What’s the best way to respond to good news?

Let’s say your girlfriend tells you that she has been promoted at work.

How would you respond to it?

Will you say –

A. That’s good. Congrats!

B. But now you will have to work extra hours, have you thought about how to manage everything?

C. What’s for dinner?

D. Wow! That’s amazing! Congratulations!! Did your boss like the project you made a week ago? Tell me more about it. Let’s celebrate!

Okay so if you are being honest, maybe you’ll say something from A B and C.

The D option is mostly used by girls and their best friends! Am I right ladies?

(When you tell your girl that you’re promoted or something she’s gonna get really excited and insist you to tell the whole story – what happened, how you felt, everything! And then maybe you’ll end up celebrating all night)

Okay I don’t want to be biased here. But in my experience I haven’t received such type of response from my boyfriend or the boys friends that I have. But girls?! Oh the girls! They always say something like that.

You’re still not getting why am I talking about this are you?

Imagine you are telling your best friend or family member or your cousin about your promotion at work.

Which of the above reaction would you like them to give?

How will you feel when they say “good. congrats!”?

Maybe okay. Not so good.

How will you feel when they tell you about the new challenges or problems you might be facing?

That’s such a turnoff. You were so excited and now it’s ruined. Maybe you won’t feel like sharing good news with this person again (unless of course they play a major role in your life). But still a major turnoff.

How will you feel when they ignore what you are saying completely and talk about something else?

Ouch. Who does that? Definitely not telling you next time.

And how would you feel if they get all hyped up and enhance your mood, encourage you to relive the experience and tell them about it. When you see that spark in their eyes that they are really interested and genuinely happy for you, that will make your day.

No doubt. That’s the best response anyone can give. (I am telling you everything from now on. You’re my best friend! 😉 )

Okay so why am I talking so much about how to respond? Why does it matter so much?

It does.

Take a look at this research –

The work of Shelly Gable, a psychologist at the University of California–Los Angeles, has shown that how we respond to positive events, such as a person sharing his or her accomplishments with us, is a better predictor of relationship success than how we respond to negative events

She has shown 4 ways we respond to accomplishments –

A. That’s good. Congrats!

This is passive constructive response.

B. But now you will have to work extra hours, have you thought about how to manage everything?

This is active destructive response.

C. What’s for dinner?

This is passive destructive response.

D. Wow! That’s amazing! Congratulations!! Did your boss like the project you made a week ago? Tell me more about it. Let’s celebrate!

This active constructive response. (ACR)

ACR creates what Fredrickson and Joiner call “upward spirals” of positive emotions—extending the sharer’s enjoyment beyond the discovery or event itself, and building positive capacity so that the relationship will be better able to weather negative events.

– From the book – Joy of leadership (by Tal Ben Shahar and Angus Ridgway)

So research has found that how you respond to good news of eachother strengthens the relationship. And ACR, active constructive response is the best one to give.

Try next time giving such ACR feedback to your friends, colleagues or even family member’s good news.

Have you noticed this before?

That if someone responds to your good news with the same excitement and enthusiasm and is eager to listen and celebrate with you, you feel closer to that person emotionally.

I have definitely felt so before. (That’s the reason I adore my friends so much…)

But anyway,

Tell me about your experience. Will you try this? Lemme know what you think about it.

Things to understand

It’s true. When there are so many unhappy people around us, so many disasters going around.. you might feel guilty for being happy.

Tbh these days when I study positive psychology and it includes concepts of happiness and wellbeing I feel weird. Like why am I doing this? I’m not even in the mood of thinking about wellbeing when I’m seeing problems all around me.

But then I realised, positive psychology is not just about feeling happy emotions all the time.

When you are feeling low, you’re facing real problems and feeling like you are stuck in dark cave of hopelessness, positive psychology helps you accept your situation, believe that you can get out of this and helps you actually deal with the situation in a helpful way.

That made me get back to studies. Plus, it also encouraged me to apply all the interventions that I’m learning about in my daily life and benefit from that.

When you feel low, you don’t really want to do anything. Your attention is focused at one particular negative thing and you simply ignore everything positive that’s around you.

When we feel negative emotions our immediate response is fight or flight. We narrow down our focus. For human beings to survive this is necessary.

But at the same time there are benefits of feeling positive emotions.

When you feel better not only you take other things into consideration, you are more likely to contribute to others happiness.

We all know that we can’t give what we don’t have. What about happiness then?How could you make others happy when you are feeling low?

Again there’s nothing wrong with feeling low. I understand. These are tough times. We all are going through a lot. It’s okay to feel sadness, anger, grief. It’s completely natural. It’s human.

Take your time. Recharge. Refill yourself with love and care.

But remember you are not hurting anyone by being happy. In fact, research has proven this – you are much more likely to contribute to others happiness when you yourself are happy and grateful.

Take care guys!❤️

Poem

Sometimes
you are unsatisfied with your life,
while many people in this world
are dreaming of living your life…

A child on a farm sees a plane
fly overhead and dreams of flying.
but a pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse
and dreams of returning home

That’s life! Enjoy yours…

If wealth is secret to happiness,
then the rich should be dancing on the streets
but only poor kids do that.

If power ensures security,
then officials should walk unguarded.
but those who live simply, sleep soundly.

If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships,
then celebrities should have best marriages.

Live simply

Walk humbly

And love genuinely…

All good will come back to you..

– Dr. Ben Carson

Present

Sometimes when i think about future and get scared,

I think about present and thank God

I try not to miss today’s sunshine,

While worrying whether I’ll see it again in future

© Vrunda Chauk

The One

I miss you. I haven’t met you yet but I miss you. Sometimes I wonder where can I find you – online? In the local cafe? In shopping mall? Or on a random street? Or through a friend? Possibilities are endless…

I don’t want you to complete me or to fill in my loneliness void. No, I don’t even want you to make me happy…. I have realised I can do all these things by myself. And believe me I am doing all this as good as I can… But sometimes…. I need you. Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

I see those happy couples on insta and when I read their captions I can literally feel their love for each other. That makes me wonder when will I get to love someone like this… When will someone love me like this… Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

Yesterday I was listening to a romantic song. The lyrics felt like you are speaking to me and I’m calling out to you… Sometimes it feels like you are here somewhere.. talking to me through songs and stories.. but why can’t I see you yet?

Love is something that can’t be rushed, they say. But I am done waiting. And you know I’m impatient as hell..

I don’t think you’ll be perfect in every way… But you’ll be right for me and that’s what matters… I am not the type of girl who believes in fairy tales and happy endings… But I know I can have someone whom I can live happily with. Someone who can support my growth and nourish me with love.

Will you meet me soon?


Don’t we all feel like this at times?

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