12 Quotes that will support you in your healing process.

If there’s something I’m proud of doing in 2018, it’s that I was able to heal myself.

Here are some quotes that supported me in my healing process and I hope this will help you go through it with more awareness and kindness –

When you walk away from the source of pain, you start healing.

– Najwa Zebian

Honestly, this should be the first step. The more you distance yourself from the source of pain, the more you can focus on yourself, your pain, your healing.

She’s an explorer, unafraid to travel within her heart and mind, ready to discover new spaces to heal – releasing burdens to planting wisdom wherever her awareness takes her.

– Yung Pueblo

When you start healing, you understand that you need to let go, let go of the thought patterns and behaviours that don’t serve you. You have to keep faith that the only YOU know what’s best for you. The knowledge or wisdom you are seeking is deep down in your heart. You have to listen to it and be gentle with yourself.

She once believed that the damage to her mind and heart was permanent, until she met wisdom, who taught her that no pain or wound is eternal, that all can be healed and that love can grow even in the toughest parts or her being.

– Yung Pueblo

Keep faith and keep going.

Perhaps it’s time to stop being so hard on your heart. Can’t you see she’s doing the best she can to stay standing against all that’s cold and harsh and hurtful in the world?

Forgive her for beating so fast. She’s just trying to keep up.

Hold her gently. Remind her to exhale. Let her rest today.

– Rebecca Ray

This will be much much easier if you are kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing better. Forgive yourself for not doing better. Be gentle and kind with yourself.

You know these things that you need to hear sometimes?

Like you’re doing great and this is tough but you can do it and you are totally, absolutely enough?

You’re allowed to say those things to yourself.

– Rebecca Ray

If there’s something I wish I knew in my teenage its how to practice self compassion.

Now that I know how to be kind to myself, I realise the importance of it and the wonders that can happen if you are just kind to yourself.

I literally wrote down what I wanted to hear at that moment and said that to myself. Kindly. Gently. It made me feel much better.

Her rebirth was stunning. She lifted herself from the depths of despair, grasped her dreams, embedded them in her heart and walked forward into a future only her will and vision could control.

– Yung Pueblo

Reading this gave me strength I needed. The thought that I have my dreams, my passion, something to look forward to, made me more willing to let go of the pain and arose a strong desire to move forward.

Hope is not a fool.

She doesn’t promise you it won’t hurt. Or that it will be easy. She doesn’t even tell you the way.

But she does remind you that it matters. And as long as you’re seeking, Hope is listening.

– Rebecca Ray

Hope…. When you feel anything but hopeful, you should have hope?

As ironical as it might sound, you have to believe you will get through this to actually go through. It’s not possible to be hopeful 24×7, but when you feel like quitting, just remind yourself that this struggle will end, hopefully much sooner than you think.

Healing yourself will ask more of you –

More rest

More self love

More letting go

More time for learning

More space for transformation

More honesty about how you feel

More time developing good habits

More courage to try new practices

More time cultivating your inner peace

More faith in yourself and the process.

– Yung Pueblo

He said it best.

Remember that you are a work in progress. You are not perfect. You are not expected to be. Do not allow the fear of falling to stop you from jumping. Do not allow the fear of responsibility to stop you from committing. Do not allow the fear of exposure to stop you from shining.

– Najwa Zebian

You are not perfect and that’s okay. Do not burden yourself with unrealistic standards of perfection to achieve.

Don’t loose hope.

Someone, somewhere is looking for the exact same love that you have to offer. The exact same love that the one who hurt you did not appreciate. Don’t loose hope. And don’t settle.

The most beautiful love stories are those that come after you realise what you deserve and you actually finally get it.

You deserve someone who loves your way of love. Someone who loves you.

– Najwa Zebian

This gives you a relief. That everything is going to be okay. There’s nothing wrong with your love, nothing wrong with you.

Things I know about healing –

1. You get to set the pace, no one else.

2. You get to define what growth looks like for you.

3. You get to start over as many time as it takes.

– Rebecca Ray

Remember it’s your healing. It’s for you. You know better. It’s okay even if your healing doesn’t look like someone else’s.

And remember.. you are NOT alone in this. It might seem never ending storm, but you are not alone. Share your struggles with your family or close friend or a therapist.

Someone who listens to you patiently, doesn’t criticise you and lets you know you are not alone in this. Someone who supports and encourages you.

Seek help whenever you need.

It hurt. And she carried on.

It failed. And she carried on.

It broke. And she carried on.

She carried on. And it passed.

She carried on. And it changed.

