He was online.
I texted “hey”
One minute.
Two minutes.
Three minutes.
Four minutes.
Five minutes.
No reply.
Still online.
What was he doing?
He’s my boyfriend, is he talking to some other girl?
Maybe he’s busy.
So busy that he can’t even reply after 5 whole minutes?
Oh! He saw the message
Close his chat
Okay he’s typing
“Hi”
What? Just hi?
No apology? Sorry or anything?
He thinks I’m free?
Is he taking me for granted?
Hmm
I shouldn’t see his message soon.
I’ll make him wait.
5 mins?
10 mins?
Oh wait! He’s offline
What the hell?
He should wait for me
Why should I wait for him again?
This was the conversation going on in my mind.
Yesterday when my partner texted me a little late, all these things came to my mind.
I had this strange urge to take revenge. Not something big and scary but treating him the way he treated me. (Tbh it wasn’t his fault)
Doesn’t this happen to us?
Someone, especially our partner does something small and we get maddd. (coz we have such high expectations from them)
We don’t bother to ask what was the reason.
Our immediate impulse reaction is to take revenge. Do the same thing to them.
How silly and stupid that sounds?!
I mean this type of behavior is encouraged so much these days due to media. People making issue about little things that don’t even matter. But we make issue of everything.
Just because we want to feel important.
We want to satisfy our ego.
But is it really that important?
Even at the cost of your relationship?
Few days back I read a book by Deepak Chopra, it’s called “The Ultimate Happiness Prescription”.
Here’s a paragraph from this I could completely relate to –
1. Ego feels isolated and alone. Therefore it needs outside validation in order to belong and have worth.
2. The ego feels limited and bounded. Without power and control over others, it fears that it’s helplessness will be exposed.
And in the same book I read following quotes –
The conditions that make ego happy turn out to make who you really are very unhappy. There is no joy in being in charge, no love in controlling others, no expansion in defending the line between right and wrong.
– Deepak Chopra
.
Sometimes love is blocked by the need to be right,to cling to your own viewpoint instead of surrendering to what love would do.
– Deepak Chopra
After remembering this I let go of my anger and replied to him.
He was actually checking some important notice on WhatsApp and reading it to his parents.
I realised I was wrong and thought too much.
I won’t lie sometimes I do get desparate and want to know what’s going on, I do have these negative thoughts. But I don’t act on those anymore.
I try to stay patient and things become clear eventually.
When we try to satisfy ego, we might loose what really matters to us – people.
Vrunda Chauk 
Leave a Reply