Labels

We need reasons
Reasons for everything
Not just a reason,
We like to label

When I am scared to speak in public
I label myself as introvert
I don’t try to see whether it’s my extreme fear or just a feeling everyone goes through

When I label myself
I repeat
I am an introvert.. I am an introvert..
So I try to behave like one

That day I thought of saying what I felt in class
In front of everyone
But,
“Introverts don’t speak in public, they don’t like attention”

Thus I killed my desire numerous times,
To fit into the category
I gave myself

One day I was forced to enter in elocution competition
I closed my eyes and told myself
I am not afraid of speaking in public
It’s not that bad

I didn’t get a round of applause
But my teacher beamed at me
“Yes, you spoke!”

© Vrunda Chauk

Can money buy happiness?

Okay, so being a positive psychology student (someone who studies happiness and well being) this is the question I am really curious about.

When I was small, I used to think that “Hell yes! Money does buy happiness. I can buy teddy, candy and go to adventure parks with money and it makes me sooo happy!”

As I grew up, I learnt to examine the issue from different dimensions.

Turns out that the happiness I found in candies and teddies didn’t last that long. After some time I got used to it and it didn’t excite me as it did before.

And it was not like those things always made me happy.

When I was sad and feeling lonely, no matter how much money was spent on buying me teddies and candies, I didn’t feel happy.

All I needed was a warm embrace from my mom and endless talks with her.

So, did money bring happiness?

Yes, when it was spent on adventure parks and family dinners.

Even now I long for those happy times I had with my family. These memories, they are still fresh and those pictures still make me smile.

Money does bring happiness when spent on having experiences with loved ones.

But there is another perspective to it.

For the people who are poor, money does bring a lot of happiness.

But once your needs are fulfilled, money starts loosing it’s value.

When you are hungry and have your favorite cookie, your satisfaction level is 100.

When you have another cookie that satisfaction level drops to 98

When you have yet another cookie the satisfaction level drops to 92

And so on…

There is this concept of ‘hedonic treadmill’ in psychology.

The hedonic treadmill theory states that our circumstances, including extremes like winning the lottery or becoming a paraplegic, alter our happiness level temporarily, and we quickly adjust back to a fixed emotional set point.

It basically means we get used to the new things that we have in our life – the good ones as well as the bad ones.

Therefore, the “happiness” money buyes is not long lasting.

There is actually a threshold of the happiness money can buy. Up to a certain point, it can, but once it exceeds the threshold, it cannot “buy” happiness.

Experts say that happiness does increase with wealth. But the correlation peaks at earning 75000$ per year.

Money is important. No doubt. But it’s not a necessity to be happy.

Here are two simple ways you can use to slow down the hedonic treadmill –

1. Be mindful of what you have. Bring your attention to the present. Feel those moments when you enjoy what you have and don’t take that for granted.

2. Try for a while to imagine your life without the stuff you have now, the people in your life now.

How do you feel?

Lonely, sad…?

Feel grateful for their presence. For the joy they bring to you.

Think about the good stuff your friends and family members have done for you and still do.

And… don’t forget to thank them♥️

I think… More than money, gratitude brings joy. What do you think?

Lemme know in the comments!

Hope you all are having a great day!😊

Questions you need to ask yourself before criticising

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

– Dale Carnegie

I agree 100% with Dale Carnegie.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

I’ve been criticised many times in my life. And I don’t remember one single criticism being “constructive”.

When someone criticises me I have (now) developed the habit to try to understand what exactly they want to say. But to be honest, I still hate the way they say it.

One friend of mine used to criticise me. Frequently.

After constantly hearing that – I felt like I could do nothing. I am good at nothing. I started overthinking her criticism. As she was a close friend of mine, it was hard for me to just let go of her opinions about me.

I don’t remember that criticism having any good impact on me.

In college however, my new friend believed in encouraging me. I remember making mistakes and she telling me how to get better without criticising.

I felt so good in her company. I enjoyed being with her more and I finally started working on myself.

And it just happened naturally, I mean if someone is caring so much for you, encouraging you, being kind to you, it’s hard not to improve.

Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement.

