Taking responsibility

Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Victor Frankl

When you say you are responsible for your actions-

Someone would be like.. “oh! so now you’re blaming me for everything?!”

And someone would be like..

“that’s empowering! So it means that no matter what happens to me, I can still choose to react the way I want… Hmmm… Maybe I’ll try to react better next time and see if the situation gets better”

Choose the response that feels right for you.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Maybe we could also reframe that as –

With great responsibility comes great power!

This is true too!

There are 6 pillars of self esteem. (according to Nathaniel Brandon.)

One of those is “self responsibility”. It means when you take responsibility for you actions and your life, you report high self esteem.

What does it actually mean to take responsibility?

It means to not blame others for your misfortune and getting up, dusting off and improving things for yourself.

This is not always easy, I get it. But please understand it’s also liberating.

When you go through a breakup, you feel sad and isolated. We can’t numb feelings, allow yourself to feel that. Don’t blame him/her. Just accept what happened. (Okay maybe go through the stage of blaming, but don’t be stuck there. Move ahead.)

After a period of time when you are feeling a little better or things start to seem a little easier, take control of your life.

Do the things you can to get better. Emotionally and mentally.

Remember no one is going to do that for you. No one is coming to save you. And also remember that You yourself can and should save you.

We are each responsible for our own life. If you are holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you are wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive. Begin noticing how each day brings a new opportunity for your growth. Pay attention. Every choice gives you a chance to pave your own road. Keep moving. Full speed ahead.

– Oprah Winfrey

Loneliness

Loneliness sucks.

I have been through a phase of loneliness and I know how it feels. Every single word written in this quote is true.

It feels like you don’t matter. Anything you do doesn’t really matter. It feels like you are invisible. No one notices you, appreciates you, cares for you.

Helplessness is also common. Like you are ready to do everything you can to make it go away but you can’t. You don’t know what to do. You feel completely helpless.

When I felt this, I remember crying every night. I had suicidal thoughts. I felt sad and isolated most of the day.

And as the quote says, “people do almost anything to escape this combination of isolation and powerlessness”.

It was so true. For the first time in my life I wanted to drink. Too much. I wanted to numb this feeling.

Thankfully my friends were supportive and didn’t encourage any such acts.

Thankfully my little sister showed her love to me every single day. Even when I thought about ending my life, her face came in front of my eyes and I wanted to be alive just for her.

Thankfully I found my true love at the end of all this.

That made me realise that there are people around me who love me.

People matter. They matter a lot. And it’s wonderful to have people who love you around you, they can help you get through everything.

I have seen so many memes saying “I hate people/I hate everyone” or when girl shares her relationship problems to her friends they suggest her to dump him without even listening, I know they are being sarcastic.. but we cannot normalise being alone.

We cannot make isolation look cool. It’s not cool. It’s dark.

People are important. Close friends are important. When things get tough between them leaving shouldn’t be the only option. At least try to make things work. If you are wrong, apologise and be ready to face consequences, don’t run. Kind friends are so important.

They make life worth living.

No matter how much success, or wealth you accumulate, you need someone you love waiting for you home at the end of the day.

And please…

Never miss a opportunity to tell your close ones how much you love them.. how much they mean to you.. be genuine, be kind

And if you are going through this phase…

Pleaseeee seek help. Don’t give up. I promise there are people who care for you. You matter. You are loved. Things will get better, I promise..

When I am mindful

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice the beauty of graffiti wall
that I pass by everyday

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice that something is not right
with my best friend and maybe she needs more of my care

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I talk to my grandma and notice the happiness
in her voice when she talks about certain things

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise my dad shows love through actions
even if he fails to express in words

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I understand the care and effort
of my mother to raise me in a proper way

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise that tough times don’t last
and things do get better day by day

I realise that in fact, there aren’t as many bad things in my life as it seems

I realise that there is more kindness in the world and it multiplies when we give ♥️

© Vrunda Chauk

how we interpret causes

When things go wrong…

Rohit – bro, I heard you didn’t get selected in the finals

Rahul – yeah.. i injured my knee just before the semifinal match during practice.. that’s why I couldn’t perform my best

And also I couldn’t communicate with my coach.. some of the guys from opposing team were bullying some of my friends. Our coach had some emergency and couldn’t attend the match. If he would have been there he would have done something about it and given us a moral boost. He always motivates us and we have great faith in him.. it would have been helpful if he was here…

But it’s okay. We cannot control everything right? I will ask the coach about next tournament and start the training right away. We will kill it this time!!


Rohit – bro, I heard you didn’t got selected in the finals

Varad – yeah.. it’s very sad. I know we could have done better. We failed and it’s completely our fault..

I am feeling so bad about this… I don’t want to go for any tournament now… I am really disappointed with myself.. I had worked so hard for this, practiced for hours.. I don’t think I can get better and we can ever win


When things go right…

Rohit : bro I heard you won the championship! Congrats man!!

Rahul : thank you! It was really awesome! The way I hit the last goal, everyone was in awe.. We all had worked really hard for this.. this is the success of our team!

