Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been had I not taken the road less travelled by, had I stayed with him.
He was my first love. The most pure and unconditional love I felt was for him. We were great together, rarely got into fights and when we did, we resolved it well. We had strong communication and expressed feelings honestly, I guess that helped.
One more thing. He was rich. Super rich. And I belonged to a middle class family. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t even knew about this earlier, and when I did, it didn’t interfere with the love that I already felt for him.
He promised me a lot of things. He wasn’t the type of person who promises a lot but hardly fulfills. When he says something, he gets it done (mostly).
He promised me have we been married – he would love me and only me with his whole heart. He promised to make every day of our lives the best and even when were 80 years old he would still be attracted to me physically.. for once I was startled and looked into his eyes and in them I saw nothing but love.
He was everything I ever wanted and more… much more. He was so good, it felt like a dream come true! And the funny thing was – I was his dreamgirl too!
Me! Seriously me! Among all the wonderful women out there, he chose me! I was so damn happy the day I knew that he too, felt the same for me.
Had I married him, I know I would have been really happy. A great husband, kind and caring in-laws. A wonderful and happy family.
It’s all a girl dreams about isn’t it?
But there was one more thing I wanted – The freedom to pursue my dreams.
That, unfortunately, he wasn’t going to able to give to me.
His parents wanted a girl who would hold their family together, take care of husband and follow the rules.
I did not fit into the type.
I struggled a lot to make the decision that I have made now -To pursue my passion and my dreams.
My parents have always encouraged me to be independent and do what I love.
Can I give up all that? All my ambitions, dreams? For the man that I love from the deepest core of my heart?
I thought about it. In fact, I was even ready to forget everything and be with him. On some days it felt like nothing else mattered more in my life than having him by my side. Sleeping in his arms every night and waking up to see his beautiful face every morning, taking care of him, cooking for him, hugging him and cuddling after a long day at work.
All this seemed like a paradise to me.
Just one tiny problem – probably I wouldn’t be my real self.
Could I live like that?
Maybe yes, for a few years. But then it would start feeling like suffocation. How long was I going to be to able to suppress my true self? Even if I am with the man I love, will I be able to keep him happy when I myself am not satisfied?
The good thing is he encouraged me to make this decision to fulfill my dreams and work on my passion. Because no matter what he truly loved me to and wanted to see me grow.
I am not even sure if I will be able to do this without him, but I know one thing for sure, even if I can’t keep him in my life, he will always stay in my heart.
“You’ll get someone much better than me” one day he said to convince me
When I looked into his eyes, at that moment I knew no one could love me the way he did.
(P.S – this is purely fictional)
Vrunda Chauk 
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