Boundaries

Since the start of this vacation I’ve been busy meeting all my friends. Different plans with college friends, a few school friends…

Few days back I met one such friend from college. In our group she is – The Helper. She always helps her friends in need and helps everyone she can.

Even if it means she will loose something of her own. Even if she doesn’t need to help. Even if they are in a way using her for her help.

She told me she felt bad that she was always there for everyone, but when she needed someone, no one was there.

I felt bad for her. She needed my advice.

Before I could say anything she told me that she couldn’t quit helping others. She liked doing that even if they weren’t kind enough to acknowledge. But after a while she said… Maybe I do need to stop helping. I feel like I’m loosing myself along the way.

It happens when you care a lot. It happens when you can’t say NO.

There’s this interesting concept in psychology about setting boundaries.

It means being selective in what kind of behaviour you will allow and what kind of behaviour you won’t tolerate. It means letting them know… In a way teaching them how to treat you.

By praising and allowing the behaviour you want.

And stopping, restricting the behaviour you don’t like.

It is not easy always. Many people find it hard to disappoint their close ones and therefore accept even the behaviour they don’t like.

But ask yourself – By doing this are you being true to yourself and to them?

Would you like your relationship to be based on wrong information, fake feelings?

Or

Would you like to present yourself as you are to the person.. with all your messy thoughts and choices?

It also means choosing the people whom you invest your time and energy in.

Not everyone is worth your time and energy. You need to be selective. That’s for yourself and your well being. To protect your energy.

Think of it like this…

There is a door on the ground. It’s a door to your heart.

It is open. Everyone gets to come in and enjoy the warm sunshine inside.

But suddenly it starts getting crowded. So many people wanting to go in and enjoy the sunshine.

Even you don’t feel comfortable being with so many people. They all have different choices, opinions and they drain you. You feel exhausted.

So you take the door and put it on the top of the mountain.

Now, the people who take the effort to climb the mountain for you, get access to that sunshine in your heart.

They need to prove that they are willing to take care of you and let you in their sunlight as well. They need to show they are willing to take efforts as well.

That’s how you protect your energy.

That’s how you become selective at times whom you choose to help and how much you choose to offer.

It might seem hard, like you’re being mean or something.

But trust me when I say, setting boundaries has helped me a lot. It has saved my time and energy to a great extent. I’d like to encourage you all to set healthy boundaries.

When she told me about how lonely and exhausted she felt even after always being there for others.. I realised if she doesn’t stop helping people who don’t acknowledge her worth… She might never feel like helping anyone again.


It has been rightfully said that you can’t pour from a empty cup. You need to take care of yourself first. Make sure your needs are met while exhausting yourself to meet needs of someone else.


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Writing a diary…

I’ve started writing a diary since the start of this month.

I always wondered, why do people keep diaries? Why to write you day in it? It won’t be of any use in future…

Recently, I came across a very beautiful article written on WordPress by a girl who kept writing a dairy since she was 7/8 years old. The way she told her experience and the beautiful way in which she conveyed the importance and need of writing a diary touched my heart.

Therefore I decided to write a diary and see what happens.

Also when I started, I was having emotional imbalance. I read it somewhere that writing about your emotions helps.

So that’s what pushed me to try this new ritual.

I’ve been writing for a month now and I realised that everything that girl mentioned in her blog was so true! And there are many other benefits as well.

I’d like to share them with you.

Here are few ways in which keeping a dairy helped me –

1. Improved my writing.

I feel it much easier to express my emotions through words now.

As I write about my daily life and what happened and how I felt, it also kinda improves my storytelling. Every day when you write a diary, you eventually try different and interesting ways to tell the incident.

It’s fun!

2. Reduced my overthinking.

When you are writing about something, you tend to analyse it. You cannot write the same stuff again and again. At some point (usually after 3-5 mins) you run out of negative thoughts to write.

That’s helpful. It helps you gain clarity on your thoughts. When your thoughts are on paper, it’s easy to analyse them and rule out the ones that really don’t make any sense.

But when these same thoughts continue to stay in your head, you get into downward spiral of overthinking.

3. I can enjoy good memories, any time! 🙂

Yes! When you’re writing about your good emotions, note the details of the situation and express yourself.

When you go through it the next week you will feel as if you’re living the experience once again.

