Labels

We need reasons
Reasons for everything
Not just a reason,
We like to label

When I am scared to speak in public
I label myself as introvert
I don’t try to see whether it’s my extreme fear or just a feeling everyone goes through

When I label myself
I repeat
I am an introvert.. I am an introvert..
So I try to behave like one

That day I thought of saying what I felt in class
In front of everyone
But,
“Introverts don’t speak in public, they don’t like attention”

Thus I killed my desire numerous times,
To fit into the category
I gave myself

One day I was forced to enter in elocution competition
I closed my eyes and told myself
I am not afraid of speaking in public
It’s not that bad

I didn’t get a round of applause
But my teacher beamed at me
“Yes, you spoke!”

© Vrunda Chauk

Me

“It’s okay”
“It happens”
“Don’t worry”
“Everything will be alright”

I find myself saying this to my friends, family and colleagues

But when something goes wrong with me
All I say is –
“You could’ve done better”
“How dumb you are!”
“What will they think about you?”

I fight myself while I try to heal others
I am harsh on myself
While I try to be kind to others

I need to remind myself
I am human too
I make mistakes too
I am allowed to forgive myself

I need to give myself what I’ve given others
I need to love myself the way I love others

© Vrunda Chauk

The real “secret” about Law of Attraction

Let me begin by sharing what actually the law of attraction means –

Law of attraction is the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences into a person’s life.

Many people try to manifest everything they want into their lives by using this law.

Some of them think you should just have positive thoughts and think about everything you want as if you already have it and it will be granted.

But is just thinking about it enough?

Picture this –

You are really hungry. You want to eat pizza at night. You are imagining you have pizza, with lots of cheese, it’s all yours, you are taking the first bite, then the second… You are so happy!

Can just thinking this way fill your belly?

No.

So what do you do?

You at least have to get up from your couch and pick up the phone and order pizza!

Right?

Is just “thinking about it enough?”

One more thing – Law of attraction asks you to truly believe in what you want. It asks you to completely believe it’s yours. You have it.

So for example –

Let’s say you want a promotion next month.

You are more likely to believe that you will have it when you’re actually working hard and making progress.

You won’t believe you’ll have promotion if you were on leave for 10 days last month.

You are more likely to believe in your wish and attract stuff when you are actually working towards it.

Just believing without doing something is like saying –

“I know I have built a finance firm, it’s a great company and I am the CEO…..”

Without knowing a single thing about running a big company.

Use your logic at times my friends.

I don’t have anything against Law of attraction. I think it’s great. It really works. But you have to move along with your vibes.

I think actions and beliefs go hand in hand. The better you act, the stronger is your belief that you will have it. And the stronger your belief, the better you will act.

For example –

You say – “Taylor Swift is the best pop singer in the world! She’s so amazing, I love her….. (your belief)

But I don’t listen to her songs” (your action)

Such contradiction won’t happen right?😄

This is something I’ve learnt about the law of attraction.

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Moral of the story – Don’t use Law of attraction as an excuse to avoid work. You have to put your work where your mouth is.

And I say this again

(this is the real secret) –

The stronger you believe in your dreams, the harder you will work.

That’s just something I’ve seen in my life.

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Hope this was helpful guys!

It’s just my perspective about this topic. Yours may be different and that’s okay.

I’d love to hear your views on this topic.

Thank you for being here!❤️

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Note to self – 3 (healthy perspective)

There are so many ways to look at things. In fact there are many many different perspectives about one single thing.

Sometimes we don’t know the truth or we partially know the truth and we assume the rest.

For example –
You didn’t get selected in a interview.

There can be many reasons!

What do you tell yourself?

What are your thoughts?

“I’m not good enough.. I don’t have the necessary skills… I don’t think I’ll ever get the job”

Now these can be your immediate thoughts… I get it. 90% people might have this as their first response

But problem arises when you stick to those thoughts for… days, months or even years!

Can you imagine? You let that one single failure, one problem, one thought define your entire life.

