How can you start a chain of positivity?

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

– William James

Some people think appreciation will make people prouder and they won’t be as efficient as they are now.

Are you one of those people?

Well, I understand you must’ve based your thoughts on previous experiences.

Maybe some people do show off and get too proud when you praise them.

But what if they do amazing job, every day and no one appreciates them?

How would they feel?

Will they continue being so efficient?

I don’t think so.

You see, being appreciated or valued is a basic human need.

It says – I recognise you are working hard. I appreciate your dedication. You helped me with xyz when I needed it the most. I value you. Your help meant so much to me, I am grateful for your support.

Imagine someone says this to you

How’d you feel?

Warm fuzzy feelings of joy? Happiness? Awe maybe…

Or you could also get uncomfortable and not know how to react

Okay maybe you need to practice being comfortable and responding with kindness when someone appreciates you

But even if you get uncomfortable,maybe deep down you still want to be recognised. You want to be valued and appreciated for your efforts.

When someone says “thank you for doing this for me,I really appreciate that” you might think.. “well.. that’s okay… we’ve been friends for like 6 years and so of course I’d do this for you”

True

But does hearing “thank you” not put you in a happy mood?

Aren’t you more likely to pay the positivity forward and help two other people that day?

Because you got rewarded for you behaviour (in a way)

So yes!

That’s pretty much it.

Genuinely appreciating people makes their day! They are more likely to cherish the feeling and pay it forward.

That’s why you need to appreciate people for what they’ve done for you or even if you see them working hard or notice something good about them. Few kind words can go a long way.

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Scientists studied different gratitude interventions to find out which one was more effective –

The gratitude visit was found to be most effective.

Okay so what do you do in this?

You simply write a gratitude letter to someone whom you haven’t properly thanked before. Someone who has really helped you during your hard times or done so much for you but you somehow couldn’t properly thank them. (Yes, it’s the person you’re think about right now)

So you write the letter and you go to their home and personally deliver this. You read out the letter to them.

Research has found that this practice also has significant impact on their relationship. Even after 6 months of giving the letter.

Hmm. Impressive.

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Okay so this is kind of a funfact

There are two meanings of the word appreciate

First is – To recognise how good someone or something is and to value that particular person or thing.

And second is – to increase in value. (it’s the opposite of depreciate. Which means to decrease)

Sounds logical huh?

That when you appreciate something in someone that behaviour or emotion increases.

Even complimenting someone is appreciating them.

Which of the following compliments would you like to hear?

A. Hey nice dress!

B. Good job!

C. Hey! I really liked your presentation. They way you explained xyz was commendable. The concept of abc that you stated was wonderful! I didn’t knew about it before. I can see you worked really hard on your presentation.

Okay so this is a objective question.

Maybe not everyone will have the same answer.

But mostly everyone likes the option C.

I mean it’s much better when you exactly state what you liked and genuinely appreciate.

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Okay so that’s all for now. I can go on and on about this topic. But I need to stop.

I hope you found this article helpful 🙂

Lemme know are your thoughts on the subject?

Quiz time (answers)

1. Which of the following characteristics grateful people tend to exhibit?

A. Boastful

B. Mean

C. Too proud

D. Helpful and empathetic

Right answer – D. HELPFUL AND EMPATHETIC.

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2. In which of the following situations expressing gratitude will be helpful?

A. When you are coping with stress or trauma

B. When you have to build social bonds

C. When you want to savour life experiences

D. All of the above

Right answer – D. ALL OF THE ABOVE

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3. State weather following statements are true or false.

A. Expressing gratitude tends to reduce the invidious comparisons with others. TRUE (you can’t compare when you’re actually grateful for what you have! When you experience gratitude towards something, you will cherish it’s importance and are less likely to compare)

B. Expressing gratitude can actually make negative emotions deter. TRUE (gratitude is a positive emotion. It’s actually found in research that gratitude in fact can diminish feelings such as anger, bitterness and greed)

C. If you express gratitude, you may not take things for granted. TRUE (when you express gratitude and appreciate things, you are less likely to take things for granted)

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4. “Being a optimistic” means

A. Looking at the bright side in every situation

B. Being happy all the time

C. Talking about imaginary stuff with no logic

D. None of the above

Right Answer – A. LOOKING AT THE BRIGHT SIDE IN EVERY SITUATION (but optimism is also more than that. It’s about how you interpret causes of certain events. Optimists generally see causes of negative events as external)

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5. Fill in the blank

Optimism is about considering problems as temporary and _________ causes.

Right answer – external

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6. True or false

Optimism keeps us from making any real process

Right answer – FALSE (optimism motivates us to take initiative. And research has found that optimists don’t easily give up)

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7. Fill in the blank

Optimism is not just about thoughts like ‘I will get there’ but about _________.