She carried on. And it was beautiful.

– Rebecca Ray

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10 quotes you need to stop sharing and start applying in 2k19

This is the time of ‘New year New me’ phase.

Many of you might’ve made your new year resolutions. Along with them, here are some gentle reminders that you need to apply in 2k19.

1. Self love –

Remember at no time, under no circumstances is self hate healthier than self love.

Even if you behaved in a way that you dislike, loathing yourself will only lead to immobilisation and damage. Instead of hating yourself, develop positive feelings. Learn from the error and resolve not to repeat it, but don’t associate it with your self worth.

– Wayne Dyer

Remember –

• It’s okay to make mistakes. You’re not the only one. Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them. But please! Don’t associate your mistakes with your worth.

Mistakes are just a part of learning process. But your worth.. it’s something much more important.

• Be kind and gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing better, for not doing better.

Progress happenes when you truly understand and accept what you need to do. It doesn’t happen when you beat yourself up for making the wrong decisions.

At no time, under no circumstances is self hate healthier than self love.

2. Express your love, spread love.

There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occurs then you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world and be bold in who and how you love. There is courage in that.

– Bianca Sparacino

Remember –

• When you see beauty in someone, tell them. You see, we are for a limited time in this world. So why not share our light while we’re here? Why not touch a heart with our loving words? Why not lift someone’s spirit with our kindness?

Let’s make a resolution that we will tell people how much they mean to us, how much we love them and value them.

• Take a moment to imagine how would your life be, without these people around you. Express your love and gratitude often. It strengthens the relationship.

3. Take care of yourself

Sometimes unconditional love is not about accepting the person regardless any circumstance. Sometimes it’s about looking deeply in a situation and recognising that in staying with someone that’s actually hurting us, we are hurting the other person and well.

Because in our ‘unconditional’ acceptance, we are allowing the other person to believe that their behaviour is acceptable. And this prevents them from growing. Impeding someone’s growth is not love, knowing when to let go is.

– Raz Soos

Remember –

• You belong to yourself first. Don’t choose to continue a toxic relationship just because you need to prove your “unconditional” love. Understand that you need to let go of toxic relationships that no longer serve you. Relationships are meant to support you and provide a good environment for your growth. If that’s not happening you have to let go. For yourself, for your peace.

4. You are allowed to change –

Our identity is like a kaleidoscope. With each turn, we reset it not to a former final state, but to a new one that reflects the here-and-now positions of the pieces we have to work with. The design is always new because the shifts are continual. That is what makes kaleidoscopes and us so appealing and beautiful.

– David Richo

Remember –

• You have to let go of some patterns of thought, some behaviours that no longer serve you. You are under no obligation to be the same person you were past year. Growth and change are important as they help you adjust to the new environment.

• Analyse yourself. Are you too scared to change? You get this life once, so just make it your masterpiece! Imagine the best possible version of yourself. Imagine best possible version of yourself for you! Don’t let others expectations affect this. Be YOU.

Once you know that, take small steps persistently in that direction.

It’s beautiful to grow and adapt to new surroundings.

Change as many times and you need to! 🙂

5. Be gentle with yourself –

For some reason we are truly convinced that if we criticize ourselves, the criticism will lead to change. If we are harsh, we believe we end up being kind. If we shame ourselves, we believe we end up being loving to ourselves. It has never been true, not for a moment that shame leads to love. Only love leads to love.

– Geneen Roth

Remember –

• Have you ever seen long lasting improvement in your behaviour after critising yourself?

Imagine yourself as a kid, would you like it when your parents scold you and criticise you for your mistakes OR would you like it when they told you gently about what are the consequences of your action and why shouldn’t you do it.

I’d prefer when they told me gently. That would encourage me to continue my behaviour willingly for a long time.

Then whyyy are you so harsh on yourself?!

Talk to yourself as if you’re talking to the person you love the most (because you ARE).

• Long lasting change or improvement in behaviour beings with love and willingness to better yourself. Encouragement leads to progress, not criticism.

When you criticise yourself, nothing ‘good’ happens. You being to feel you cannot do this, you’re not worth it, it’s too much for you, you don’t deserve this, etc.

Start encouraging yourself and being compassionate with yourself.

6. Don’t dwell too much on others opinions, they keep changing.

The moon doesn’t go through phrases, our perspective of the moon goes through phases. No matter what calender says, the moon is always full. Regardless of someone’s opinion, perspective or inability to see it as whole and complete, the moon is unapologetically full. I find wisdom and strength in this truth.