You need to ask yourself –

Will thinking in this way help me?

Here’s “the story” you need to tell yourself –

Dear me,

I think you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. There are so many other ways to look at this.

I realise this is not the end of the world. I have many chances ahead of me. I won’t give up.

I’m just getting started. I might face some difficulties but I need to keep going and hope for the best.

I believe it’s me who has the power to choose my perspective. I choose the optimistic perspective. It may or may not turn out well, but its much better than having pessimist attitude and giving up.

By looking at the bright side I will at least get the motivation to keep going. Which I need the most right now.

And who knows…
Some problems are a blessing in disguise! 😉

You are blessed honey!

With love,
Me

One simple thing you can do right now to improve your life

Believe it or not, the company you keep matters. A lot.

If you’re constantly surrounded by pessimistic people, guess what, after a while even you start imitating them. This happens, unless you try very very hard to stay optimistic because negative behaviours can be learnt quickly.

There’s this concept of mirroring in psychology.

Where you learn or imitate the behaviour of people around you knowingly or unknowingly.

How can you use this to your advantage?

Well, it’s simple!

Be in company of people who inspire you, who support your growth and who guide you in the right direction, who trust you and bring out the best in you.

Now as they say –

You’re the average of five people you spend most of your time with

I’ll tell you which of the five people you should surround yourself with –

1. Be with people around whom you feel loved and valued.

This can be your parents, or your friends or your partner. Anyone with whom you feel loved and valued.

2. Be with someone who makes you laugh and enjoy little things. Someone who makes you smile and appreciates you.

This can be your sibling or your best friend.

3. Be with someone who trusts you and whom you can trust. No matter what, you know you guys have got each other’s back.

(Now speaking of these qualities, you might know at least one person with whom these qualities resonate. Someone who makes you smile, some other person whom you can trust completely, someone else who makes you feel loved, etc.)

4. Be with someone who inspires you and motivates you and brings out the best in you.

Okay so this person can be hard to find.

But let me tell you, it’s not necessary that these people should be someone you know personally or have met them. They can also be your role models.

Someone you look up to. Someone who you want to be like. Someone you deeply admire.

Now even if you surround yourself with the ideas, the principles, the values these people have implemented in their life, it works. You slowly start thinking like them, you try to imitate their principles in your own life.

And believe me, that improves your life!

Imagine you’re constantly watching everything about Oprah Winfrey, Swami Vivekananda, or Gary Vee (let’s say they are your role models) So you are watching many videos of them on YouTube, you’re watching their shows. You are reading about them, reading their books.

What will happen after some time?

Your thinking patterns will change, your attitude changes, your perception about things change, you start acting differently, you start growing.

5. Be with someone who can guide you in the right direction in difficult times.

This can be your “therapist” friend, a mentor or a actual therapist. Someone who helps you gain clarity about situations and helps you take the right decision.

I don’t know how many people will agree with me, but I’ve found books to guide me as well. Self help books and even some fantasy novels have great messages. I could relate to those characters and understand their life.

These people help you understand certain things, especially when you need it the most.

Be careful about whom you choose as this person because when you are sad, depressed or angry, it’s very easy for a wrong person to drag you into a wrong behaviour.

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I have found this to work in my personal life.

The moment I started focusing on myself and setting healthy boundaries and surrounding myself with people who bring out the best in me, I’ve seen myself change in a very good way.

When I started reading more about inspiring people, gathering more information about them and started applying their tips for success, I felt great!

I felt like I’m learning from them and slowly applying that in my own life and seeing the results.

I also started choosing whom to spend most of my time with and I found I was much happier and satisfied with my life than before.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to be picky and only choose the people whom you can benefit from, no! It’s good to have connection with different people, it’s nice to have them as your friends.

But, prioritise your time for those who really help you grow, who really matter. Because you have limited time.

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Moral of the story – The company you keep matters. Choose the right people and see the drastic and quick improvement in your life.

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Who are your role models? Do you “spend” more time with them? Do you feel the change in your mindset and actions?

Let me know in the comments below!!