Right answer – exactly how can I do it

(optimism is not wishful thinking)

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Guys I hope you enjoyed this quiz. It’s just a fun way to learn more about positive psychology. I hope you all liked it.

Any comments, feedback is always welcome! 🙂

Let me know if you’d like to have more such quizzes in future.

Take care friends!! Stay safe❤️

Why is positive psychology important for you?

For many years psychologists were interested in abnormal behaviour and mental disorders. That’s why today for many people psychology seems to be equivalent to Abnormal Psychology.
But the field of psychology is much vast than this.

Psychologists now are interested in what consists in a “good life”? What makes our life meaningful? How can we achieve wellbeing? What makes us happy?

This gave birth to positive psychology in 1998.
Now the word “positive” doesn’t mean that this is the only branch of psychology that is important and others are insignificant or “negative”

Actually, positive psychology and abnormal psychology both work hand in hand to make human life better.

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How’d your life be without any doctors in town? Just your friends and family to make you happy.. will you really be happy? What if you get some illness? You need doctors for that.

In the same way Abnormal Psychology helps us by treating mental illness. And positive psychology helps us to enhance our happiness.
Both are necessary for overall well-being of mankind.
One helps us by reducing mental illness and other helps us by strengthening mental health.

Do you sometimes feel like you’re not really happy with your life? There’s nothing really bad happening to you.. but still, you don’t feel like you’re not living your life to the fullest.

The absence of negative doesn’t mean the presence of positive. That’s where positive psychology comes in. It helps you live a balanced and happy life. It deals with questions like – what makes you happy? What leads to wellbeing? What are the characteristics of happy couples? How can you be successful and happy? How can you enhance positive emotions in your life?
It deals with concepts like – gratitude, compassion, kindness, altruism, happiness, wellbeing, mindfulness, resilience, hope, savouring, grit, etc.

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We understand that talking rudely with someone constantly will damage our relationship with the other person. Does this mean that simply not talking rudely with someone will strengthen our relationship with other person?

Good behaviours are not simply the opposite of bad behaviours.
To strengthen your relationship with someone you might need to appreciate that person, spend quality time together, be kind to one another and make eachother laugh.

Sometimes people wonder what does their relationship lack when there are not really any conflicts happening. Most of the times it’s the absence of positive behaviours which strengthen the relationship.

That’s how positive psychology helps you. And this is why you need to understand what behaviours you need to practice for a happy and meaningful life.

Magic of gratitude

Okay so now I’m going to brainwash you into practicing gratitude.

Don’t worry it’s going to benefit you in manyyyyy ways.

So what is gratitude?

Must have heard “attitude of gratitude” saying.. but let’s not get into such meme related stuff here. Let’s get real for a while

Gratitude is a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness and appreciation for life

– Robert Emmons

Aha! This quote really touched my heart

So it’s a feeling of thankfulness about – the ice cream you ate today.. the treat your friend gave you last week… Well yeah.. something like that.

So now… You must be thinking hell yeah! I know that but I ain’t gonna say thank you for everything.

Seriously?

Lemme tell you the benefits –

Research has found that grateful people are more happier 😊 and energetic 😍 and hopeful 😀 than those who aren’t so grateful.

Plus…

They are more helpful and empathic

More forgiving

Anddd

Less materialistic!

Sounds great?

And also for all the fitness freaks out there –

Practicing gratitude is also linked to physical health.

Well… That doesn’t mean you’re going to get six packs in six weeks of practicing gratitude. 🙄

It just means your immunity will improve. You’ll think good thoughts and maybe feel more energetic in gym.

In her book ‘How of happiness’ Sonja Lyubomirsky explains 8 ways in which gratitude helps you.

8 super awesome ways gratitude helps you!

1. Grateful thinking promotes the savouring of positive life experiences

Here’s how I remember it –

Eat your icecream before it melts..

Enjoy the moment before it’s over. Be grateful and enjoy the present time before it’s gone.

Enjoy your college years before going for a job and reflecting back on college days and thinking “those were the days…..”

2. Expressing gratitude bolsters self worth and self esteem

Now imagine a very common situation –

You are late for a party.

You’ll probably say – “Sorry for being late guys… There was traffic” (or whatever lame excuse you come up with)

And they’ll probably ignore you… And you might end up feeling bad about yourself

Now what if you say –

“Thank you so much guys for waiting for me! I am so glad that you all are my friends”

Guess what would happen?

They won’t feel that bad about it… Anddd… Even you’ll feel better… Soooo much better! (I am so glad you are my friends…..🤗)

Boom! Shift in focus..