I am so happy to be part of this team! With the help of such good teammates and wonderful coach.. we did it!

Yayy!!!


Rohit : bro I heard you won the championship! Congrats man!!

Varad : oh well.. thanks but it wasn’t really me. I mean it was teamwork, they all worked really hard


What can we learn from these two conversations?

Sounds familiar?

Who would you rather be? Rahul or Varad?

When things go wrong, we try to blame ourselves as the cause and feel negative. When things go right, we undermine ourselves and do not feel as happy as we should.

It’s so ironical isn’t it?

Maybe it would be of great help if we look for causes of negative outcomes outside of ourselves and give ourselves credit for the good things that happen in our life. ❤️

Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism.

– Martin Seligman

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People who believe they cause good things tend to like themselves better than people who believe good things come from other people or circumstances.

– Martin Seligman

Growth mindset

Some of us believe deep down that people really can change. These growth oriented assume that it’s possible, for example to get smarter if you are given right opportunities and support and if you try hard enough and if you believe you can do it. Conversely, some people think that you can learn skills, but your capacity to learn skills – your talent – can’t be trained. The problem with holding the latter fixed mindset view – and many people who consider themselves talented do – is that no road is without bumps. Eventually you’re going to hit one. At that point having a fixed mindset becomes tremendous liability. With a fixed mindset you’re likely to interpret these setbacks as evidence that, after all, you don’t have the “right stuff” – you’re not good enough. With a growth mindset you belive you can learn to do better.

– Angela Duckworth

The Vulnerability Quiz

1. Vulnerability means..

A. Uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure

B. Weakness

C. Attention seeking

D. Foolishness

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Right answer – A. Uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.


2. Being vulnerable to someone means…

A. Showing someone in how much pain you are in to seek sympathy

B. Making up false stories to grab attention

C. Telling private information to test relationship

D. To express your true self and be brave

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Right answer – D. To express your true self and be brave


3. True or false

Vulnerability does not depend on the relationship you have with other person.

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Right answer – FALSE.

Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust.

It is about sharing our feelings and experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.


4. Vulnerability requires ___________ from the listener.

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Right answer – Kindness and loyalty

Mutually respectful vulnerability leads to increased connection, trust and engagement.

Vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust and disengagement


5. Perfectionism is a belief that….

A. I can do everything well

B. If I do things perfectly, I can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame

C. I have to live up to my standards

D. None of the above

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Right answer – B. If I do things perfectly, I can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame

Perfectionism is less about doing things right than it is about avoiding the consequence if you do it wrong. It’s more about pleasing others.

And if you think “your perfectionism” is not about all this, it’s just a genuine desire to make things right, then complete the task. Perfection comes with time and experience, you cannot wait until you make your very first poetry “perfect”.


6. Vulnerability helps you…

A. Connect with others

B. Detach from others

C. Feel bad about yourself

D. None of the above

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Right answer – A. Connect with others


All this information was taken form Berne Brown’s research on vulnerability.

I tried to present it in a creative way to make it easy to understand and remember.

Hope you guys liked it! 🙂

Quiz time (answers)

1. Which of the following characteristics grateful people tend to exhibit?

A. Boastful

B. Mean

C. Too proud

D. Helpful and empathetic

Right answer – D. HELPFUL AND EMPATHETIC.


2. In which of the following situations expressing gratitude will be helpful?

A. When you are coping with stress or trauma

B. When you have to build social bonds

C. When you want to savour life experiences

D. All of the above

Right answer – D. ALL OF THE ABOVE


3. State weather following statements are true or false.

A. Expressing gratitude tends to reduce the invidious comparisons with others. TRUE (you can’t compare when you’re actually grateful for what you have! When you experience gratitude towards something, you will cherish it’s importance and are less likely to compare)

B. Expressing gratitude can actually make negative emotions deter. TRUE (gratitude is a positive emotion. It’s actually found in research that gratitude in fact can diminish feelings such as anger, bitterness and greed)

C. If you express gratitude, you may not take things for granted. TRUE (when you express gratitude and appreciate things, you are less likely to take things for granted)


4. “Being a optimistic” means

A. Looking at the bright side in every situation

B. Being happy all the time

C. Talking about imaginary stuff with no logic

D. None of the above

Right Answer – A. LOOKING AT THE BRIGHT SIDE IN EVERY SITUATION (but optimism is also more than that. It’s about how you interpret causes of certain events. Optimists generally see causes of negative events as external)


5. Fill in the blank

Optimism is about considering problems as temporary and _________ causes.

Right answer – external


6. True or false

Optimism keeps us from making any real process

Right answer – FALSE (optimism motivates us to take initiative. And research has found that optimists don’t easily give up)


7. Fill in the blank

Optimism is not just about thoughts like ‘I will get there’ but about _________.

Right answer – exactly how can I do it

(optimism is not wishful thinking)


Guys I hope you enjoyed this quiz. It’s just a fun way to learn more about positive psychology. I hope you all liked it.

Any comments, feedback is always welcome! 🙂

Let me know if you’d like to have more such quizzes in future.

