Taking responsibility

Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Victor Frankl

When you say you are responsible for your actions-

Someone would be like.. “oh! so now you’re blaming me for everything?!”

And someone would be like..

“that’s empowering! So it means that no matter what happens to me, I can still choose to react the way I want… Hmmm… Maybe I’ll try to react better next time and see if the situation gets better”

Choose the response that feels right for you.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Maybe we could also reframe that as –

With great responsibility comes great power!

This is true too!

There are 6 pillars of self esteem. (according to Nathaniel Brandon.)

One of those is “self responsibility”. It means when you take responsibility for you actions and your life, you report high self esteem.

What does it actually mean to take responsibility?

It means to not blame others for your misfortune and getting up, dusting off and improving things for yourself.

This is not always easy, I get it. But please understand it’s also liberating.

When you go through a breakup, you feel sad and isolated. We can’t numb feelings, allow yourself to feel that. Don’t blame him/her. Just accept what happened. (Okay maybe go through the stage of blaming, but don’t be stuck there. Move ahead.)

After a period of time when you are feeling a little better or things start to seem a little easier, take control of your life.

Do the things you can to get better. Emotionally and mentally.

Remember no one is going to do that for you. No one is coming to save you. And also remember that You yourself can and should save you.

We are each responsible for our own life. If you are holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you are wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive. Begin noticing how each day brings a new opportunity for your growth. Pay attention. Every choice gives you a chance to pave your own road. Keep moving. Full speed ahead.

– Oprah Winfrey

When I am mindful

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice the beauty of graffiti wall
that I pass by everyday

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice that something is not right
with my best friend and maybe she needs more of my care

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I talk to my grandma and notice the happiness
in her voice when she talks about certain things

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise my dad shows love through actions
even if he fails to express in words

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I understand the care and effort
of my mother to raise me in a proper way

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise that tough times don’t last
and things do get better day by day

I realise that in fact, there aren’t as many bad things in my life as it seems

I realise that there is more kindness in the world and it multiplies when we give ♥️

© Vrunda Chauk

Quotes-Notes

Best thing about him?

He helps me believe in myself


There’s nothing like having a supportive and understanding partner.. is there?

The One

I miss you. I haven’t met you yet but I miss you. Sometimes I wonder where can I find you – online? In the local cafe? In shopping mall? Or on a random street? Or through a friend? Possibilities are endless…

I don’t want you to complete me or to fill in my loneliness void. No, I don’t even want you to make me happy…. I have realised I can do all these things by myself. And believe me I am doing all this as good as I can… But sometimes…. I need you. Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

I see those happy couples on insta and when I read their captions I can literally feel their love for each other. That makes me wonder when will I get to love someone like this… When will someone love me like this… Is it wrong to admit that I need love?

Yesterday I was listening to a romantic song. The lyrics felt like you are speaking to me and I’m calling out to you… Sometimes it feels like you are here somewhere.. talking to me through songs and stories.. but why can’t I see you yet?

Love is something that can’t be rushed, they say. But I am done waiting. And you know I’m impatient as hell..

I don’t think you’ll be perfect in every way… But you’ll be right for me and that’s what matters… I am not the type of girl who believes in fairy tales and happy endings… But I know I can have someone whom I can live happily with. Someone who can support my growth and nourish me with love.

Will you meet me soon?


Don’t we all feel like this at times?

Best possible selves

How many of the following statements you agree with?

1. I know all the things that are wrong in life

2. I spend too much time thinking about things that don’t go right

3. I don’t know what I really want in my life

4. Life no longer feels good, it’s all bad things happening around me

If you can relate to at least 2 of these statements keep reading. Here’s something you can do..


Why don’t we think about good things that can happen in future?

Because we don’t want good to happen in future…?

Nah! That’s rubbish

So why not?

Maybe we have this fear that if we visualise everything good happening to us… We’ll be disheartened when it doesn’t happen.

Well yeah… Maybe

But then what to we do?

We spend so much time thinking about all that’s not going well in our life.

But do we ever ask ourselves what if this negative doesn’t happen? What if it’s not so intense? What if you realise that you’ve spent all my life thinking about things that could go wrong and it never happened?

Wouldn’t that be a wastage of your time and energy?


Thinking positively about your future and your present or being optimistic, can have lots of benefits in the long run.

Imagine this. Rohan works in a bank. Though he never wanted to work in a bank, he dreamt of being a comic artist. He’s really good at making comics. He makes lots of funny, interesting comics. But he never sells them or shows them to anyone. Why? Because he’s pessimistic about his art. He thinks his profession cannot be changed now, that’s his destiny. He has to accept it.

What would have you done, if you were Rohan?

You’d have started your own Instagram page.. doing this “side hustle” thing. Creating videos on YouTube about making comics or sending your comics to magzines and all?

Why would you do that?

Because you believe there’s something better out there. Because you are “optimistic” about your future. Because you think you deserve what you dream of.

That’s why optimism is necessary. When you are optimistic about something and you think this can be done, you invest even more into that thing. You don’t easily give up.

Optimism motivates you to work hard.

Optimistic thinking enhances happiness. You feel good about yourself and your future. That affects your overall wellbeing.

If you have something to look forward to, you will feel energised, motivated, enthusiastic.

You will feel good about yourself and feel able to control your destiny

– Sonja Lyubomirsky

Well, all this seems like common sense right?

So here’s how you can apply this common sense in your daily life –

In this activity you have to write about how will your life look like 3/5 years from now.

