How do you motivate others?

if you don’t study hard, you will end up broke and unemployed. look at your friends how good they are doing, everyone is studying at least 13-15 hours a day. and you don’t even know what to do with your life! time is running out. you better figure it out now or else it will be too late.

you don’t really work hard. you think you study and you want to study but all you do is get distracted and regret. commitment, dedication is required to be successful. you will end up like a big looser if you don’t take this seriously now. this is the time. you can make or break your career.”

Doesn’t this sound more like criticism than encouragement?

I used to receive such advices or “motivation” from my friends all the time.

Though they meant well, I knew this motivation didn’t last long.

I felt bad and studied well for the next few days, then again I would loose the will to study hard further.

Doesn’t this happen all the time?

But still, we always try to motivate the person in this way. Because we think that making them aware of the “harsh reality” will encourage them to do better.

Deep down we know it doesn’t.

So what works?

In Psychology, we have been taught about the push and pull motivators.

Push is when you feel compelled to do something against your will. You are pushed to do something.

The opposite is pull.

This is when the goal itself pulls you. You take efforts to achieve the goal because you want to. Not because of what everyone said but because you really want to do it.

As you might have guessed,

Pull motivators work most of the time.

When you genuinely realise how important the goal is to you, you are willing to take efforts in that direction.

This works 99% of the time for most of the people.

Next time when you want to motivate someone, or even yourself, try to remind them how important this is for them

Better still, ask questions and let them describe how important the goal is for them.

Then in kind words encourage them to take actions. Make them belive that they can do it. That you trust them.

(Trust is also a good motivator btw)

When they know you’re counting on them to succeed, not in a only-success-is-expected way but a little nicer, I know you can do it well way, they are more likely to make effort and give you the expected results.


– How was your day?

– Good. I studied as expected. I feel productive.

– Oh good. I didn’t really get anything done today. My cousins came over and I had to go for a friend’s birthday party

– That’s okay! You know this is important too. Spending time with your friends and family. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just don’t give up effort. Study well tomorrow

Labels

We need reasons
Reasons for everything
Not just a reason,
We like to label

When I am scared to speak in public
I label myself as introvert
I don’t try to see whether it’s my extreme fear or just a feeling everyone goes through

When I label myself
I repeat
I am an introvert.. I am an introvert..
So I try to behave like one

That day I thought of saying what I felt in class
In front of everyone
But,
“Introverts don’t speak in public, they don’t like attention”

Thus I killed my desire numerous times,
To fit into the category
I gave myself

One day I was forced to enter in elocution competition
I closed my eyes and told myself
I am not afraid of speaking in public
It’s not that bad

I didn’t get a round of applause
But my teacher beamed at me
“Yes, you spoke!”

© Vrunda Chauk

Me

“It’s okay”
“It happens”
“Don’t worry”
“Everything will be alright”

I find myself saying this to my friends, family and colleagues

But when something goes wrong with me
All I say is –
“You could’ve done better”
“How dumb you are!”
“What will they think about you?”

I fight myself while I try to heal others
I am harsh on myself
While I try to be kind to others

I need to remind myself
I am human too
I make mistakes too
I am allowed to forgive myself

I need to give myself what I’ve given others
I need to love myself the way I love others

© Vrunda Chauk

The real “secret” about Law of Attraction

Let me begin by sharing what actually the law of attraction means –

Law of attraction is the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences into a person’s life.

Many people try to manifest everything they want into their lives by using this law.

Some of them think you should just have positive thoughts and think about everything you want as if you already have it and it will be granted.

But is just thinking about it enough?

Picture this –

You are really hungry. You want to eat pizza at night. You are imagining you have pizza, with lots of cheese, it’s all yours, you are taking the first bite, then the second… You are so happy!

Can just thinking this way fill your belly?

No.

So what do you do?

You at least have to get up from your couch and pick up the phone and order pizza!

Right?

Is just “thinking about it enough?”

One more thing – Law of attraction asks you to truly believe in what you want. It asks you to completely believe it’s yours. You have it.

So for example –

Let’s say you want a promotion next month.

You are more likely to believe that you will have it when you’re actually working hard and making progress.

You won’t believe you’ll have promotion if you were on leave for 10 days last month.

You are more likely to believe in your wish and attract stuff when you are actually working towards it.

Just believing without doing something is like saying –

“I know I have built a finance firm, it’s a great company and I am the CEO…..”

Without knowing a single thing about running a big company.

Use your logic at times my friends.

I don’t have anything against Law of attraction. I think it’s great. It really works. But you have to move along with your vibes.

I think actions and beliefs go hand in hand. The better you act, the stronger is your belief that you will have it. And the stronger your belief, the better you will act.

For example –

You say – “Taylor Swift is the best pop singer in the world! She’s so amazing, I love her….. (your belief)

But I don’t listen to her songs” (your action)

Such contradiction won’t happen right?😄

This is something I’ve learnt about the law of attraction.


Moral of the story – Don’t use Law of attraction as an excuse to avoid work. You have to put your work where your mouth is.

And I say this again

(this is the real secret) –

The stronger you believe in your dreams, the harder you will work.

That’s just something I’ve seen in my life.


Hope this was helpful guys!

It’s just my perspective about this topic. Yours may be different and that’s okay.

I’d love to hear your views on this topic.

Thank you for being here!❤️


Note to self – 3 (healthy perspective)

There are so many ways to look at things. In fact there are many many different perspectives about one single thing.

Sometimes we don’t know the truth or we partially know the truth and we assume the rest.

For example –
You didn’t get selected in a interview.

There can be many reasons!

What do you tell yourself?

What are your thoughts?

“I’m not good enough.. I don’t have the necessary skills… I don’t think I’ll ever get the job”

Now these can be your immediate thoughts… I get it. 90% people might have this as their first response

But problem arises when you stick to those thoughts for… days, months or even years!

Can you imagine? You let that one single failure, one problem, one thought define your entire life.

You need to ask yourself –

Will thinking in this way help me?

Here’s “the story” you need to tell yourself –

Dear me,

I think you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. There are so many other ways to look at this.

I realise this is not the end of the world. I have many chances ahead of me. I won’t give up.

I’m just getting started. I might face some difficulties but I need to keep going and hope for the best.

I believe it’s me who has the power to choose my perspective. I choose the optimistic perspective. It may or may not turn out well, but its much better than having pessimist attitude and giving up.

By looking at the bright side I will at least get the motivation to keep going. Which I need the most right now.

And who knows…
Some problems are a blessing in disguise! 😉

You are blessed honey!

With love,
Me

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