Take care friends!! Stay safe❤️

positive emotions at workplace

I joined as salesperson in Shah enterprises a few years ago. I didn’t have much knowledge of sales but I really needed a job and this seemed right at the moment.

Selling was hard. We had to face lots of rejections every single day. But despite of that we had to continue our work with the same enthusiasm. Eventually I got comfortable with people turning me down. I knew that after 100 rejections I will sell one product. I knew every door that I knock on wasn’t meant for me and also that eventually, I will find the right door.

Everyone around me was super competitive. They didn’t invest their emotions into their work. Maybe over the years they had learnt that making that sale is the only thing they need. They all were running for achievement, that others praise. They felt that emotions only get in their way of success and worked like emotionless robot for the entire day.

I was not one of them. That’s not how I wanted to live my life. I liked talking to people. I enjoyed making emotional connections with them. Not that I was too emotional about everyone or stuff, it’s just that I liked connecting with people on a deeper level.

For every sale I did, I remember having a great time talking to the buyer. Sometimes people were rude too, but I used to tell myself that it’s okay, maybe they’re just having a bad day.

Slowly, my sales began to rise. Earlier there were times when I sold just one product in two weeks, now it was 3-4 in a week. My colleagues were jealous of me, to be honest, they were working harder than me. But I seemed to get better results.

After some time I was promoted as Team Leader. I trained my team well and just told them to enjoy what they were doing. I told them it’s okay if they didn’t make a sale, I wanted them to make connections with people. I wanted them to feel good at the end of the day and not frustrated. I told them to shift their focus from making a sale as their only motive to enjoy the process of making a sale.

After a few months, my team made the highest number of sales that month. I was so happy and proud!

Next year I was made Branch Manager. Things just got better after that.

What I’ve learnt in all these years is that, enjoying your work now is important. People are mostly hard on themselves and work day and night just to be successful. Even if you become successful the next day, you will be worried about another challenge that comes your way. Again working hard for success. It keeps going on.

Sometimes its important to enjoy the process of getting there. Not just the end result. Process is equally important.

In my case, I’ve seen that when I feel emotionally good, I am more productive. I am enthusiastic the next day to come to work. Emotional gratification is necessary for success.

As they say, success depends on 20% IQ and 80% on EI. That is emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence also applies to you, how you use your emotions to become successful.

At the end of the day, I am glad I didn’t fell into the trap of rat race and did what I felt right.

And as you can see, it turned out quite well.

– Amit Kumar

(National Sales Manager, Shah enterprises)


Research shows that positive emotions at workplace lead to better productivity and workplace satisfaction.

There is growing evidence that positive emotions influence variables vital for workplace success such as positive beliefs, creativity, work engagement, positive coping, health, teamwork and collaboration, customer satisfaction, leadership, and performance.


References –

Ed Diener, Stuti Thapa, Louis Tay

Annual Review of Organizational Psychology and Organizational Behavior 2020 7:1, 451-477


P.S – Guys this is a fictional story I wrote to illustrate my point. It’s not about me or anyone I know.

Also if you want to connect with me on instagram, here’s my id – @vivacious_vruuu

Take care guys!!

who will be more happy?

Scene 1Roopa got admitted to new school. She didn’t have many friends. She talked to 2-3 girls at the most. When they invited her to come and sit with their group, she was just too shy to join. When asked about it, she used to say “why should I go first? They should come and talk to me” She didn’t even interact much with her cousins and family either.

Scene -2 Khushi was also admitted to the same school in same class with Roopa. She was very excited about new school and making new friends, within a week everyone in class knew Khushi. She made lots of friends and had good relations with everyone. When asked about it “I am really interested in getting to know people. I love to make new friends. It’s good to have someone to talk to” she said.


Now if I ask you guys –

Who do you think from both the stories is more likely to be happy? Roopa or Khushi?

Well… Idk who will be happy either. But most probably, it will be Khushi.

Let me tell you why –

A research was done by Harward University to predict the most basic factor for happiness. The study continued for 75 years. And what did they find out –

“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” — Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development

Yesss that’s right.

Rich and satisfying relationships are important for your health and happiness.

This is not about introversion or extroversion. ‘Man is a social animal’. We need people. It’s about people. And the relationships you have with people in your life. Even a extrovert with lots of negative, unhealthy relationships will be unhappy. And a introvert with few quality, healthy relationships will be happy. It’s more about how you value relations and how you connect with people.

I’ve found this to be relatable and true in my experience. On some days when I don’t really talk to my friends or can’t maintain contact I feel unhappy, sad. (Esp during this lockdown period) When I have heart to heart conversations with friends and family and spend quality time with them I feel really good.

In words of Tal Ben-Shahar,

Having people about whom we care and who care about us to share our lives with—to share the events and thoughts and feelings in our lives—intensifi es our experience of meaning, consoles us in our pain, deepens our sense of delight in the world.

– Tal Ben-Shahar


Let’s try to stay more connected with our loved ones during this period. Let’s remind eachother, ‘we’re together, I have your back’

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