Thank you for reading guys!❤️

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Keep shining, keep smiling! 🙂

©Vrunda Chauk 2019

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Note to self – 1 (Valuing Time)

Many a times there are situations when I realise I don’t have enough time to do something important. (That’s because I wasted the time I had doing unimportant things 😜)

When I realise I’ve been using my time for pleasure and ignoring the important tasks at hand, I realise –

Here’s a question I need to ask myself –

Am I using my time wisely?

Here’s what I’d like to tell myself :-

Dear self,

I need to be more careful about how I spend my time.

I will make sure in a day I have enough time to spend with my close ones and have enough time to complete my important work.

I choose to spend my leisure time resting (giving my body and mind ease) or pursuing a hobby.

I am making a list of important tasks to complete. I am setting deadlines for myself and keeping a record of my progress.

I know I will get everything done if I break it down into simple steps and follow them every day.

Wishing you a productive week ahead

– With love,

Me

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This is a new series that I’ve started. Where I’ll be sharing some Notes to Self according to different situations.

In psychology we’re taught that the self talk we have, how we talk with ourselves, the stories we tell ourselves matters a lot!

So this is my effort to have a healthy self talk and I really hope you guys find it useful.

Let me know your thoughts

Thank you for your visit!

Happy Sunday! 🙂

Writing a diary…

I’ve started writing a diary since the start of this month.

I always wondered, why do people keep diaries? Why to write you day in it? It won’t be of any use in future…

Recently, I came across a very beautiful article written on WordPress by a girl who kept writing a dairy since she was 7/8 years old. The way she told her experience and the beautiful way in which she conveyed the importance and need of writing a diary touched my heart.

Therefore I decided to write a diary and see what happens.

Also when I started, I was having emotional imbalance. I read it somewhere that writing about your emotions helps.

So that’s what pushed me to try this new ritual.

I’ve been writing for a month now and I realised that everything that girl mentioned in her blog was so true! And there are many other benefits as well.

I’d like to share them with you.

Here are few ways in which keeping a dairy helped me –

1. Improved my writing.

I feel it much easier to express my emotions through words now.

As I write about my daily life and what happened and how I felt, it also kinda improves my storytelling. Every day when you write a diary, you eventually try different and interesting ways to tell the incident.

It’s fun!

2. Reduced my overthinking.

When you are writing about something, you tend to analyse it. You cannot write the same stuff again and again. At some point (usually after 3-5 mins) you run out of negative thoughts to write.

That’s helpful. It helps you gain clarity on your thoughts. When your thoughts are on paper, it’s easy to analyse them and rule out the ones that really don’t make any sense.

But when these same thoughts continue to stay in your head, you get into downward spiral of overthinking.

3. I can enjoy good memories, any time! 🙂

Yes! When you’re writing about your good emotions, note the details of the situation and express yourself.

When you go through it the next week you will feel as if you’re living the experience once again.

You will feel grateful for those beautiful moments you had in your life.

4. I realised every day is new.

Now this might sound pretty obvious. But when you write diary you truly feel it. Every single day is unique, no matter how same your tedious chores are. There are many different things that happen every day.

I used to think how boring my life is, doing the same repetitive tasks again and again. But now I understand, there are many small, new elements you can include in your daily life to make it more interesting.

This might also remind you that every day is a fresh start and you have the ability to make it more beautiful.

5. Reduces stress –

When you are stressed or overwhelmed and there are so many thoughts in your mind that you find hard to control, writing them down can be helpful.

Once they are on paper, they do not bother you that much.

6. Makes it easy to reflect on yourself –

It gives you time and opportunity to think about yourself. About your feelings, about your growth, about your problems and about your happiness.

Life is short. It goes by quick. Between out hectic schedules it’s easy to miss out the little moments of happiness and growth. You need to hold on to those little moments and reflect on them. Pay attention to them. Live them.

7. It makes it super easy to track your progress –

You want to develop a habit. Or you want to read 500 pages of the novel this month.