“Imagine yourself in future, everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all your life goals. Think of this as a realisation of your life dreams and your best potential”

These were the instructions given by Sonja Lyubomirsky to the participants who did this “best possible selves” activity. This wonderful activity was designed by Laura King – Professor at University of Missouri-Columbia.

If you think it’s all about “wishful thinking” or fantasizing your dream life, then hello, let me clear that.

No, it’s not about daydreaming or anything. You have to also find ways of how you can achieve that dream life. Think about what you are doing right now or what you can do to achieve your goals.

What are the benefits?

– For starters you’ll be clear about what you exactly want in your life. Think about it – how many of you have clear idea about how you want your life to look like in 3 years? And what are you doing about it now?

As I said you’ll find answer to these questions.

– Then, you will end up feeling a sense of autonomy about your future. And also a sense of responsibility, to make these dreams come true.

– If you do this activity once a week for 3 months or so, your happiness levels will gradually increase.

When you think about good stuff and most importantly write about good stuff, you tend to feel more motivated, dedicated towards your goal.


If you identify yourself as a pessimist or want to feel more motivated and inspired towards your goals… What are you waiting for? Grab a pen and paper and do this activity!

And don’t forget to tell me how it goes! 😉


Stay happy, stay blessed! ♡

Do you believe when people show you their real self?

When people show you who they really are, believe them the first time.

– Maya Angelo

Wow. What a quote! It might not strike as a significant one in first glance or might seem like really obvious.

But there is a deep meaning to it.

Do we really pay attention when people show us who they really are?

Do we really pay attention to all the cues? To the intuitions that we get when we meet someone?

Many a times we don’t pay attention. Thinking “everyone is actually good”

But no. Some people are not. In fact they can be so poisonous that you end up regretting every single moment with them. You end up regretting not listening to your intuition. You end up regretting not believing them when they showed you who they truly are.

Let’s say you are really attracted to this guy. You get in relationship with him. You both like each other and everything is going well. But on the first date he tells you, he doesn’t like other guys staring at you. You brush it off as him being protective and continue the relationship. Then one day he sees you smiling at your cell phone screen and asks you who are you talking to, you say it’s your friend at work. And he just snatches the phone out of your hand and asks you to show him your chats. You explain that you’re not cheating on him and that you are just his friend. He is stubborn. So you give in. You show him your phone and he clears his doubts and he gives you phone back with a warning to stay away from guys. You feel really weird and get a intuition that you should get away from him. But you ignore that, because you love him. Then after a few months your colleague drops you off at night in his car after a office party. When he comes to know this, he takes out all his anger on you. He beats you, tells you why didn’t you listen when he warned you the first time……

That’s right…

He gave you hint

He showed you in little ways who he really was…

You failed to listen

I am of course not blaming you or any person who goes through this, I just want to warn you people to pay attention. Notice the details.

Not everything might be serious. They might say some things as a joke. Like real fun.

But notice the patters… They really are something.

We don’t observe because we are under illusion that this person is nice… Because we’re attracted to them.

Don’t decide anything

Let them show you how they are…

Nice,kind,arrogant,moody,impulsive, let them show you. Through their actions.

When someone tells you they are impulsive, stubborn, they don’t like certain things, they behave in certain way, believe them! (Also the actions) They know more about themselves than you do.

When you don’t listen to your intuition, its whisper gets louder and louder until you are forced to deal with the situation.

I have been through this. I had to pay the price of not paying attention when people showed me their real self.

You get to choose people you spend time with. Make the best possible use of that choice and only choose the people who are good for you emotionally, mentally, spirituality.


These are two wonderful podcasts episodes about this from Supersoul Conversations hosted by Oparh.

Best life-saving lessons

Best relationship advice

.

I am scared of you making me happy. I am afraid that in such short time that you are making me so happy, I’ll get used to it. That eventually I’ll stop making myself happy. I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I was so used to your pampering, your care, your love, that you somehow became so important to me that now when you are not here, I can’t do anything on my own. I can’t be happy. I know you won’t stay. At least not forever. When you are gone how will I get over from receiving so much of love and attention to absolutely nothing?

Maybe what they say is true. Maybe I don’t need to give so quickly. Maybe I need to stop loving passionately. But I don’t know how to love without passion. So maybe I shouldn’t love you. Maybe I need to be careful with you, but sometimes I can’t.

Yes, I need breaks from you. To remind myself that I have a different life. To remind myself that you won’t stay forever. To nourish the relationship I have with myself. To realise I am happy even without you.

What’s good?

Pause. Stop criticising for a while. Stop ruminating about how bad you are doing. Stop overthinking about the situation.

Just ask yourself

What’s good?

We hardly take time to see what are the good things that are happening with us.

No really, ask yourself What’s good that happened today?

What’s good that happened last week?

What’s good that is happening right now?

Maybe it’s the great family dinner you had last week, maybe it’s your favorite dish your mom cooked for you yesterday, maybe it’s sharing quality time with your best friend today.

Talk about these things!

Notice them.

Appreciate that.

Share your happy memories 💕

The best way to multiply your happiness, is to share it with others.

Next time when you meet someone don’t ask them how they are doing and how was their day… Ask them – What’s good?

May I be kind to myself

When I talk to myself,
May I be kind
For I know that the kindness I plant in my heart,
Determines the way I’ll go

May I be kind to myself
When I make a mistake,
When I am hurt,
When things go wrong

May I be kind to myself
And validate my pain
Say “this hurts”
And remind myself
I am not the only one,
Suffering is a part of life

May I be kind to myself,
Place a hand on my heart
And say
“Keep going, brave one
For this too shall pass”

© Vrunda Chauk

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