You feel better about yourself and others after expressing gratitude

3. Gratitude helps people cope with stress and trauma

Yeah… It does!

It’s challenging to express gratitude when you’re stressed or depressed. But like every other medicine you have to take this sour medicine to get better (I mean feel better)

In this period.. you may not have big things to be grateful for.. but it’s the little things that count. You could be grateful you had healthy food today or your friend came to talk to you or something like that.

But feel the gratitude. Say it out loud.

4. Expression of gratitude encourages moral behaviour.

You’re more likely to help others when you feel grateful.

Here’s the thing – when you are aware about your own blessings you want to be that blessing for someone else.

When everything is going good in your life, you are more likely to help others. It’s like when your cup is full, it overflows.

So if you want to help others, start by feeling more grateful about your own situation. It helps, trust me!

And when you help others it gives a more positive boost about yourself.

5. Gratitude can help build social bonds, strengthening existing relationships and nourishing new ones.

When you constantly realise how blessed you are to have this person in your life…

You treat them better! Even they treat you better!

Oh I’m so blessed to have you in my life honey… I really appreciate you doing the dishes yesterday and even though you were tired… You talked with me for a while and asked me about my day before going to bed… It’s these little things that make me so happy!

I feel the same darling. I remember the time when my mom was in hospital and you spent a week there taking care of her. She was so happy to have you there.. I will always remember the good things you’ve done for me and my family, this is nothing compared to that..

After reading this how many of you went “awwww”

Yeah! That’s how it gets.

Genuine appreciation has a wonderful impact. It kinda creates a “positive feedback loop” where both parties express their gratitude and feel awesome! For the rest of the week…

If you constantly remind yourself of the good things other person has done to you it might get hard to even get angry at them or when you do, it’s resolved quickly coz you know there’s more to this person than just this one incident.

So gratitude also helps in relationships! ❤️

6. Expressing gratitude tends to inhibit invidious comparison with others.

I am going for a vacation in Bahamas! Yay! I’m so excited for it… Where are you going?

For this vacation I’m going to visit my family after a year! Due to work and being in different country I cannot visit them that often. I’m so blessed to spend this vacation with them! I can’t wait to see my little sister and play some pranks with her… Haha..

Did person 2 feel jealous?

No!

Because she appreciates what she has. Did she compare? Nah! I don’t think so…

That’s what feeling of gratitude does.. it helps you appreciate what you have and makes you less materialistic.

7. Practice of gratitude is incompatible with negative emotions and may actually dimnish or deter such feelings as anger, bitterness and greed.

Can you feel angry and happy at the same time?

You can’t! No one can…

Some bittersweet feelings are there… But not really

If you thank someone for helping you, (genuinely) they are more likely to do that in future. Not just to you, but to others as well. It’s like creating a positive ripple. Everyone is benefited.

Do you feel guilty sometimes receiving help?

You won’t when you thank them from the bottom of your heart. You’ll realise you’re surrounded by kind people and they’ll feel happy as they are the kind ones.

Win-win situation for both parties!

8. Gratitude helps us thwart hedonic adaptation.

Do you remember the excitement you feel when you get something you always wanted…. And after few days… You don’t feel that happy about the thing.

For example – You always wanted to try the donuts of that new donut shop. Suddenly they open a branch next to your house. You feel sooo happy, you eat their donuts straight for 2 weeks.

Would you feel like going to that shop again? Will the excitement be the same?

Noooooo

(don’t lie.. it won’t)

Sooo… Here’s what you can do

When you go there next time, order a donut and feel grateful for the opportunity to eat it. Like… Wow… This is so yummm…. *Takes a bite… Wowww… I’ve never tasted anything like this….. It’s soo good!!!!

Just don’t say this loudly or you may never be allowed to enter the shop again!😂

But you get the point right?!

Hedonic adaptation is the way you adapt to new changes quickly and it doesn’t feel so interesting afterwards

So gratitude comes to your rescue even here!

See… I told you I’m gonna brainwash you into practicing gratitude.

So tell me… Was I successful in my mission? 😁

And lastly….

What’s good?

Pause. Stop criticising for a while. Stop ruminating about how bad you are doing. Stop overthinking about the situation.

Just ask yourself

What’s good?

We hardly take time to see what are the good things that are happening with us.

No really, ask yourself What’s good that happened today?

What’s good that happened last week?

What’s good that is happening right now?

Maybe it’s the great family dinner you had last week, maybe it’s your favorite dish your mom cooked for you yesterday, maybe it’s sharing quality time with your best friend today.

Talk about these things!

Notice them.

Appreciate that.

Share your happy memories 💕

The best way to multiply your happiness, is to share it with others.

Next time when you meet someone don’t ask them how they are doing and how was their day… Ask them – What’s good?