– Dale Carnegie

If you take a closer look at your life, tell me how many times were you actually improved because someone criticised you?

Remember that time when someone criticised you? Think about how you felt.

I think we should let go of the prospect of “constructive criticism” and stop criticising at all.

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s take a example –

You want your friend to bake a cake for you.

What would you do?

Would you shout at him for him being lazy all day and tell him to bake cake?

Or will you

Tell him that you’d be really happy if he could bake the cake for you, or that he bakes the best cakes in the town? (not flattery but genuine appreciation and encouragement)

Will you encourage the person to do so? Or criticise him?

The person is more likely to agree when encouraged.

Now put yourself in his shoes and think how would you like to be addressed.

I don’t doubt you would like to be encouraged.

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Criticism – The expression of disapproval of something or someone on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes (From – dictionary)

If this criticism, I don’t think how can this be uplifting or positive or “constructive”😂

If you don’t like something, it’s always nice to tell the concerned person in a good and kind manner. Willingness to understand their perspective and look for a solution together is what brings actual results.

Otherwise you are just being rude and insensitive and calling your talk “constructive criticism”. You are wasting your time being rude and harsh and hurting the other person and spreading a whole lot of negativity.

If you want to add suggestions of how to improve – Then they should sound and feel like suggestions.

Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.

– Dale Carnegie

It always surprises me that the people who come to criticise you.. never… never ever come to appreciate you.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s stop criticising others (and yourself) and start understanding them. (and yourself).

Because you don’t ‘win friends and influence people through criticism’. You do so by understanding and being kind.

Next time you’re about to criticise someone, ask yourself these questions –

1. What right do I have to criticise this person?
2. Can I state my opinion in a more kind way?
3. Have I walked in this person’s shoes?
4. Do I know what it feels like to be in their position?
5. Have I done it better in my own life?
6. Has anyone asked my opinion? Is it the right time to say this?
7. Can I be more understanding?
8. Am I spreading hate about someone I don’t even know?

Disclaimer – Be completely honest to yourself while answering these questions.

If you get satisfactory answers after asking this to yourself and still think/feel that criticising is the right thing to do –

Go-ahead and do it (at your own risk!)

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These were my honest views about criticism. I’m not against saying what you feel or giving suggestions – it does help people to improve. But I believe you can do that in a kind and understanding way. Without criticising.

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To be honest I haven’t received any criticism on this blog yet. I am so happy and blessed to have all of you who constantly encourage me and are kind to me.

You guys encourage me to keep doing what I do and get better at it.

I appreciate every single one of you.

A big ‘THANK-YOU!!‘

Sending love and hugs to you❤️

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Happiness in little things

Worst day ever

Today was absolute worst day ever

And don’t try to convince me that

There’s something good in every day

Because when you take a closer look

This world is a pretty evil place.

Even if

Some goodness does shine through once in a while

Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.

And it’s not true that

It’s all in the mind and heart

Because

True happiness can be obtained

Only if one’s surroundings are good

It’s not true that good exists

I’m sure you can agree that

The reality

Creates

My attitude

It’s all beyond my control

And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that

Today was a good day

*Now read from bottom to the top

-Chanie Gorkin

It’s always amazing to see the wonderful magic words can create.

The complete meaning of the poem changes when you read from bottom to top.

That’s just all about life.

It’s not about where you look, it’s about what you choose to see.

Even if in your whole day you did nothing good but came home and met your mom and ate the food she prepared, guess what?

You’re blessed!

If you really go on looking for good things in life, you will find millions of things! We really don’t pay that much attention to good things.

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Berné Brown is a psychologist. She did 12 years of research in psychology. She interviewed people who have been through horrific things, loss of children, violence, trauma. And she asked them what was the hardest loss?

And they never talked about the extraordinary things, they said I miss the ordinary moments. Like “I miss hearing the door slam and know my husband’s home from work, I miss my kids fighting in the backyard, I miss the way my wife set the table”

These are the moments which are right in front of our eyes everyday.

Why not stop and say – “Thank God, I’m grateful for this”

It’s the heartfelt gratitude that brings joy and it’s that joy that brings happiness.