– Steve Maraboli

Remember –

• Like the moon, even your life goes through phases, sometimes it’s completely dark, sometimes it completely bright. And many a times, it’s a combination of both. But even in your struggles, remember this is not the complete you, you are much more than your struggle and hardship.

• You are whole, you are complete, no matter what they say, you have that spark to shine again.

7. Life goes by, live it

Oh my God! What if you wake up some day and you’re 65 or 75 and you never got your novel or memoir written, or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools or oceans because your thighs were jiggly or you had a nice big comfortable tummy, or you were just so stung out on perfectionism and people pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy, creative live of imagination and radical stillness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.

– Anne Lamott

Remember –

• You’ll have more regret for the things you didn’t do as compared to those you did.

8. Practice self compassion

Picture yourself when you were five. In fact, dig out a photo of little you at that time and tape it to your mirror. How would you treat her, love her, feed her? How would you nurture her if you were the mother of little you? I bet you would protect her fiercely while giving her space to spread her itty-bitty wings. She’d get naps, healthy food, imagination time and adventures into the world. If playground bullies hurt her feelings, you’d hug her tears away and give her perspective. When tantrums or meltdowns turned her into a poltergeist, you’d demand a loving timeout in a naughty chair. From this day forward I want you to extend that same compassion to your adult self.”
– Kris Carr

Remember –

• Practice self compassion. In tough times remind yourself-

This is a moment of suffering.

Suffering is a part of life.

May I be kind to myself.

9. Live the little moments.

A morning sky, a particular perfume that you had once loved and that brings back subtle memories with it, a line from a forgotten poem that you had come across again… I tell you, that it is on things like these that our lives depend.

– Oscar Wilde

Remember –

• Enjoy your life!! Find beauty in little things that make you smile. These little things truly mean so much.

10. Be grateful

(At the end of an exhausting day) I think of all the things I am grateful for… My family, my health, my business, my friends… And I try to focus on that and breathe.

– Diane von Furstenberg

Remember –

• Be grateful for the things you have and appreciate and enjoy their existence.

You’ll realise how blessed you are!

So, these were the 10 quotes I want to remind you guys to apply in your life this year.

I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and you will be liked, and that you will have people to live and like in return. And most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise and that you will always be kind.

– Neil Gaiman

5 lessons psychology taught me and how can you apply them in your life

From all my psychology related posts you guys might have guessed that I’m a psychology student.

Learning psychology has enriched my life. There are so many things I came to realise about myself and others. It has helped me in my relationships with others and myself.

So today I want to share 5 such valuable lessons I learnt and how I applied them in my life and how can you do it too.

1. Everyone is unique – Psychology reminds this to you every second. Every single person is different.

“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.”

—Emma Stone

Human nature is very complex and unpredictable. Everyone is unique. Their perspectives are different, their thoughts and beliefs are different, their values are different, their mindset is different, their needs are different.

Understanding this made me more open-minded. I was able to accept different people from different backgrounds with different abilities.

I also learnt that it’s difficult to categorise people. They are always evolving and growing.

How you can apply this –

• Understand that people are different. Be okay with that. Don’t try to fit people into different categories.

• Don’t label people. (Especially – negative labels) Some might take it too seriously and live upto that label, some might prove you wrong in no time.

2. One thing doesn’t work for everyone –

Just do what works for you, because there will always be someone who thinks differently…

– Michelle Obama

From the first point, this seems obvious.

In psychology, while analysing disorders, you need to look at many different factors and even for the same disorders, different patients need different treatment.

I realised one thing doesn’t work for everyone and that I don’t need to expect what works for me, should work for others as well.

This kinda stopped me from giving advices and made me help my friends choose whatever works the best for them.

I started exploring different ways to reach a particular goal and found what worked the best for me.

How can you apply this –

• If someone cannot follow your advice, understand that this might not work for them. You might have the best intentions, but if someone cannot follow your advice, don’t dwell on that. Help them figure out what works for them.

• Don’t be so harsh on yourself. If you try really hard and it doesn’t happen, let go of that path. May be you need some other path to reach that particular goal.

3. If you have a good relationship with yourself, many things will fall into place – As they say, “You cannot pour from an empty cup, you gotta take care of yourself first”.

It starts with you.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

– Mark Twain

It matters how you look at yourself and what you think about yourself. As they say – The relationship you have with yourself, sets to tone for every other relationship you’ll have.

If you are kind to yourself, it will be much easier for you to be kind to others.

If you love yourself, it will be much easier to love others.

If you heal yourself, you will be able to support others in their healing.

