Questions you need to ask yourself before criticising

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

– Dale Carnegie

I agree 100% with Dale Carnegie.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

I’ve been criticised many times in my life. And I don’t remember one single criticism being “constructive”.

When someone criticises me I have (now) developed the habit to try to understand what exactly they want to say. But to be honest, I still hate the way they say it.

One friend of mine used to criticise me. Frequently.

After constantly hearing that – I felt like I could do nothing. I am good at nothing. I started overthinking her criticism. As she was a close friend of mine, it was hard for me to just let go of her opinions about me.

I don’t remember that criticism having any good impact on me.

In college however, my new friend believed in encouraging me. I remember making mistakes and she telling me how to get better without criticising.

I felt so good in her company. I enjoyed being with her more and I finally started working on myself.

And it just happened naturally, I mean if someone is caring so much for you, encouraging you, being kind to you, it’s hard not to improve.

Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement.

– Dale Carnegie

If you take a closer look at your life, tell me how many times were you actually improved because someone criticised you?

Remember that time when someone criticised you? Think about how you felt.

I think we should let go of the prospect of “constructive criticism” and stop criticising at all.

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s take a example –

You want your friend to bake a cake for you.

What would you do?

Would you shout at him for him being lazy all day and tell him to bake cake?

Or will you

Tell him that you’d be really happy if he could bake the cake for you, or that he bakes the best cakes in the town? (not flattery but genuine appreciation and encouragement)

Will you encourage the person to do so? Or criticise him?

The person is more likely to agree when encouraged.

Now put yourself in his shoes and think how would you like to be addressed.

I don’t doubt you would like to be encouraged.


Criticism – The expression of disapproval of something or someone on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes (From – dictionary)

If this criticism, I don’t think how can this be uplifting or positive or “constructive”😂

If you don’t like something, it’s always nice to tell the concerned person in a good and kind manner. Willingness to understand their perspective and look for a solution together is what brings actual results.

Otherwise you are just being rude and insensitive and calling your talk “constructive criticism”. You are wasting your time being rude and harsh and hurting the other person and spreading a whole lot of negativity.

If you want to add suggestions of how to improve – Then they should sound and feel like suggestions.

Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.

– Dale Carnegie

It always surprises me that the people who come to criticise you.. never… never ever come to appreciate you.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s stop criticising others (and yourself) and start understanding them. (and yourself).

Because you don’t ‘win friends and influence people through criticism’. You do so by understanding and being kind.

Next time you’re about to criticise someone, ask yourself these questions –

  1. What right do I have to criticise this person?
  2. Can I state my opinion in a more kind way?
  3. Have I walked in this person’s shoes?
  4. Do I know what it feels like to be in their position?
  5. Have I done it better in my own life?
  6. Has anyone asked my opinion? Is it the right time to say this?
  7. Can I be more understanding?
  8. Am I spreading hate about someone I don’t even know?

Disclaimer – Be completely honest to yourself while answering these questions.

If you get satisfactory answers after asking this to yourself and still think/feel that criticising is the right thing to do –

Go-ahead and do it (at your own risk!)


These were my honest views about criticism. I’m not against saying what you feel or giving suggestions – it does help people to improve. But I believe you can do that in a kind and understanding way. Without criticising.


To be honest I haven’t received any criticism on this blog yet. I am so happy and blessed to have all of you who constantly encourage me and are kind to me.

You guys encourage me to keep doing what I do and get better at it.

I appreciate every single one of you.

A big ‘THANK-YOU!!

Sending love and hugs to you❤️


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Affirmations you need

Watch your thoughts for they become your words,

Watch your words for they become actions,

Watch your actions for they become habit,

Watch your habits for they become character.

Margaret Thatcher

This is so true. It all starts with your thoughts. Your mindset.

I started practicing Affirmations recently and I’ve discovered they really help to keep me in the right frame of mind. They help me keep the right mindset in different situations.

I discovered the Instagram account of Idil Ahmed – @Idillionaire

I really liked her her quotes and I find myself reading them when I doubt myself or when I don’t feel certain about anything. She reminds me that everything will work out just fine and my perspective shifts.

Here are some of my favourite quotes by her that I’d like to share –

Mentally picture yourself, radiant, strong, successful, happy, full of joy and full of life. See yourself moving upwards. Leave behind the darkness and confusion into an increasing brightness and loveliness. See yourself as growing, progressing, winning at everything you do.

– Idil Ahmed

.

Change your language to “What if it does work out”.

Believe in possibilities. Think about the best case scenario. Retraining your mind will lift you higher out of the overthinking, stress and worry of negative habitual thoughts. Change starts with your mindset. Shift it. Switch it.

– Idil Ahmed

Imagining this feels wonderful right?

Sooo, speaking of mindset, I practice different affirmations at different times to help me get into right mindset and to rise above overthinking and stuff.

I’ll be sharing some affirmations you can practice in different situations, hope you find them helpful.

Note – All these affirmations are by Louise Hay.

When you are feeling low. When you need to accept yourself and realise your worth –

When you need some positivity. Imagining that I am a joyful breeze entering a room makes me giggle. Makes me feel good and happy.

When I start overthinking. Telling myself that I’m breaking free from those fears and doubts and releasing them makes me feel good and positive –

When I start getting “not so good” experiences in life. Telling myself that they are helping me grow and evolve shifts my perspective and brings clarity in my thoughts –

When I am worried about money, it feels good to remind and affirm to myself that there is abundant wealth for me, it’s all working out for me –

This is actually a gentle reminder to be grateful and joyful throughout the day. The thought of my day starting and ending in joy and gratitude feels awesome.

When you get overwhelmed by all the new changes in your life it would be great to remind yourself that you are capable of dealing with all this. You are welcoming change –

When you don’t know whom to trust, what decision to make, try believing that everything you need to know is revealed to you. Trust your intuition –

Love is in the air – 😍 Feeling every word of this affirmation is so great

This could be a reminder that you need to make sufficient time for work and play in order to live well.

Do you practice affirmations? Does this sound helpful?

Please share in the comments below!!

Thank you so much for being here❤️ Have a blessed day friends✨😇

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