the situation.

Just ask yourself

What’s good?

We hardly take time to see what are the good things that are happening with us.

No really, ask yourself What’s good that happened today?

What’s good that happened last week?

What’s good that is happening right now?

Maybe it’s the great family dinner you had last week, maybe it’s your favorite dish your mom cooked for you yesterday, maybe it’s sharing quality time with your best friend today.

Talk about these things!

Notice them.

Appreciate that.

Share your happy memories 💕

The best way to multiply your happiness, is to share it with others.

Next time when you meet someone don’t ask them how they are doing and how was their day… Ask them – What’s good?