You have to start with yourself because the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

How can you apply this –

• Learn to focus more attention on your growth and your healing.

• Understand yourself. Know yourself, be gentle with yourself and pay attention to your needs.

4. There are many different ways to look at things – Just accept this.

We don’t get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Only notes that are different can harmonize. The same is true with people.

– Steve Goodier

What is true for you, may not be necessarily true for someone else. We judge things based on our experience. Not necessary everyone had the same experience.

What is too good for you, may not be as good to your friend and that’s okay.

How you can apply this –

• Be open to different perspectives. Some things maybe true for you, but you also need to understand others. Be open to different ideas, concepts and thoughts and you will learn much more.

• When someone disagrees with you, be curious instead of critical. Try to understand their perspective. And whatever it is, be okay with that.

5. You have a choice –

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Viktor E. Frankl

YES, you have a choice. You are free to choose your response. You can control your reaction.

I get it, you cannot control what happens to you. But you can control how to react, and that is empowering.

When you choose how to react, you give the power to yourself. You are responsible for your reaction.

Have you noticed that there are some people who have been through really bad times but through their determination and dedication they achieved a lot of success.

And there are some people who give up early on themselves and think their actions don’t matter. They believe they are at the mercy of their situations and just hope things to get better.

How can you apply this –

• Sometimes you gotta look deep within yourself and understand what you need to do to improve your situation.

• Having a choice doesn’t mean you need to blame yourself for everything. Think about it in a empowering way – You get to choose your response! How wonderful is that!

It is true you have a choice, but be gentle with yourself while choosing something. You don’t need to beat yourself up for your wrong choices. If you’ve been through really hard time, be compassionate and kind to yourself and others.

You can say to yourself – ” I forgive myself for acting in such a way. I realise how painful it is to face the consequences now. I am learning from my mistakes and would never repeat them in future. I have faith in myself that I have what it takes to achieve that goal. I won’t choose to quit. I will try better next time. ”

What is your take on this? Have you experienced these statements to be true as well? I’d like to hear your experiences please share them in the comments below.

Also let me know if you’d like to read a part 2 of this.

Thank you for your time! Hope you enjoyed the blogpost! 🙂

6 situations when I felt grateful and how that helped me

Every morning when I open my curtains for that first look at the day, no matter what the day looks like – raining, foggy, overcast, sunny – my heart swells with gratitude. I get another chance.

– Oprah Winfrey

Today I’ll be sharing some events from my life when I learnt the importance of being grateful. Many of you can relate to it as well.

I’d like to share how feeling grateful helped me enhance my happiness and helped me become more hopeful.

Day 1 – I was in 9th grade at that time. We were preparing for the farewell party of 10th standard students. We were busy with the preparations, working together, chatting with eachother and having fun.

On the day of farewell, we were super excited for the party. All went well, there were games, music and dance and there was also a session where the students were going to share their memories of our school.

I remember how good I felt listening to those stories. They shared the times when they won a competition, when they were scolded by teachers, when they received moral support and encouragement by teachers and the fun time they had during annual gatherings and picnics.

Some of the studens cried as they would be missing their friends, their fun memories and the teachers.

One girl said “Time flies! I remember it as yesterday when I took admission here for 5th grade. Teachers and students were so welcoming and friendly that I got along with them in no time. Now I look back at those years and realise how beautiful the journey has been.”

I suddenly felt how would it be next year, when we would be leaving the school.

I truly felt grateful that we had another year being in school. Because of that feeling of gratitude and the desire to create good memories, I found myself interacting more with friends I don’t usually speak a lot to and participating in many different competitions just to make memories.

The feeling of gratitude can help you enjoy and feel the days, months, years, you have left in a particular setting. This time will pass by soon, so why not enjoy it and find beauty in little things and live the moments.

Day 2 – It was when I won prize at elocution competition. I practiced really hard and finally I won.

My heart was full and overflowing with gratitude. I felt thankful to my teachers for helping me, to my parents for encouraging me, to my friends for cheering for me and to myself for putting in the work. I felt so confident and happy.

I allowed myself to take the credit for my work and be thankful to everyone for their support.

The feeling of gratitude can help you become more confident and happy. Instead of giving someone else the credit for your success, allow yourself to feel grateful for your achievement. You will remember that for a long time.

When you acknowledge people’s efforts and thank them, they feel good and they like to share the joy with you.

Day 3 – I remember watching the movie ‘Anand’ of Rajesh Khanna. It was so beautiful and touching that the message is still imprinted in my heart.