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You cannot win competitions everyday to be happy, you cannot throw parties everyday to be happy, you cannot wait for this amazing new thing to happen in order to be happy.

You have happiness and joy right in front of you, just open your eyes and see!

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Simple recipe for happiness –

Step 1 – List down the things that being you joy. It can be little things. Like – playing guitar, dancing to Taylor Swift’s songs, baking a cake, drawing something, listening music, cuddling in a warm blanket and reading your favourite book….

Do as many things today as you can from that list.

Step 2 – Do something good for others. Like – bring flowers for your mom, help your dad with work, give chocolates to your younger brother or sister, make plans to spend time with your friends…

These small things bring immense joy and happiness

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Happiness is little things

Happiness is little things,

A book, a cup of tea,

A card or letter in the mail,

Especially for me.

To see a rosebush in full bloom,
Be warmed by glowing sun;
To snuggle in a cozy bed
When the day is done.

A good night’s rest, a brand new day,
The warmth of friendly hand;
A note, a smile, a touch, a hug,
Someone to understand.

Days of hope and hours of love,
Savoring each minute;
Happiness is in your heart
If thankfulness is in it.

– Viola Jacobson Berg

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I saw a video yesterday in which, Taylor Swift was saying this in her concert –

You need to look into the mirror in the morning and not tell yourself that you’re not good enough.

Here are the things you are actually not –
• You are not the opinion of somebody who doesn’t know you
• You are not damaged goods just because you’ve made mistakes in your life.
• You are not going nowhere just because you haven’t gotten where you want to go, yet.

Now I want to tell you things you really are –
• You are your own definition of beautiful and worthwhile.
• You are someone who’s wiser because you’ve made mistakes. Not damaged, wiser
• You are somebody who is going through stressful times and still has the ability to go on with things.

It’s not about perfection.
Sometimes it’s just about going on with things. Sometimes you get just get credit for getting up and going on with things.

– Taylor Swift

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Wishing you all a cheerful International Happiness Day!!

Hope you guys have a beautiful and blessed day ahead! 💖🌈💖

And don’t forget to smile! 😊

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The real “secret” about Law of Attraction

Let me begin by sharing what actually the law of attraction means –

Law of attraction is the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences into a person’s life.

Many people try to manifest everything they want into their lives by using this law.

Some of them think you should just have positive thoughts and think about everything you want as if you already have it and it will be granted.

But is just thinking about it enough?

Picture this –

You are really hungry. You want to eat pizza at night. You are imagining you have pizza, with lots of cheese, it’s all yours, you are taking the first bite, then the second… You are so happy!

Can just thinking this way fill your belly?

No.

So what do you do?

You at least have to get up from your couch and pick up the phone and order pizza!

Right?

Is just “thinking about it enough?”

One more thing – Law of attraction asks you to truly believe in what you want. It asks you to completely believe it’s yours. You have it.

So for example –

Let’s say you want a promotion next month.

You are more likely to believe that you will have it when you’re actually working hard and making progress.

You won’t believe you’ll have promotion if you were on leave for 10 days last month.

You are more likely to believe in your wish and attract stuff when you are actually working towards it.

Just believing without doing something is like saying –

“I know I have built a finance firm, it’s a great company and I am the CEO…..”

Without knowing a single thing about running a big company.

Use your logic at times my friends.

I don’t have anything against Law of attraction. I think it’s great. It really works. But you have to move along with your vibes.

I think actions and beliefs go hand in hand. The better you act, the stronger is your belief that you will have it. And the stronger your belief, the better you will act.

For example –

You say – “Taylor Swift is the best pop singer in the world! She’s so amazing, I love her….. (your belief)

But I don’t listen to her songs” (your action)

Such contradiction won’t happen right?😄

This is something I’ve learnt about the law of attraction.

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Moral of the story – Don’t use Law of attraction as an excuse to avoid work. You have to put your work where your mouth is.

And I say this again

(this is the real secret) –

The stronger you believe in your dreams, the harder you will work.

That’s just something I’ve seen in my life.

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Hope this was helpful guys!

It’s just my perspective about this topic. Yours may be different and that’s okay.

I’d love to hear your views on this topic.

Thank you for being here!❤️

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