All of these tasks need you to keep a track record of your progress.

How cool would it be to write that – You are following up on your habit or you are on your way to achieve your goal every day in your diary!

You’d feel proud and happy. Even when you are not able to keep up to your word, when you write about it, you feel the need to continue the behaviour in future.

So that’s how this “new” behaviour has now become my helpful habit.

You can try this out too guys!

What is your experience with writing a diary? Or starting a new habit?

Please share in the comments below!

I’d like to read! 🙂

Hope you all are having a fantastic week my friends!!

What’s next? Nah. I enjoy what’s now.

Everyone these days is waiting for something. Everyone is expecting something new, something different to happen.

We have gotten into the habit of asking ‘What’s next?’ , What’s the next big thing you want? What’s the next big thing you are waiting for?

It’s something like – when we’re children, we want to grow up. When we grow up, we want to become child again.

I mean we want some things to change, but when they do, we want to go back again.

This happens a lottt (hating your present and wishing it were different).

When you are single you wish you were engaged with someone, when you are, you again wish to be single.

When you are not earning you wish for the time you would, when the time comes, you wish to get out of it.

When you are in school you are excited about your college life. When you start going to college, you miss school.

When you are at home, you wish to step out and live on your own, when the time comes, you long for the warmth of your home.

Soo, instead of expecting something different – Why don’t we cherish our present moment?

If you do not enjoy a moment, you lose it forever. If you enjoy it, it is yours forever.

-Debasish Mridha

Don’t you think we should stop waiting for the next big thing and start enjoying our life moment to moment?

And when you start living the present moment, believe me you will find so many things that are beautiful right now. So much to appreciate. So much to notice. So much to feel.

As I write this – I’m at my home. There won’t be any lectures in college today. So am I waiting for the time when I’ll go to college and meet my friends? No. (i mean of course i want to meet them but i have decided to enjoy the present moment) When I’m at home I want to spend some time with my parents. I want to feel the moments when they are with me, we all are living together, I get to see them everyday. I want to notice the way they smile, I want to remember their voice when they say my name.

I want to enjoy time with my little sister. I want to make her laugh, I want to paint with her, play with her, sing and dance with her, watch her grow.

Because I know – This time won’t come back.

I choose to live it fully. I choose to feel the moments with my loved ones. I choose to stay in present.

Above all, we cannot afford not to live in the present. He is blessed over all mortals who loses no moment of the passing life in remembering the past.

– Henry David Thoreau

Look around you, everything that you see can change in a year.

Are there some people you want to spend more time with?

Are there some things you want to do for them?

Are there some plans you need to execute?

Are there any trips you want to plan?

Is there someone whom you want to remind of how loved he/she is?

Is there anything you need to do for yourself?

You better do it Right Now, because you haven’t seen tomorrow.

Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts.

– Pema Chodron

Even when you step into sunshine in winter. Close your eyes and feel it’s warmth. Feel that’s it’s 2019. This day will never come back. Open your eyes and notice the surroundings, do you find beauty? Smile at your friends and enjoy your time with them.

Many people are alive, but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.

– Thich Nath Hanh

There’s this beautiful poem I’d like to share –

Live In The Moment

Listen, feel, love completely;
Absorb, enjoy oh so sweetly.
Nothing exists but right now.
Show the world you know how.

Immersed, focused, involved;
Sad moments will be resolved
Just as joyous times go fast,
Sad’s shadow will lose its cast.

It’s but a moment all will live,
So leave an imprint that will give
Your signature on the past
So your moments now will last.

– Gregory Huyette

5 lessons psychology taught me and how can you apply them in your life

From all my psychology related posts you guys might have guessed that I’m a psychology student.

Learning psychology has enriched my life. There are so many things I came to realise about myself and others. It has helped me in my relationships with others and myself.

So today I want to share 5 such valuable lessons I learnt and how I applied them in my life and how can you do it too.

1. Everyone is unique – Psychology reminds this to you every second. Every single person is different.

“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.”