That was the story of a cancer patient and his attitude towards life. How happy and enthusiastic he was! Even after holding so much pain in his heart, he believed in bringing people together and making them smile. He was thankful for every single moment and he lived his life to the fullest.

That movie still makes me feel grateful for being alive. Isn’t it wonderful just to be alive? To get to experience this beautiful world and to spread your light.

The feeling of gratitude for every passing moment makes us more aware to enjoy this life. We don’t know what will happen next, we’ve got one life, let’s be grateful for being alive.

Day 4 – I was going through my first breakup.

It was a very hard time for me. (You know at first we have that strong belief that our first boyfriend or girlfriend will be the one we’ll get married to and when it doesn’t happen, we feel angry and sad and have that constant struggle to move on.)

At that time I was so fortunate to have my best friend by my side. She helped me get through it. There were so many times when she listened to me patiently, without judging me and she was the only one who didn’t gave me any advice. I was being bombarded with so many different advices from my friends. She was the only one who encouraged me to explore the solutions myself. Honestly, she helped me heal.

I feel so grateful to have such understanding and kind and lovely friend in my life. There were times when I took her for granted, but this feeling of gratitude towards her, feeling blessed to have her in my life, that is something that has made me give her the love and care she deserves every time.

Feeling grateful for the people around you, constantly reminds you of the good things they did for you, the good times you spent together. This strengthens your relationship.

You tend to evaluate the relationship in a more positive light when you feel grateful.

Day 5 – One of my friend was going through a tough time. She had problems at home and she was not doing well in college.

I listened to her. Listened patiently and sincerely. I didn’t give any advice. I validated her pain. Before leaving, she hugged me and said she was grateful for my time and support.

That day onwards, she started treating me much better. She was good to me before, but now she started trusting me more and responding more.

There are these small moments in our life when someone helps us and we feel good. When we express our gratitude, we tend to reciprocate more.

If someone was kind to me and I feel grateful for that it’s more likely that I will do kind deeds to that person and to others more often.

Day 6 – Okay, so this was the time when we had Valentine’s day in college. It was the month of February and couples were busy planning their day together.

Me and few of my friends were single. We were irritated by the constant buzz going around for Valentine’s day.

I saw a video on YouTube about valentine’s day that reminded people to spread love on this special day. That’s when it clicked – Valentine’s day is celebration of LOVE! It’s not necessary you should be engaged to someone to celebrate it. You can celebrate it with people you love.

I shared that video with my friends. We decided to spend the morning time with our families and give them gifts for taking care of us and loving us unconditionally. In the evening we girls met and had a wonderful time together.

At that night I saw many posts on Instagram from my friends about how amazing their day was, and how their bae surprised them.. and looking at their pictures I didn’t feel jealous or bad. I really felt happy for them and more than anything, I felt happy for myself. I felt extremely grateful to have such wonderful parents and amazing friends who have my back no matter what.

When you are grateful for what you have, you tend to appreciate it more and you don’t feel jealous when others have something better than you. Because you focus your attention on what you have and the happiness it brings you.

So, these were my experiences with gratitude and how it helped me.

Can you relate to this? Are there similar experiences in your life? How do you think being grateful can help you?

Share with me in comments below.

Thank you so much for being here🙏❤️

I live in the space of thankfulness — and for that, I have been rewarded a million times over. I started out giving thanks for small things, and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased. That’s because — for sure — what you focus on expands. When you focus on the goodness in life, you create more of it.
– Oprah Winfrey

Hope you have a beautiful Sunday🌈💙

What does gratitude mean to me?

Being grateful all the time isn’t easy. But when you least feel thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: perspective.

Gratitude can transform any situation. It alters your vibration, moving you from negative energy to positive. It’s the quickest, easiest most powerful way to change your life.

– Oprah Winfrey

Gratitude is more than just saying ‘Thank you’.

🔸It’s that feeling of gratefulness that you experience when you say Thank You. 🙏

🔹It’s about acknowledging someone’s efforts and being grateful for that. 😊

🔸It’s about counting the blessings in your life and saying ‘How fortunate I am to be alive! To experience this beautiful life!’ 😍

🔹It’s about appreciating someone’s efforts to keep them going. 👍

🔸It’s about transferring the positive energy into someone who made you happy and encouraging such acts. 💫

🔹It’s about being satisfied with what you have and enjoying the moment. 🌈

🔸It’s about feeling grateful for your loved ones and not taking them for granted. 💞

🔹It’s about focusing on the positive side and dragging yourself out of negative thoughts. 💖

I looked around and thought about my life. I felt grateful. I noticed every detail. That is the key to time travel. You can only move if you are actually in the moment. You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.

