When you are used to…

When you are used to getting rude remarks

Kindness seems like bliss

When you are used to hear him say “Oh I love you so much! Why do you always make me angry?”

It feels good when someone says “I am sorry, I was wrong. I won’t do that again. Please forgive me honey”

When you have experienced him insulting you in front of your friends,

It feels warm when someone gives you heartfelt praise in front of your friends

When you are used to him saying “This can’t work between us, I am done!”

It feels nice when someone says “I’m here to stay”

When you are used to him make you feel uncomfortable about your true self

You feel so happy when someone truly understands you and accepts you, just as you are

When you are used to hear him say “You will never be someone I deserve.. you are imperfect”

Your heart overflows with love when someone says “no one has felt you the way I have…”❤️

© Vrunda Chauk

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“I’ve been there too..”

I met this guy online.

I read his blogs and more than his thoughts, I liked his writing style, the way he expressed himself.

We started talking, first through comments and then we exchanged numbers.

In few weeks we became really good friends. We could easily connect with each other.

But there was a problem –

He speaks English very well, but he cannot speak Hindi so well.

And let me tell you – I don’t speak English fluently. It’s different while writing blogs, you get time to think and edit.

But I don’t have much experience of speaking in English. All my friends understand Hindi and Marathi. So you see… I don’t have that much opportunity to speak English in my daily life.

So when he offered to talk on call, I was really scared!😨

(What will he think of me when he realises I cannot speak fluently in English? would he continue to talk to me? I don’t want to loose his friendship.. Shit! I should’ve practiced this.. How can I be so dumb?! I am clearly not enough, I am ashamed of myself )

I couldn’t figure out what to do. But I decided I should be honest with him and let him see my flaws.

It was hard. I thought I might loose him, loose our friendship.

But I made a choice. I had two options – Be fake and hide and continue with him or Be authentic and vulnerable and risk loosing him.

I chose the second option.

Finally, we talked on call, I told him I’m not so good at speaking English.. and to my surprise… he understood me and didn’t belittle me

(Actually I thought he was a nice guy and had this feeling that he won’t judge me.. turns out.. I was right!)

I did most of the talk in Hindi, I told him I’m comfortable with it and he said he understood Hindi. He replied in English. That was weird actually… Haha…

But that was a really fun conversation! We spoke many times after that and now I’m practicing speaking in English with him and he’s trying to improve his Hindi with me.

Now he could have judged me for not speaking well in English and made himself feel good…. But he didn’t. He understood what it meant to not be able to speak a language fluently (as he had problems with Hindi)

So instead of making me feel bad about myself, he chose to be vulnerable about his flaws and lent me a helping hand.

Why I chose to share this?

Well I am reading a book of Bernè Brown, she’s a shame and vulnerability researcher.

And this incident resonated with what she had shared…

The solution to being stuck in shame is not to denigrate others stuck just like us, but to join hands and pull free together.

-Berne Brown

He literally did this for me. Not being able to speak a widely used language brings shame, but it can be overthrown if we share our own story and support each other.

If we’re going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light.

– Bernè Brown


Okay, so this wasn’t example of extreme shame and distress, but you get the point.

That’s more important! 🙂


Questions you need to ask yourself before criticising

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

– Dale Carnegie

I agree 100% with Dale Carnegie.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

I’ve been criticised many times in my life. And I don’t remember one single criticism being “constructive”.

When someone criticises me I have (now) developed the habit to try to understand what exactly they want to say. But to be honest, I still hate the way they say it.

One friend of mine used to criticise me. Frequently.

After constantly hearing that – I felt like I could do nothing. I am good at nothing. I started overthinking her criticism. As she was a close friend of mine, it was hard for me to just let go of her opinions about me.

I don’t remember that criticism having any good impact on me.

In college however, my new friend believed in encouraging me. I remember making mistakes and she telling me how to get better without criticising.

I felt so good in her company. I enjoyed being with her more and I finally started working on myself.

And it just happened naturally, I mean if someone is caring so much for you, encouraging you, being kind to you, it’s hard not to improve.

Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement.

– Dale Carnegie

If you take a closer look at your life, tell me how many times were you actually improved because someone criticised you?

Remember that time when someone criticised you? Think about how you felt.

I think we should let go of the prospect of “constructive criticism” and stop criticising at all.

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s take a example –

You want your friend to bake a cake for you.

What would you do?

Would you shout at him for him being lazy all day and tell him to bake cake?

Or will you

Tell him that you’d be really happy if he could bake the cake for you, or that he bakes the best cakes in the town? (not flattery but genuine appreciation and encouragement)

Will you encourage the person to do so? Or criticise him?

The person is more likely to agree when encouraged.

Now put yourself in his shoes and think how would you like to be addressed.

I don’t doubt you would like to be encouraged.


Criticism – The expression of disapproval of something or someone on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes (From – dictionary)

If this criticism, I don’t think how can this be uplifting or positive or “constructive”😂

If you don’t like something, it’s always nice to tell the concerned person in a good and kind manner. Willingness to understand their perspective and look for a solution together is what brings actual results.

Otherwise you are just being rude and insensitive and calling your talk “constructive criticism”. You are wasting your time being rude and harsh and hurting the other person and spreading a whole lot of negativity.

If you want to add suggestions of how to improve – Then they should sound and feel like suggestions.

Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.

– Dale Carnegie

It always surprises me that the people who come to criticise you.. never… never ever come to appreciate you.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s stop criticising others (and yourself) and start understanding them. (and yourself).

Because you don’t ‘win friends and influence people through criticism’. You do so by understanding and being kind.

Next time you’re about to criticise someone, ask yourself these questions –

  1. What right do I have to criticise this person?
  2. Can I state my opinion in a more kind way?
  3. Have I walked in this person’s shoes?
  4. Do I know what it feels like to be in their position?
  5. Have I done it better in my own life?
  6. Has anyone asked my opinion? Is it the right time to say this?
  7. Can I be more understanding?
  8. Am I spreading hate about someone I don’t even know?

Disclaimer – Be completely honest to yourself while answering these questions.

If you get satisfactory answers after asking this to yourself and still think/feel that criticising is the right thing to do –

Go-ahead and do it (at your own risk!)


These were my honest views about criticism. I’m not against saying what you feel or giving suggestions – it does help people to improve. But I believe you can do that in a kind and understanding way. Without criticising.


To be honest I haven’t received any criticism on this blog yet. I am so happy and blessed to have all of you who constantly encourage me and are kind to me.

You guys encourage me to keep doing what I do and get better at it.

I appreciate every single one of you.

A big ‘THANK-YOU!!

Sending love and hugs to you❤️


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