The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
– M. Scott Peck
First of all, I think it is impossible to be happy/ think in a positive way 24×7.
As positive emotions are natural, negative emotions too are natural. They hurt, yes. You feel bad. But that is necessary in many cases. Like for example, when you eat too much and do not work out, your body, stomach starts paining. That’s a negative emotion, pain. But it is teaching you something important. Take care of your body.
These negative STOP signals are so important in life.
When we do something bad, we feel guilty for a reason. We do not want to feel guilty or shameful but that is necessary because we did not behave in a nice way.
Some thorns are there to stop you so that you don’t fall off the bridge. If you go on cutting every thorn, anyone could fall off from the bridge.
There are negative things in life. There is no denial in that. Death, heartbreaks, pain, anger, etc.
So it is natural that negative emotions should also be a part of our feelings.
When someone feels bad, do not try to numb that feeling, do not try to make that person happy, immediately. Sometimes it means more comfort when you sit with that person and share the grief.
All bad emotions that lead to good changes are necessary.
We humans learn better from pain than from joy. That is why we are given some painful incidents from time to time.
What man actually needs is not a tensionless state, but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.
– Viktor Frankl
Bad experiences also keep us from taking the good ones for granted. They help us cultivate gratitude for all the good things we have in life.
Sometimes, there is nothing for you to learn, it wasn’t your fault, but you are still feeling heartbroken, experiencing grief, pain.
I understand, no one can do anything about these things. But you do not need to try to be happy immediately or based on this one incident label yourself as a unhappy, sad person.
Try practicing self compassion. Mindful empathy. Confide in your loved ones. That will help you slowly and gradually move towards positive emotions.
And that is healthy!
There is this beautiful poem by Rumi that I love –
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.