– Amy Poehlerh

When I express gratitude I find myself –

🔸Being satisfied for what I have and enjoying the present moment. 🌸

🔹Feeling blessed for… Almost everything. ✨

🔸Encouraging people who do good deeds. ❤️

🔹Feeling grateful for my loved ones and strengthening my relationships with them. 👫

🔸Being happy. 🤗

🔹Taking time to appreciate myself and my growth. 😇

🔸Being motivated to take action.✌️

🔹Appreciating little things in life and realising how much they mean to me.❣️

🔸Living my life to the fullest.🌟

Where there is gratitude, there is the realisation that we can find happiness and peace even when things are not going our way.

– Arianna Huffington

When do I express gratitude?

🔸When I realise someone took efforts to make me happy.😊

🔹When someone did something good for me.❤️

🔸When I realise how special and beautiful this moment is.🌈

🔹When I realise that, that situation made me a better person.👌

🔸When I understand how blessed I am.😇

🔹When I realise the importance of saying ‘Thank You’.❤️

🔸 When I remember good memories. 💙

How do I express gratitude?

🔸By saying ‘Thank you’

🔹By stating what they did and how that made me happy.

🔸By doing something good in return.

🔹By appreciating people’s deeds.

🔸By acknowledging good events in my life.

🔹By living in the present moment.

🔸By cherishing good moments.

🔹By telling my loved ones how much they mean to me and how grateful I am for their presence in my life.❣️

How does gratitude help you? Do you practice gratitude? What change did you notice in yourself before and after being grateful?

And here’s my favourite quote about gratitude –

Why should you be optimistic?

“My girlfriend broke up with me. I am having problems at workplace and I can barely afford to pay the rent.

How can I be optimistic?”

I can understand. It’s not easy. But there are a few things I want you to consider. Being optimistic or not is your choice. Let’s look at the facts –

• Optimism is about being honest with yourself –

Yes, optimism is about being honest with yourself. Let me share a quote here that emphasizes my point.

I understand you might have some things going wrong in your life, it’s not turning out the way you expected it to.

It’s hard to be optimistic in such cases. But there can be some things that you can look forward to.

Yes, your girlfriend broke up with you, and you might be feeling like you will end up single and alone. But take time to consider that you have a few loyal friends who have your back in every situation.

Or

You are having a hard time at workplace or your business. And you feel like ‘what the heck am I doing with my life?’ But you can take some time to consider that you’re also learning new skills that will be beneficial in the long run.

There are some good things happening too. Instead of polarised thinking, i.e – thinking in extremes, you can take some time to look at the situation with a different and more optimistic perspective.

This is not just telling your mind to believe ‘everything will be alright’ but instead looking for such evidences and focusing on them.

• Optimism helps you look forward to your future.

You might have tried to change your situation. You struggled a lot, but you weren’t able to make it. Then it’s pretty natural to think that ‘maybe this isn’t for me afterall. This is my destiny. I’ve accepted it. I have to live like this.’

I know it hurts really bad to think that whatever you do, you won’t be able to get out of this situation, this struggle. So you give up. You accept this as your fate and continue to live with it.

While you choose to do so, I want you to take a moment and ask yourself – Is this what a really want?

If the answer is no, don’t give up on yourself. It’s that strong desire of a better future, better life that will keep you going, that will help you battle your demons.

I know it’s hard to be optimistic when nothing seems to go right, but I want you to remember that – This is not your final destination. This is not what you will settle for.

If you’re tired, feel like quitting, take a break. Relax. Reorganise your thoughts. Observe your feelings. Do whatever you think will help you.

Remember that being optimistic about future will help you come back with great energy and better mindset.

What is hope but a feeling of optimism, a thought that says things will improve, it won’t always be be bleak (and) there’s a way to rise above the present circumstances.

– Wayne Dyer

• Optimism is something you can develop –

Optimism does not always come naturally. Especially when dealing with your own problems, you’re not as likely to be optimistic. But when your friend has the same problem you find at least one thing to be optimistic about.

We need to consider the fact that we can develop a optimistic attitude.

It’s about acknowledging the present struggles and knowing that there are also some good things to smile for in the present and keeping faith that future will be better.

There are some exercises you can practice to become more optimistic. Click here to find out

Click here for optimism exercise

Optimism may not change everything, but it changes much of your beliefs. And this might help you deal better with the situation.

Here’s a quote I really love from Hellen Keller :

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.

– Hellen Keller.