You will feel grateful for those beautiful moments you had in your life.

4. I realised every day is new.

Now this might sound pretty obvious. But when you write diary you truly feel it. Every single day is unique, no matter how same your tedious chores are. There are many different things that happen every day.

I used to think how boring my life is, doing the same repetitive tasks again and again. But now I understand, there are many small, new elements you can include in your daily life to make it more interesting.

This might also remind you that every day is a fresh start and you have the ability to make it more beautiful.

5. Reduces stress –

When you are stressed or overwhelmed and there are so many thoughts in your mind that you find hard to control, writing them down can be helpful.

Once they are on paper, they do not bother you that much.

6. Makes it easy to reflect on yourself –

It gives you time and opportunity to think about yourself. About your feelings, about your growth, about your problems and about your happiness.

Life is short. It goes by quick. Between out hectic schedules it’s easy to miss out the little moments of happiness and growth. You need to hold on to those little moments and reflect on them. Pay attention to them. Live them.

7. It makes it super easy to track your progress –

You want to develop a habit. Or you want to read 500 pages of the novel this month.

All of these tasks need you to keep a track record of your progress.

How cool would it be to write that – You are following up on your habit or you are on your way to achieve your goal every day in your diary!

You’d feel proud and happy. Even when you are not able to keep up to your word, when you write about it, you feel the need to continue the behaviour in future.

So that’s how this “new” behaviour has now become my helpful habit.

You can try this out too guys!

What is your experience with writing a diary? Or starting a new habit?

Please share in the comments below!

I’d like to read! 🙂

Hope you all are having a fantastic week my friends!!

Affirmations you need

Watch your thoughts for they become your words,

Watch your words for they become actions,

Watch your actions for they become habit,

Watch your habits for they become character.

Margaret Thatcher

This is so true. It all starts with your thoughts. Your mindset.

I started practicing Affirmations recently and I’ve discovered they really help to keep me in the right frame of mind. They help me keep the right mindset in different situations.

I discovered the Instagram account of Idil Ahmed – @Idillionaire

I really liked her her quotes and I find myself reading them when I doubt myself or when I don’t feel certain about anything. She reminds me that everything will work out just fine and my perspective shifts.

Here are some of my favourite quotes by her that I’d like to share –

Mentally picture yourself, radiant, strong, successful, happy, full of joy and full of life. See yourself moving upwards. Leave behind the darkness and confusion into an increasing brightness and loveliness. See yourself as growing, progressing, winning at everything you do.

– Idil Ahmed

.

Change your language to “What if it does work out”.

Believe in possibilities. Think about the best case scenario. Retraining your mind will lift you higher out of the overthinking, stress and worry of negative habitual thoughts. Change starts with your mindset. Shift it. Switch it.

– Idil Ahmed

Imagining this feels wonderful right?

Sooo, speaking of mindset, I practice different affirmations at different times to help me get into right mindset and to rise above overthinking and stuff.

I’ll be sharing some affirmations you can practice in different situations, hope you find them helpful.

Note – All these affirmations are by Louise Hay.

When you are feeling low. When you need to accept yourself and realise your worth –

When you need some positivity. Imagining that I am a joyful breeze entering a room makes me giggle. Makes me feel good and happy.

When I start overthinking. Telling myself that I’m breaking free from those fears and doubts and releasing them makes me feel good and positive –

When I start getting “not so good” experiences in life. Telling myself that they are helping me grow and evolve shifts my perspective and brings clarity in my thoughts –

When I am worried about money, it feels good to remind and affirm to myself that there is abundant wealth for me, it’s all working out for me –

This is actually a gentle reminder to be grateful and joyful throughout the day. The thought of my day starting and ending in joy and gratitude feels awesome.

When you get overwhelmed by all the new changes in your life it would be great to remind yourself that you are capable of dealing with all this. You are welcoming change –

When you don’t know whom to trust, what decision to make, try believing that everything you need to know is revealed to you. Trust your intuition –

Love is in the air – 😍 Feeling every word of this affirmation is so great

This could be a reminder that you need to make sufficient time for work and play in order to live well.

Do you practice affirmations? Does this sound helpful?

Please share in the comments below!!

Thank you so much for being here❤️ Have a blessed day friends✨😇

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