How do you motivate others?

“if you don’t study hard, you will end up broke and unemployed. look at your friends how good they are doing, everyone is studying at least 13-15 hours a day. and you don’t even know what to do with your life! time is running out. you better figure it out now or else it will be too late.

you don’t really work hard. you think you study and you want to study but all you do is get distracted and regret. commitment, dedication is required to be successful. you will end up like a big looser if you don’t take this seriously now. this is the time. you can make or break your career.”

Doesn’t this sound more like criticism than encouragement?

I used to receive such advices or “motivation” from my friends all the time.

Though they meant well, I knew this motivation didn’t last long.

I felt bad and studied well for the next few days, then again I would loose the will to study hard further.

Doesn’t this happen all the time?

But still, we always try to motivate the person in this way. Because we think that making them aware of the “harsh reality” will encourage them to do better.

Deep down we know it doesn’t.

So what works?

In Psychology, we have been taught about the push and pull motivators.

Push is when you feel compelled to do something against your will. You are pushed to do something.

The opposite is pull.

This is when the goal itself pulls you. You take efforts to achieve the goal because you want to. Not because of what everyone said but because you really want to do it.

As you might have guessed,

Pull motivators work most of the time.

When you genuinely realise how important the goal is to you, you are willing to take efforts in that direction.

This works 99% of the time for most of the people.

Next time when you want to motivate someone, or even yourself, try to remind them how important this is for them

Better still, ask questions and let them describe how important the goal is for them.

Then in kind words encourage them to take actions. Make them belive that they can do it. That you trust them.

(Trust is also a good motivator btw)

When they know you’re counting on them to succeed, not in a only-success-is-expected way but a little nicer, I know you can do it well way, they are more likely to make effort and give you the expected results.

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– How was your day?

– Good. I studied as expected. I feel productive.

– Oh good. I didn’t really get anything done today. My cousins came over and I had to go for a friend’s birthday party

– That’s okay! You know this is important too. Spending time with your friends and family. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just don’t give up effort. Study well tomorrow