Here are some facts about Optimistis –

1. Optimists tend to live longer than pessimists. Research has shown that optimists tend to live 8 – 10 years longer than pessimists!

2. Researchers from Stanford University have found that optimists have higher quality and longer lasting romantic relationships.

3. Research has shown that optimistic people are better at bouncing back from adversity.

4. Optimistic thinking helps you stay focused and motivated.

5. Optimism promotes gratitude. You tend to feel grateful for things that ,are going well and appreciate them.

So what do you think? Are you ready to practice optimism in your life? Want to try looking at things with a optimistic perspective?

Give it a try!

Good luck!!

How can you become more optimistic

Hello friends!! I hope you all are having a great day! 🙂

Last week we talked about optimism. Also about the ‘ABCDE’ model of debunking pessimistic thoughts and to increase optimism.

In this post I’d like to share a example of how it is done.

You can practice this for any event that causes too many negative thoughts.

There’s a simple example –

Adversity – Someone posted a negative hateful comment on my YouTube video.

Beliefs – I don’t think I have it in me to continue making videos. If my audience is not liking what I post why should I go on? I am terrible at this! What did I thought of myself while starting?! I suck at this. Did I say something wrong? What was my fault?

Consequences – I felt a mixture of anger and sadness. I was not able to concentrate on other activities today. I was thinking about it in the back of my mind.

Disputation – That was awful! I can understand if someone doesn’t like the video but there’s no need to be so rude and mean. I am just starting out. I need to be hopeful and keep working. I realise that I am analysing myself based on just one comment, when so many people have thanked me for sharing these videos! Yeah, I need to be realistic. One negative comment doesn’t mean nobody likes my videos. I’ve made great friends through YouTube. I cannot quit. I want to keep going. I need to understand that I cannot please everyone in the whole world. There are going to be people who may not like my videos and at the same time there will also be people who truly love what I share. I’ll work harder now and try to make better videos. I won’t give up. Next time onwards I’ll try to be more open to new perspectives without being self judgemental.

Energization – I felt much better. I was relaxed now. I listened music for a while and went back to my daily chores. Next day I found myself thinking about the next video topic and content!

What do you think? Will this help you? Give it a try!

Here’s another exercise you can try –

Your best possible selves

This exercise was developed by Laura King. A professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia.

In this exercise you have to spend twenty minutes once every week (or every month as you feel comfortable) visualising Your Best Possible Self in multiple domains life.

Imagine yourself in next 2, 5 or 10 years. Imagine how would your life be, how you want it to be. Visualise what will you have, what will your life look like in the next few years.

How would your life be if your dreams were fulfilled?

Think about your goals in upcoming years.

Write them down on paper.

My advice – Make sure you keep the focus on yourself. How will you be, don’t focus too much on what will you have or how others will be. Focus on how you will grow as a person.

Now think about how you can work on achieving these goals. What simple steps you can take today to make them come true in the future?

What do you want most in your life? Write it down.

This can help you have insight into what makes you happy, what do you want to achieve in the next few years.

It will give you a purpose, when you’re feeling low, you have something, some goal to look up to.

You will also be able to understand that these goals are achievable and you can start right now to make them come true.

You will tend to feel more optimistic about your future.

Good luck! 🙂

Try this if you’re not so optimistic

Positive thinking often involves trying to believe upbeat statements like “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better” in the absence of evidence or even in the face of contradictory evidence. Learned optimism in contrast is about accuracy.

– Martin Seligman

This is a perfect quote to start this blog post with. Learned optimism is about accuracy.

Optimism is not about being positive regardless anything. It’s about looking at the bright side. It’s about actually finding something to be optimistic about. It’s about being honest with yourself and focusing on the positive side.

Before we check out the exercise, why don’t you take a few moments to see whether or not you are a optimistic person? Click here to test your optimism.

If you personally think you’re not a very optimistic person or score low on the test here’s a exercise that you can benefit from.

It’s called the ABCDE model.

A – Adversity

B – Beliefs you automatically have when it occurs

C – Usual consequences of belief

D – Disputation of routine belief

E – Energization that occurs when you dispute it successfully.

What do you need to do –

Adversity – State your adversity. The situation in which you had too many negative thoughts or beliefs. Something that made you anxious, angry, worried, etc.

Belief – State those thoughts that came to your mind. Those extreme negative thoughts. Yeah, write them down.

Consequences – What was the result of those beliefs? Were you sad? Disappointed? Worried? Anxious? State the consequences here.

