This is the reason you are not happy

I remember the time when I went on my first date with my boyfriend.

It was a beautiful rooftop restaurant with delicious food and pleasant music.

I was happy. Of course.

But the thing is that we are in a long distance relationship and don’t see eachother often, so on this date I was worried about how I am looking and what should I be talking about… I was clearly nervous and self conscious.

“maybe I should sit with my legs crossed.. and what to do with my hands.. and how am I looking? Should I go for a quick touchup? What should I talk about? Am I laughing too loud.. what will he think about me”

I was so busy with this “inner chatter” that I feel bad that I didn’t enjoy the moment to the fullest.

There are many things that would have been much better if I could just be in the moment and take it all in.

I really regret not enjoying that date because after that we couldn’t meet for eight months.

I really wanted to enjoy that date

I was planning for weeks!

I am so in love with this man and I wanted everything to be perfect

But in the hurry and flurry of making everything perfect I forgot to enjoy things as they were

I was so busy thinking about other stuff, about planning the next move and interpreting what he was thinking that I didn’t really pay attention to our conversations and I couldn’t recall the songs we heard the next day.

I felt so bad for messing up that beautiful moment and not really enjoying what was in front of me.

Doesn’t this happen most of the time?

I mean not like we messup every date

But like we’re constantly having this endless inner chatter in our mind!

We constantly keep thinking about things of how they could be or should be instead of accepting wholeheartedly and enjoying the way they are.

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Maybe this is the key of happiness. It’s not even much about finding or creating the happy moments it’s just about being open.

Being open and let happiness unfold itself.

Being open and enjoying all the little things in day to day life that make you happy.

Being open to the fact that happiness/ pleasant moments are fleeting but it’s okay.

Being open to the fact that you can also create as many happy and positive moments as you want in your life.

Being open to find happiness and joy even in the most unexpected ways (mundane things for example)

Being open and thinking that even if things don’t go according to plan what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll laugh and think back on this memory years later with a smile on your face.

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Whether or not you experience positivity depends vitally on how you think. Positive emotions – like all emotions – arise from how you interpret events and ideas as they unfold. They depend on whether you allow yourself to take a moment to find the good – and on whether once you have found it, you pump that goodness up and let it grow.

– Barbara Fredrickson

Also there’s this another interesting quote I found by her.

If you want to reshape your life for the better, the secret is not to grasp positivity too firmly, denying it’s transient nature. Rather it’s to send more of it into your life – to increase your quantity of positivity over time.

– Barbara Fredrickson

Reading this quote made think about this incident. And I forgave myself for not enjoying that one date and moving forward to create even better memories together.

Positive emotions are fleeting and we need to stop trying to hold on to them but to be open and let them flow. Try to increase positive experiences.

And be mindful in that moment when you see sparks of positivity and happiness.