Other people

Think of a time you were happiest.

Maybe when your crush said yes to you, maybe when you won something you’ve worked hard for and celebrated with your friends and family, maybe on your family trip to Kulu-Manali last year…….

Did you notice one common factor in all these incidents? You were surrounded by people. Your loved ones. People who care for you, people who matter to you. Winning maybe not the ultimate joy or something really memorable, but sharing that win with your family and friends is really something that touches your heart.

Do you remember the last time you brought the cool watch, latest mobile phone, brand new car?

Maybe it failed to make you happy in the long run and you still rate this happiness after rating happy moments with your family and friends.

Remember the last time you did something good for someone.. how did it feel?

I know it must’ve felt awesome!

Researchers did a small study to test this. They made two groups of participants.

They gave 20$ to each participant and for one group they told to spend the money on themselves. To other group they told to spend money on doing something good for others. Maybe giving treat to a friend or buying something nice for your younger sibling.

The second group reported more happiness and satisfaction as compared to first group. Spending money on others does make you happier.

Maybe that’s the reason rich people tend to donate so much amount in charity. It helps others as well as makes them happy too.

Scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we’ve tested.- Martin Seligman

You see… People matter. Making them happy matters. Cultivating good positive relationships matters. That’s the only factor that would make us happier in the long run.

And not just for happiness. Even when you are at your lowest, what helped you heal?

Maybe your partner, your parents, your siblings or maybe you wanted to get better and improve just for these people. These people who mean the world to you.

We should try to stop being mean and ridiculing others just so we could justify ourselves. Stop pulling people down just because it makes you feel better about yourselves. Even if it does for a while, it’s shallow.

Real happiness lies being with people you love and having good quality relationships in your life.

Taking responsibility

Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Victor Frankl

When you say you are responsible for your actions-

Someone would be like.. “oh! so now you’re blaming me for everything?!”

And someone would be like..

“that’s empowering! So it means that no matter what happens to me, I can still choose to react the way I want… Hmmm… Maybe I’ll try to react better next time and see if the situation gets better”

Choose the response that feels right for you.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Maybe we could also reframe that as –

With great responsibility comes great power!

This is true too!

There are 6 pillars of self esteem. (according to Nathaniel Brandon.)

One of those is “self responsibility”. It means when you take responsibility for you actions and your life, you report high self esteem.

What does it actually mean to take responsibility?

It means to not blame others for your misfortune and getting up, dusting off and improving things for yourself.

This is not always easy, I get it. But please understand it’s also liberating.

When you go through a breakup, you feel sad and isolated. We can’t numb feelings, allow yourself to feel that. Don’t blame him/her. Just accept what happened. (Okay maybe go through the stage of blaming, but don’t be stuck there. Move ahead.)

After a period of time when you are feeling a little better or things start to seem a little easier, take control of your life.

Do the things you can to get better. Emotionally and mentally.

Remember no one is going to do that for you. No one is coming to save you. And also remember that You yourself can and should save you.

We are each responsible for our own life. If you are holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you are wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive. Begin noticing how each day brings a new opportunity for your growth. Pay attention. Every choice gives you a chance to pave your own road. Keep moving. Full speed ahead.

– Oprah Winfrey

Loneliness

Loneliness sucks.

I have been through a phase of loneliness and I know how it feels. Every single word written in this quote is true.

It feels like you don’t matter. Anything you do doesn’t really matter. It feels like you are invisible. No one notices you, appreciates you, cares for you.

Helplessness is also common. Like you are ready to do everything you can to make it go away but you can’t. You don’t know what to do. You feel completely helpless.

When I felt this, I remember crying every night. I had suicidal thoughts. I felt sad and isolated most of the day.

And as the quote says, “people do almost anything to escape this combination of isolation and powerlessness”.

It was so true. For the first time in my life I wanted to drink. Too much. I wanted to numb this feeling.

Thankfully my friends were supportive and didn’t encourage any such acts.

Thankfully my little sister showed her love to me every single day. Even when I thought about ending my life, her face came in front of my eyes and I wanted to be alive just for her.

Thankfully I found my true love at the end of all this.

That made me realise that there are people around me who love me.

People matter. They matter a lot. And it’s wonderful to have people who love you around you, they can help you get through everything.

I have seen so many memes saying “I hate people/I hate everyone” or when girl shares her relationship problems to her friends they suggest her to dump him without even listening, I know they are being sarcastic.. but we cannot normalise being alone.

We cannot make isolation look cool. It’s not cool. It’s dark.

People are important. Close friends are important. When things get tough between them leaving shouldn’t be the only option. At least try to make things work. If you are wrong, apologise and be ready to face consequences, don’t run. Kind friends are so important.

They make life worth living.

No matter how much success, or wealth you accumulate, you need someone you love waiting for you home at the end of the day.

And please…

Never miss a opportunity to tell your close ones how much you love them.. how much they mean to you.. be genuine, be kind

And if you are going through this phase…

Pleaseeee seek help. Don’t give up. I promise there are people who care for you. You matter. You are loved. Things will get better, I promise..

When I am mindful

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice the beauty of graffiti wall
that I pass by everyday

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I notice that something is not right
with my best friend and maybe she needs more of my care

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I talk to my grandma and notice the happiness
in her voice when she talks about certain things

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise my dad shows love through actions
even if he fails to express in words

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I understand the care and effort
of my mother to raise me in a proper way

When I am mindful
and pay attention
I realise that tough times don’t last
and things do get better day by day

I realise that in fact, there aren’t as many bad things in my life as it seems

I realise that there is more kindness in the world and it multiplies when we give ♥️

© Vrunda Chauk

how we interpret causes

When things go wrong…

Rohit – bro, I heard you didn’t get selected in the finals

Rahul – yeah.. i injured my knee just before the semifinal match during practice.. that’s why I couldn’t perform my best

And also I couldn’t communicate with my coach.. some of the guys from opposing team were bullying some of my friends. Our coach had some emergency and couldn’t attend the match. If he would have been there he would have done something about it and given us a moral boost. He always motivates us and we have great faith in him.. it would have been helpful if he was here…

But it’s okay. We cannot control everything right? I will ask the coach about next tournament and start the training right away. We will kill it this time!!


Rohit – bro, I heard you didn’t got selected in the finals

Varad – yeah.. it’s very sad. I know we could have done better. We failed and it’s completely our fault..

I am feeling so bad about this… I don’t want to go for any tournament now… I am really disappointed with myself.. I had worked so hard for this, practiced for hours.. I don’t think I can get better and we can ever win


When things go right…

Rohit : bro I heard you won the championship! Congrats man!!

Rahul : thank you! It was really awesome! The way I hit the last goal, everyone was in awe.. We all had worked really hard for this.. this is the success of our team!

I am so happy to be part of this team! With the help of such good teammates and wonderful coach.. we did it!

Yayy!!!


Rohit : bro I heard you won the championship! Congrats man!!

Varad : oh well.. thanks but it wasn’t really me. I mean it was teamwork, they all worked really hard


What can we learn from these two conversations?

Sounds familiar?

Who would you rather be? Rahul or Varad?

When things go wrong, we try to blame ourselves as the cause and feel negative. When things go right, we undermine ourselves and do not feel as happy as we should.

It’s so ironical isn’t it?

Maybe it would be of great help if we look for causes of negative outcomes outside of ourselves and give ourselves credit for the good things that happen in our life. ❤️

Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism.

– Martin Seligman

.

People who believe they cause good things tend to like themselves better than people who believe good things come from other people or circumstances.

– Martin Seligman

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