—Emma Stone

Human nature is very complex and unpredictable. Everyone is unique. Their perspectives are different, their thoughts and beliefs are different, their values are different, their mindset is different, their needs are different.

Understanding this made me more open-minded. I was able to accept different people from different backgrounds with different abilities.

I also learnt that it’s difficult to categorise people. They are always evolving and growing.

How you can apply this –

• Understand that people are different. Be okay with that. Don’t try to fit people into different categories.

• Don’t label people. (Especially – negative labels) Some might take it too seriously and live upto that label, some might prove you wrong in no time.

2. One thing doesn’t work for everyone –

Just do what works for you, because there will always be someone who thinks differently…

– Michelle Obama

From the first point, this seems obvious.

In psychology, while analysing disorders, you need to look at many different factors and even for the same disorders, different patients need different treatment.

I realised one thing doesn’t work for everyone and that I don’t need to expect what works for me, should work for others as well.

This kinda stopped me from giving advices and made me help my friends choose whatever works the best for them.

I started exploring different ways to reach a particular goal and found what worked the best for me.

How can you apply this –

• If someone cannot follow your advice, understand that this might not work for them. You might have the best intentions, but if someone cannot follow your advice, don’t dwell on that. Help them figure out what works for them.

• Don’t be so harsh on yourself. If you try really hard and it doesn’t happen, let go of that path. May be you need some other path to reach that particular goal.

3. If you have a good relationship with yourself, many things will fall into place – As they say, “You cannot pour from an empty cup, you gotta take care of yourself first”.

It starts with you.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

– Mark Twain

It matters how you look at yourself and what you think about yourself. As they say – The relationship you have with yourself, sets to tone for every other relationship you’ll have.

If you are kind to yourself, it will be much easier for you to be kind to others.

If you love yourself, it will be much easier to love others.

If you heal yourself, you will be able to support others in their healing.

You have to start with yourself because the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

How can you apply this –

• Learn to focus more attention on your growth and your healing.

• Understand yourself. Know yourself, be gentle with yourself and pay attention to your needs.

4. There are many different ways to look at things – Just accept this.

We don’t get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Only notes that are different can harmonize. The same is true with people.

– Steve Goodier

What is true for you, may not be necessarily true for someone else. We judge things based on our experience. Not necessary everyone had the same experience.

What is too good for you, may not be as good to your friend and that’s okay.

How you can apply this –

• Be open to different perspectives. Some things maybe true for you, but you also need to understand others. Be open to different ideas, concepts and thoughts and you will learn much more.

• When someone disagrees with you, be curious instead of critical. Try to understand their perspective. And whatever it is, be okay with that.

5. You have a choice –

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Viktor E. Frankl

YES, you have a choice. You are free to choose your response. You can control your reaction.

I get it, you cannot control what happens to you. But you can control how to react, and that is empowering.

When you choose how to react, you give the power to yourself. You are responsible for your reaction.

Have you noticed that there are some people who have been through really bad times but through their determination and dedication they achieved a lot of success.

And there are some people who give up early on themselves and think their actions don’t matter. They believe they are at the mercy of their situations and just hope things to get better.

How can you apply this –

• Sometimes you gotta look deep within yourself and understand what you need to do to improve your situation.

• Having a choice doesn’t mean you need to blame yourself for everything. Think about it in a empowering way – You get to choose your response! How wonderful is that!

It is true you have a choice, but be gentle with yourself while choosing something. You don’t need to beat yourself up for your wrong choices. If you’ve been through really hard time, be compassionate and kind to yourself and others.

You can say to yourself – ” I forgive myself for acting in such a way. I realise how painful it is to face the consequences now. I am learning from my mistakes and would never repeat them in future. I have faith in myself that I have what it takes to achieve that goal. I won’t choose to quit. I will try better next time. ”

What is your take on this? Have you experienced these statements to be true as well? I’d like to hear your experiences please share them in the comments below.

Also let me know if you’d like to read a part 2 of this.

Thank you for your time! Hope you enjoyed the blogpost! 🙂