Disputation – Now here comes the interesting part. Argue with yourself. Yes, argue with your beliefs. Test them. Are they true? Will they be true in the long run? What can you do to change or improve the situation? Is there one and only reason for the adversity? List all the reasons you come across. You’ll be surprised to notice that most of the reasons were beyond your control. Even if they were in your control ask yourself “What is the worst case scenario?” Be very practical in this. Many a times, you’ll see that you were stressing out over a small issue, everyone will probably forget in next few years, including you. Ask yourself “Why?”. Why am I thinking this way? Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary?

Energization – Notice how you feel after doing this. Do you still think you were right? How do you feel now? What is the change? How’s your mood? And… Are you optimistic? About your future? About yourself? About your relationships?

This is a really wonderful exercise I found in Martin Seligman’s book ‘Authentic Happiness’. I’d like to share some examples of this in the next post. If you try this exercise, don’t forget to share your experience with me.

Share this exercise with your friends who could benefit from this. Looking forward to all your responses!!

Thank you for being here!🙏 Have a fantastic day ahead 💖🌈💖

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Yeah, you probably have heard this question many times. If you say the glass is half empty, you’re probably pessimistic and if you say glass is half full, you’re optimistic.

But believe me, optimism is more than that.

So today I want to talk about the thinking patterns and behaviours of optimistic and pessimistic people.

Identify where you belong and what thinking pattern you’d like to adopt.

Have you heard such conversations before?

Anjali – Hey Rahul! Congrats on winning the contest last week. Your painting was wonderful. Are you thinking about enrolling your name for the championship?

Rahul – Maybe I just got lucky. 😅 I don’t think I can win the championship. There are so many people out there who are much better than me. I don’t think I’ll make it.

Can you relate to this?

“You are always so busy, you never make time for me. I know I’m not your priority.”

“You never understand me. You just know how to make a fuss over everything.”

Let’s talk about the first conversation. What do you think about Rahul? Is he confident? Is he optimistic? Is he being honest?

Hmm.. Well, I think he is not so confident about his talent, his work. He refuses to take credit for his hardwork. And Most Importantly – He thinks good events occur due to external and temporary factors.

Due to this attitude he is not able to utilise his potential to the fullest.

In the second conversation, you’ll notice words suggesting a permanent behaviour.

It shows us that the person believes that negative behaviours have permanent and uncontrollable factors.

Now here’s how I’d like to reframe the conversations and thinking patterns.

Rahul – Thank you so much Anjali! Yes, I spent hours working on that painting. Yes, I’ve been thinking about the same thing. I’ll definitely enroll my name. I’d would love to find out how much better I can do.

And…

“We haven’t spent quality time together since past few days. I understand you are busy, but let’s plan something for us for the weekend”

“Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy these days, have a ton of work to complete. But it’s just for this week due to the meeting with international clients. Yeah, we can surely plan something for the weekend”

In the first conversation Rahul appears more honest about his efforts. He believes that he has the ability and skill to achieve success. He wants to give it a shot. He appears optimistic.

In the second conversation, they seem to understand that negative events have temporary causes. One setback does not mean you are not worth it, it doesn’t mean it’s over. Sometimes, unwanted events occur to strengthen your relationships and to increase your knowledge and skills to be successful.

I’ve learnt that when you think about setbacks as temporary are changeable, you feel hopeful and in control. (For eg – The difference between “He is always grumpy” and “He was in a bad mood”)

When you think about setbacks as permanent, then you have a problem. You think you haven’t got what it takes to make it. And then the worse thing happens – You stop trying.

When you think that positive events happen because of your efforts, you believe in yourself even more. When you believe that external forces cause good events for you, you do not feel long lasting happiness (For eg – The difference between “I won because I got lucky I guess..” and “I won because I worked hard”)

So based on these facts, this is my To-do list to increase Optimism –

• Refer to bad events as temporary and changeable

• Refer to good events and permanent and long lasting

• Carefully use the words ‘Always and never’

Replace it with ‘These days, lately, sometimes, etc’

• Be optimistic about future. You can start by taking small steps today to increase the likelihood of good events in future.

“Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism”

– Martin Seligman

Research shows that optimistic people perform better than pessimistic people in almost all domains.

Research states that optimistic people perform better at workplace, live longer and have better health. Optimism helps you with stress management and promotes happiness.

Increasing optimism is a skill. We can all learn how to get better at it.

I’ll soon be posting more exercises about Optimism. If you have any queries or any suggestions please let me know. Also I’d love to hear if you like these posts. I’d really appreciate your reply and support.

Thank you for being here💖🌈🙏