The One

I miss you. I haven’t met you yet but I miss you. Sometimes I wonder where can I find you – online? In the local cafe? In shopping mall? Or on a random street? Or through a friend? Possibilities are endless…

I don’t want you to complete me or to fill in my loneliness void. No, I don’t even want you to make me happy…. I have realised I can do all these things by myself. And believe me I am doing all this as good as I can… But sometimes…. I need you. Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

I see those happy couples on insta and when I read their captions I can literally feel their love for each other. That makes me wonder when will I get to love someone like this… When will someone love me like this… Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

Yesterday I was listening to a romantic song. The lyrics felt like you are speaking to me and I’m calling out to you… Sometimes it feels like you are here somewhere.. talking to me through songs and stories.. but why can’t I see you yet?

Love is something that can’t be rushed, they say. But I am done waiting. And you know I’m impatient as hell..

I don’t think you’ll be perfect in every way… But you’ll be right for me and that’s what matters… I am not the type of girl who believes in fairy tales and happy endings… But I know I can have someone whom I can live happily with. Someone who can support my growth and nourish me with love.

Will you meet me soon?


Don’t we all feel like this at times?

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I am scared of you making me happy. I am afraid that in such short time that you are making me so happy, I’ll get used to it. That eventually I’ll stop making myself happy. I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I was so used to your pampering, your care, your love, that you somehow became so important to me that now when you are not here, I can’t do anything on my own. I can’t be happy. I know you won’t stay. At least not forever. When you are gone how will I get over from receiving so much of love and attention to absolutely nothing?

Maybe what they say is true. Maybe I don’t need to give so quickly. Maybe I need to stop loving passionately. But I don’t know how to love without passion. So maybe I shouldn’t love you. Maybe I need to be careful with you, but sometimes I can’t.

Yes, I need breaks from you. To remind myself that I have a different life. To remind myself that you won’t stay forever. To nourish the relationship I have with myself. To realise I am happy even without you.

Me

“It’s okay”
“It happens”
“Don’t worry”
“Everything will be alright”

I find myself saying this to my friends, family and colleagues

But when something goes wrong with me
All I say is –
“You could’ve done better”
“How dumb you are!”
“What will they think about you?”

I fight myself while I try to heal others
I am harsh on myself
While I try to be kind to others

I need to remind myself
I am human too
I make mistakes too
I am allowed to forgive myself

I need to give myself what I’ve given others
I need to love myself the way I love others

© Vrunda Chauk

Note to self – 6 (when you don’t get what you want)

That frustration you experience when you’re trying hard but still not getting what you want..

When you are so passionate about something and want it badly, still you have to wait…

Ever felt that?

It’s happening with me.

After lot of efforts to change my mood, I wrote this – (something I really needed to hear)

Dear Self,

I am proud of you for the efforts you’re putting in to get this.

I understand how badly you want it. And I know you will get it soon.

Keep going, I’m here to cheer you. You are doing great.

I know it’s not working.

But something that’s more important than success is the process of getting there. Make sure you enjoy the grind, the process, try to have some fun and keep going.

There is no ray of light now, but I can promise you, if you keep going your sunshine is not far away.

This frustration that you’re experiencing now, remember one day you will be telling people how you overcame it and “made it to the top

By the time, try to improve your game. See what else you have to learn, what risks you can take, this is the time you have nothing to loose. Just give it your all and keep faith.

Your future is bright!

Cheering for you,

Me

Note to self – 5 (cherish the moments)

Have you ever felt that sudden, extreme fear when everything in your life is going well?

You are afraid and you know (from your experience) that something bad will happen now.

You feel scared to have so much beauty, so much joy in your life that you are afraid something terrible might happen.

Here’s something I tell myself in those moments –

Dear Self,

First of all, cherish these moments.. life is finally going the way you wanted it to.

You have someone you love, beside you, I know you have waited for a long time for this to happen, now it’s here!

You are growing, exploring so fast, learning new things, feeling confident for once in your life! Having good friends besides you who are ready to share your joy and sadness.

Looks like a dream, doesn’t it? But fortunately, you’re living this dream.

Take a moment to thank God for all the blessings you have in your life.

For a moment, just forget everything and enjoy this very moment.

Look at the beauty around you, store it in your eyes, in your heart, in your soul…

Will this change?

Definitely! But you will have these memories… for once in your life… Everything was perfect!

You may not feel so bad about the change, if you truly enjoy the happy time, while it lasts.

And life is just a switch between positive and negative, things will change..

Don’t let that stop you from cherishing good memories

Afterall who knows, the positives might come again in a different form?!

Blessings and love!♥️

Me

One of the best interviews

I heard about Najwa Zebian through Instagram.

She wrote beautiful, meaningful and deep poems. And I liked that. You guys might’ve heard about her books ‘Nectar of pain’ and ‘Mind platter’

But that’s not it!

She is wonderful!!! She’s beyond that.

I just saw her interview and… I’m speechless…

Go check it out to understand what I mean –

https://youtu.be/xWWSgnIGIRg

I loved the way she talks about relationships and how to fulfill your need of love and basically accepting that you need love and that’s okay.

She also talked about the harsh experiences she went through and how bravely she faced it.

She also gave a wonderful definition of self love…

I mean… You guys gotta check out her video!!! (Thank me later! Haha..)

Here’s the link once again

https://youtu.be/xWWSgnIGIRg

P.S – The concept of Gaslight! Woah! I mean I could totally relate to that but I never thought it had a name….

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