It’s not just about the advice. It’s okay, I understand you might feel the pressure to come up with a creative solution or magically make the problem disappear.
But it doesn’t work.
When I come to you with my problem.. I want you take the time to hear me out. I want you to understand me and listen to me. Because it wasn’t easy for me to talk about this. If I’m gathering up the courage to speak about something that’s bothering me I don’t want you to treat it like unimportant trivial thing and show me how wrong I’m doing.
Trust me I’ve had enough of that.
When someone gathers the courage to speak up, all you need to do is listen.. and understand.
Most of the times it’s enough.
And let’s be real, there isn’t advice for everything on this planet.
When someone is depressed you can’t tell that person it’s all your fault or how can you “get over it”. Sometimes the best they can do is to go through the pain.. go through the pain thinking it’s a part of life and they have their loved ones besides them.. even that support of having someone by your side means so much!
Let me tell you what happens when you give advice without listening.. you lack empathy. You cannot think from the other person’s perspective and cannot understand what he/she is going through. When you can’t understand how they think and feel, you’re more likely to complicate the situation coming up with some silly conclusion. It’s like you are giving the exam and don’t know which paper you are solving.. you’re bound to fail.
Think about a time when you were feeling sad and hurt. What did you need most at that time? Advice? Maybe if you’re stressed about a very important problem. Maybe if your only goal is solving the problem.
But most of the times you need someone to listen to you… Simply listen.. and understand. Someone who would genuinely care. Someone who would be kind to you when you forget to be kind to yourself.
Be that to someone when they need you.