How to really make good connections?

You are standing in the room with people all around you. But you still look into your phone.

You don’t know people around you and you are barely making an effort to get to know them.

You feel like no one is paying attention to you.

You think they don’t like you.

You feel like you don’t belong here.

You feel nervous.

You don’t know what to say or do.

While they think you are shy.

They think you are too proud to mix with them.

They think you don’t like them.

Have you ever been in this situation?

I have. Many a times.

I didn’t really knew how to make connections or how to just go there and talk to people. (strangers)

Even if there are many aspects of this situation and many self help books will tell you “exactly” what you need to do in this case.

But here I want to talk about something very basic. Something without which nothing you do will truly matter. No tricks. Just mindset.

Now imagine the same scenario.

You are in a room of people you don’t know.

But suddenly you get a call from a friend you haven’t seen a long time. You both chat happily for a while. And plan to catch up this weekend.

As you keep the phone down, there is a wide smile on your face. You’re so excited to meet her and just can’t stop imagining happy moments you two might create.

Now look at the people in front of you.

Do you still feel the same?

Scared? Anxious?

No! Chances are you will strike up a conversation with the bartender. Or maybe ask someone for directions without feeling awkward. Or maybe you’ll notice someone at work you do know in this crowd and go talk to that person.

The point is – when you experience any positive emotion, you are more likely to be social.

I was reading this interesting research by Barbara Fredrickson and I found which said –

Studies suggest a boost of oxytocin under difficult situations, helps you lower cortisol the “so called” stress hormone and you’d behave more positively, both verbally by disclosing your feelings and non verbally by making more eye contact and friendly gestures.

– Barbara Fredrickson

This Oxytocin is called the Calm and Connect hormone.

Just as Cortisol is said to initiate the Fight or Flight response.

Oxytocin calms down your fears and helps you connect with others.

They also conducted a study where the participants were told to give a speech within few minutes to a big audience. The situation was stressful. They divided the participants into two groups. They showed a short clip inducing happy feelings to one group and a short clip inducing negative or neutral feelings to another group. The group who saw the happy clip were far more relaxed and calm by the time they gave the speech.

There was no such calming effect on the other group.

I could relate to this research because I have been in that situation many times. And I know what I lack most at that time is cheerfulness, enthusiasm that I see around me. I am in a panic state and can’t get anything right. Maybe I’ll drop the glass, or I’ll leave my phone on the chair…. basically I’ll loose my mind in that case.

But when I am happy or at a party I really want to be I try to find ways to interact with others even if it is simply “asking for directions” I try to strike up a conversation.

So in that situation what you need the most is –

some Oxytocin.

Just one happy memory or one moment of connection with someone you like to put you in a good mood. And then you can “be brave” and look at people in the eye and try talking to them.

22 responses to “How to really make good connections?”

    1. I was thrilled to know this too!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Athira! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always welcome Vrunda

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hope we are following each other


  1. Now, all we need is – the right friend to call us on our phone at a boring party. I’ll send you my party schedule for next month Vru, tomorrow 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahaha.. Savio!!!
      We’ll talk soon


  2. I tested this for myself too. Whenever I worried about talking to people, I felt bad and did not get involved in anything going on in the gathering. When I tried to be happy in that moment, it changed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah! Wonderful trick isn’t it! 😅
      Thanks for sharing your experience Betul! Much appreciated ♥️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot! 🙂


  3. HeHE ‘Some People’ (Most All People)
    Wonder Why i Dance In Public Everywhere
    i Go Now 14,088 Miles in 87 Months Well Some



    Some Folks



    Folks Eat

    i Dance Now

    Sing For Generating Unlimited

    Levels of Oxytocin, Serotonin,
    Dopamine, And Even Adrenaline
    Hormones For Excitement As i Please

    Yes Through Bio-Feedback Mastering Within

    Yes Regulating Emotions Integrating Senses

    All This Way Same As Our Ancestors Do

    Before they Replace Dance

    And Song Now With

    All The Replacement

    Additives They

    Purchase to

    Give What

    Away Free
    Yes Autotelic

    Flow of Heaven Within Now

    Easily Seeing Breathing ALiVE iN Free Verse Dance
    And Song River Without Even Any Scientific Terms

    Of Course With Dance Not Even A Word Required

    Yet On Course Even If We Don’t Speak When

    We Dance

    We Naturally


    As It’s True


    SMiLE Is A Dance

    To Give And Share Free..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yesss ♥️ so beautifully said

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks FRiEnD
        Vrunda Stay
        Safe Well
        Love Tale
        Your Story True🙌🤗


  4. I can definitely relate! I’m going to give this a try the next time I find myself in a similar situation

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yess! I am so glad you found it helpful 😃♥️


  5. Hi, I’d like to let you know that your article has been featured in the self-help section of this article:

    I used to struggle with a bit of anxiety in social situations. (I wouldn’t call it social anxiety, since I don’t think it was at the level that you could call it a disorder.) I wish I had that article back then. This is really good advice. Naturally, I had to share it with others!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing Jenna. It really means a lot! I am so glad you found this helpful, you know this is the kind of stuff that makes me thrilled to learn too! Even I have felt social awkwardness many times.
      Thank you for sharing this with larger community and helping them as well♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️


      1. I think it’s wonderful advice, so as I work on building a community to share help and support, I want to include tips like it! It’s something I never thought of trying, but maybe now I’ll try it in the future. I’m adjusting to life at work and it isn’t always easy. Luckily, I get to work from home while quarantined with family, so my favorite people are usually around for hugs and advice if I need a quick break.


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