The Vulnerability Quiz

1. Vulnerability means..

A. Uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure

B. Weakness

C. Attention seeking

D. Foolishness

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Right answer – A. Uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

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2. Being vulnerable to someone means…

A. Showing someone in how much pain you are in to seek sympathy

B. Making up false stories to grab attention

C. Telling private information to test relationship

D. To express your true self and be brave

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Right answer – D. To express your true self and be brave

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3. True or false

Vulnerability does not depend on the relationship you have with other person.

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Right answer – FALSE.

Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust.

It is about sharing our feelings and experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.

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4. Vulnerability requires ___________ from the listener.

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Right answer – Kindness and loyalty

Mutually respectful vulnerability leads to increased connection, trust and engagement.

Vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust and disengagement

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5. Perfectionism is a belief that….

A. I can do everything well

B. If I do things perfectly, I can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame

C. I have to live up to my standards

D. None of the above

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Right answer – B. If I do things perfectly, I can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame

Perfectionism is less about doing things right than it is about avoiding the consequence if you do it wrong. It’s more about pleasing others.

And if you think “your perfectionism” is not about all this, it’s just a genuine desire to make things right, then complete the task. Perfection comes with time and experience, you cannot wait until you make your very first poetry “perfect”.

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6. Vulnerability helps you…

A. Connect with others

B. Detach from others

C. Feel bad about yourself

D. None of the above

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Right answer – A. Connect with others

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All this information was taken form Berne Brown’s research on vulnerability.

I tried to present it in a creative way to make it easy to understand and remember.

Hope you guys liked it! 🙂

“I’ve been there too..”

I met this guy online.

I read his blogs and more than his thoughts, I liked his writing style, the way he expressed himself.

We started talking, first through comments and then we exchanged numbers.

In few weeks we became really good friends. We could easily connect with each other.

But there was a problem –

He speaks English very well, but he cannot speak Hindi so well.

And let me tell you – I don’t speak English fluently. It’s different while writing blogs, you get time to think and edit.

But I don’t have much experience of speaking in English. All my friends understand Hindi and Marathi. So you see… I don’t have that much opportunity to speak English in my daily life.

So when he offered to talk on call, I was really scared!😨

(What will he think of me when he realises I cannot speak fluently in English? would he continue to talk to me? I don’t want to loose his friendship.. Shit! I should’ve practiced this.. How can I be so dumb?! I am clearly not enough, I am ashamed of myself )

I couldn’t figure out what to do. But I decided I should be honest with him and let him see my flaws.

It was hard. I thought I might loose him, loose our friendship.

But I made a choice. I had two options – Be fake and hide and continue with him or Be authentic and vulnerable and risk loosing him.

I chose the second option.

Finally, we talked on call, I told him I’m not so good at speaking English.. and to my surprise… he understood me and didn’t belittle me

(Actually I thought he was a nice guy and had this feeling that he won’t judge me.. turns out.. I was right!)

I did most of the talk in Hindi, I told him I’m comfortable with it and he said he understood Hindi. He replied in English. That was weird actually… Haha…

But that was a really fun conversation! We spoke many times after that and now I’m practicing speaking in English with him and he’s trying to improve his Hindi with me.

Now he could have judged me for not speaking well in English and made himself feel good…. But he didn’t. He understood what it meant to not be able to speak a language fluently (as he had problems with Hindi)

So instead of making me feel bad about myself, he chose to be vulnerable about his flaws and lent me a helping hand.

Why I chose to share this?

Well I am reading a book of Bernè Brown, she’s a shame and vulnerability researcher.

And this incident resonated with what she had shared…

The solution to being stuck in shame is not to denigrate others stuck just like us, but to join hands and pull free together.

-Berne Brown

He literally did this for me. Not being able to speak a widely used language brings shame, but it can be overthrown if we share our own story and support each other.

If we’re going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light.

– Bernè Brown

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Okay, so this wasn’t example of extreme shame and distress, but you get the point.

That’s more important! 🙂

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Rejection

I spent last week working hard on a project

Giving it my all, hoped it would work,

Little did I know, it was going to get rejected

‘I’ was rejected

Am I not worth anything?

Is this harsh rejection all I deserve?

Feelings of worthlessness and shame crept in

Spent all nights thinking and over thinking

Drew a conclusion that I am imperfect and decided never to share my ideas again…

Only if I had realised –

My worth is not my project

I am not my idea

My value is much more than what could be defined by someone’s opinions….

I wish someone had told me

“Innovation is killed by shame”

©Vrunda Chauk

Love

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known,

and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get, it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can love others as much we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows.

Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

– Bernè Brown

(The Gifts of Imperfection)