Questions you need to ask yourself before criticising

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

– Dale Carnegie

I agree 100% with Dale Carnegie.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

I’ve been criticised many times in my life. And I don’t remember one single criticism being “constructive”.

When someone criticises me I have (now) developed the habit to try to understand what exactly they want to say. But to be honest, I still hate the way they say it.

One friend of mine used to criticise me. Frequently.

After constantly hearing that – I felt like I could do nothing. I am good at nothing. I started overthinking her criticism. As she was a close friend of mine, it was hard for me to just let go of her opinions about me.

I don’t remember that criticism having any good impact on me.

In college however, my new friend believed in encouraging me. I remember making mistakes and she telling me how to get better without criticising.

I felt so good in her company. I enjoyed being with her more and I finally started working on myself.

And it just happened naturally, I mean if someone is caring so much for you, encouraging you, being kind to you, it’s hard not to improve.

Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement.

– Dale Carnegie

If you take a closer look at your life, tell me how many times were you actually improved because someone criticised you?

Remember that time when someone criticised you? Think about how you felt.

I think we should let go of the prospect of “constructive criticism” and stop criticising at all.

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s take a example –

You want your friend to bake a cake for you.

What would you do?

Would you shout at him for him being lazy all day and tell him to bake cake?

Or will you

Tell him that you’d be really happy if he could bake the cake for you, or that he bakes the best cakes in the town? (not flattery but genuine appreciation and encouragement)

Will you encourage the person to do so? Or criticise him?

The person is more likely to agree when encouraged.

Now put yourself in his shoes and think how would you like to be addressed.

I don’t doubt you would like to be encouraged.


Criticism – The expression of disapproval of something or someone on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes (From – dictionary)

If this criticism, I don’t think how can this be uplifting or positive or “constructive”😂

If you don’t like something, it’s always nice to tell the concerned person in a good and kind manner. Willingness to understand their perspective and look for a solution together is what brings actual results.

Otherwise you are just being rude and insensitive and calling your talk “constructive criticism”. You are wasting your time being rude and harsh and hurting the other person and spreading a whole lot of negativity.

If you want to add suggestions of how to improve – Then they should sound and feel like suggestions.

Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.

– Dale Carnegie

It always surprises me that the people who come to criticise you.. never… never ever come to appreciate you.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

– Dale Carnegie

Let’s stop criticising others (and yourself) and start understanding them. (and yourself).

Because you don’t ‘win friends and influence people through criticism’. You do so by understanding and being kind.

Next time you’re about to criticise someone, ask yourself these questions –

  1. What right do I have to criticise this person?
  2. Can I state my opinion in a more kind way?
  3. Have I walked in this person’s shoes?
  4. Do I know what it feels like to be in their position?
  5. Have I done it better in my own life?
  6. Has anyone asked my opinion? Is it the right time to say this?
  7. Can I be more understanding?
  8. Am I spreading hate about someone I don’t even know?

Disclaimer – Be completely honest to yourself while answering these questions.

If you get satisfactory answers after asking this to yourself and still think/feel that criticising is the right thing to do –

Go-ahead and do it (at your own risk!)


These were my honest views about criticism. I’m not against saying what you feel or giving suggestions – it does help people to improve. But I believe you can do that in a kind and understanding way. Without criticising.


To be honest I haven’t received any criticism on this blog yet. I am so happy and blessed to have all of you who constantly encourage me and are kind to me.

You guys encourage me to keep doing what I do and get better at it.

I appreciate every single one of you.

A big ‘THANK-YOU!!

Sending love and hugs to you❤️


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Note to self – 3 (healthy perspective)

There are so many ways to look at things. In fact there are many many different perspectives about one single thing.

Sometimes we don’t know the truth or we partially know the truth and we assume the rest.

For example –
You didn’t get selected in a interview.

There can be many reasons!

What do you tell yourself?

What are your thoughts?

“I’m not good enough.. I don’t have the necessary skills… I don’t think I’ll ever get the job”

Now these can be your immediate thoughts… I get it. 90% people might have this as their first response

But problem arises when you stick to those thoughts for… days, months or even years!

Can you imagine? You let that one single failure, one problem, one thought define your entire life.

You need to ask yourself –

Will thinking in this way help me?

Here’s “the story” you need to tell yourself –

Dear me,

I think you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. There are so many other ways to look at this.

I realise this is not the end of the world. I have many chances ahead of me. I won’t give up.

I’m just getting started. I might face some difficulties but I need to keep going and hope for the best.

I believe it’s me who has the power to choose my perspective. I choose the optimistic perspective. It may or may not turn out well, but its much better than having pessimist attitude and giving up.

By looking at the bright side I will at least get the motivation to keep going. Which I need the most right now.

And who knows…
Some problems are a blessing in disguise! 😉

You are blessed honey!

With love,
Me

Different stages of love and relationships

I have a collection of beautiful and meaningful quotes that I like to read for support and encouragement while going through a particular phase of life. I am a Quodophile I guess…. 😄

But these quotes, these messages really uplift me during tough times and make me smile during happy ones.

So, here are the different stages of relationship and the quotes that relate to that particular phase. You might resonate with them, you may be inspired by them, or you might just feel that you’re not alone in this. Others experience the same struggle as you do.

Either way, I hope you find them helpful. 😊

Happily single

Okay so I want to start with singles. This is the stage when you realise you need to simply wait for the right person. You have finally understood it’s better than being in a wrong relationship.

It might be a lesson you’ve learnt after being in a toxic relationship or you just don’t want to settle and are waiting for the right person.

This quote expresses my feelings about this stage –

God, I surrender my heart to You and ask You to keep it safe until it’s time for me to give it away. I am grateful for every time I didn’t settle for anything less than Your best for me. In the lonely times and the uncertain times, help me remember that with You, nothing, especially love – arrives too soon or too late, but right on time.

– Mandy Hale

About to leave a toxic relationship

This stage is so important after suffering the pain, betrayal, disappointment and all. If you have realised that you need to step of this relationship, here’s something to help you –

I exhaled you. You are no longer in control of what I feel. You are no longer a weight clinging to the back of my throat. I let you go. I set you free. And giving you your pair of wings was the best decision I ever made for myself. I am fuller now. Brighter. Lighter. I am me. And I have never been more complete than I am now.

– R. M. Drake

Falling in love with yourself

This is a very beautiful kinda stage. You give yourself love, care and attention you’ve been needing for so long. You work on improving the relationship you have with yourself. (If you are, trust me it’s gonna be so beneficial to you in the long run). Once you love yourself completely and unconditionally, once you understand yourself, once you start enjoying your company, you realise you don’t need anyone to complete you.

I love this quote that reminds me to do the same –

Be alone. Eat alone. Take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.

– Bianca Sparacino

When you are figuring out why they left

This.. is painful. You don’t know whom to trust, what to do, everything is shattered. You don’t trust love anymore, you feel…. Lost…. Completely utterly lost…

This is something I want to share with you –

It took me a long time to realise that not everything in life is meant to be a beautiful story. Not every person we feel something deep and moving with is meant to make a home within us, is meant to be a forever. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us how to love and sometimes, people come into our lives our lives to teach us how not to love.

How not to settle, how not to shrink ourselves ever again. Yes sometimes people leave – but that’s okay, because their lessons always stay and that is what matters. That is what remains.

– Bianca Sparacino

When you realise love isn’t the only thing you want

This happens when you realise that he/she might be someone you love, but not someone you can spend your life with.

You need something more, in a relationship.

For her, love always fell into that little space between regret and hope. When someone awakened that part of her, she always hung on a little too long, or a little too hard. And some would say that’s what you do with love – hang on. But she’d been alive long enough now to understand that love is only a foundation – a building block. And it needs something else – many something elses – to glue it together so other it sticks enough to build a life on.

– Emma Grace

When you finally realise this isn’t what you want (though you thought you did)

Ahhh…. There comes a time when you realise that even though you thought you wanted him/her forever, you no longer do.

Situations have changed, you have changed, they have changed and now you know yourself much better. And now you are confused about what to do – you have invested yourself so much emotionally into this relationship, getting out of it suddenly sounds strange.

But now, somehow being in relationship doesn’t feel right either.

It’s okay to change your mind, to make mistakes, to walk away from someone you once loved – from something that once meant the world to you. It’s okay, because this is your life, your cause, your body, your beliefs, your mind, your heart and your feelings. And you don’t need validation from no one, other than you and I hope it doesn’t take you a lifetime to realise that.

– R.M.Drake

Meeting your soulmate

This is the best part in everyone’s life I guess. It’s when you realise –

No, a soulmate does not complete you – they inspire you to complete yourself. A soulmate is the person who supports your direction, who motivates and encourages you to stretch, to change, to reinvent yourself until you are happy. A soulmate is someone is someone who loves you with so much conviction and so much heart, that it is nearly impossible to doubt just how capable you are of becoming exactly who you have always wanted to be.

– Bianca Sparacino

The Commitment

It’s when you two have finally decided to stay together and enjoy each other’s company for lifetime. You know it’s not easy, but you want to be together through life’s up and downs.

So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard, we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me…. Everyday.

– Nicholas Sparks

The long lasting love and relationship

This is when you are happily engaged. You have formed that deep, passionate, beautiful connection. You know that no matter what happens you two ain’t gonna give up on each other.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give you forever.

– Nicholas Sparks

Happy Valentine’s Week friends!!❤️

No matter which stage you are in, remember there is love all around. Spread Love❤️ Be love.

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