Love and ambitions

Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been had I not taken the road less travelled by, had I stayed with him.

He was my first love. The most pure and unconditional love I felt was for him. We were great together, rarely got into fights and when we did, we resolved it well. We had strong communication and expressed feelings honestly, I guess that helped.

One more thing. He was rich. Super rich. And I belonged to a middle class family. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t even knew about this earlier, and when I did, it didn’t interfere with the love that I already felt for him.

He promised me a lot of things. He wasn’t the type of person who promises a lot but hardly fulfills. When he says something, he gets it done (mostly).

He promised me have we been married – he would love me and only me with his whole heart. He promised to make every day of our lives the best and even when were 80 years old he would still be attracted to me physically.. for once I was startled and looked into his eyes and in them I saw nothing but love.

He was everything I ever wanted and more… much more. He was so good, it felt like a dream come true! And the funny thing was – I was his dreamgirl too!

Me! Seriously me! Among all the wonderful women out there, he chose me! I was so damn happy the day I knew that he too, felt the same for me.

Had I married him, I know I would have been really happy. A great husband, kind and caring in-laws. A wonderful and happy family.

It’s all a girl dreams about isn’t it?

But there was one more thing I wanted – The freedom to pursue my dreams.

That, unfortunately, he wasn’t going to able to give to me.

His parents wanted a girl who would hold their family together, take care of husband and follow the rules.

I did not fit into the type.

I struggled a lot to make the decision that I have made now -To pursue my passion and my dreams.

My parents have always encouraged me to be independent and do what I love.

Can I give up all that? All my ambitions, dreams? For the man that I love from the deepest core of my heart?

I thought about it. In fact, I was even ready to forget everything and be with him. On some days it felt like nothing else mattered more in my life than having him by my side. Sleeping in his arms every night and waking up to see his beautiful face every morning, taking care of him, cooking for him, hugging him and cuddling after a long day at work.

All this seemed like a paradise to me.

Just one tiny problem – probably I wouldn’t be my real self.

Could I live like that?

Maybe yes, for a few years. But then it would start feeling like suffocation. How long was I going to be to able to suppress my true self? Even if I am with the man I love, will I be able to keep him happy when I myself am not satisfied?

The good thing is he encouraged me to make this decision to fulfill my dreams and work on my passion. Because no matter what he truly loved me to and wanted to see me grow.

I am not even sure if I will be able to do this without him, but I know one thing for sure, even if I can’t keep him in my life, he will always stay in my heart.

“You’ll get someone much better than me” one day he said to convince me

When I looked into his eyes, at that moment I knew no one could love me the way he did.


(P.S – this is purely fictional)

20 thoughts on “Love and ambitions

      1. How very sound to put loving yourself first!!! When I met the love of my life, what I appreciated above all else, was his determination to support me into becoming all that I ever could be. He could see in me potential I never even suspected and steadfastly supported my every tentative step. To me that IS true love and frredom to be. 💖

        Liked by 2 people

      2. You are fortunate to have someone like him. Not all people find love that way even after giving his/her true love to them. I feel, loving your own self first gives us courage to see the world in a new way altogether and that’s how we become a better person everyday 😊😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Great Work Vrunda! Your post reminds me of the classic conundrum our generation faces every single day- Choose the easy option or do the right thing instead.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. SMiLes, Love Or Ambition; No Separation for
    me, expanding Human Potential to Touch this
    Love Within, Inside, Outside, Above So Below
    All Around; Yes, but to make money to
    buy Stuff; A Bigger Home;
    A Bigger Truck; as OMG
    NO; You Should See How
    Big the Trucks are
    in Front of Trailers
    In Some places where i Live…
    Reading Your Story; Seeing Your
    Perfect Love as Yes as always now
    Your Wonderful Writing Skills Have me believing
    the Whole Story is Real and Not Fiction, indeed; So
    i thought about Love And the Priest at the Church We
    Visit that will Never Own me as i am Nature and i Breathe
    Free, Suggests that Love is only the RIGHT Thing to Do; Yes,
    Tradition As prescribed and not even a Feeling Dismissing
    Feelings as
    if they
    Hold
    No
    Value at
    All but True…
    Do We Sacrifice
    Our Lives for the ones
    We Love Most, Because
    it is the Right thing to Do;
    Hell No, and Heaven’s yes
    it is the Flame Within that
    Burns Our LoVE iN Others
    We Understand Will Live
    On When We Sacrifice
    Our Life For Others;
    When We Break
    All the Rules
    of Tradition
    So Love
    Will
    Continue Breathing;
    Yet, i refrained from Sounding
    Like a Lion Roaring from the Back
    Row, “Man, What the Hell are You Thinking;
    Does the Right thing to do NOW Lay down its
    Life for all, or is it the Eternal Flame of Love
    Burning within For All, INnately Understanding
    FEELING That All We Leave Behind is the Love We Give;
    Such A Powerful Force This All Empathic Feeling for everyone
    Agape Love Is, leaving a True Hero no Choice but to lay His Life
    Down for the
    Force
    of
    Love
    To continue
    on in the Garden Breathing
    of His Loved ones Free,”
    So You See, For me, the
    Only Ambition i Truly Have
    is to Spread Love; Not Because
    it is the ‘Right thing to Do’ but because
    it is the Bonfire Inside that only Will Spread more…
    Yet, it’s true, sadly the previous Weeks 1, 2, and 3;
    the First Week, i told the Priest, if we really Believe
    in the Sanctity of Life, We Will Mandate the Wear
    of Masks in all Masses to Protect the Sanctity of
    All Breathing Life and he turned away and instead
    had the Choir Director Specifically announce, You
    Don’t have to Wear Masks in this Mass; Yet Yes,
    All that Mandate would have done otherwise
    is Save Lives with a tiny lift of a small cross;
    a cotton sacrifice that surely did not mean
    Laying Down Our Life for
    another Human
    Being; only
    lifting
    A Small
    Mask to one’s
    Face for an Hour or less…
    Anyway, some folks Wore Masks;
    But When the President and the Governor
    Kept on Modeling Unmasked Behavior, the
    Congregation became bolder, Risking the Lives
    of Everyone else around them… sitting next to
    my Wife… the Priest was listing Garments required
    for Love; And like a Lion from the Back Row and Trust
    me, hehe, even when i sneeze, it sounds like a Shot-Gun Blast
    Going off; sadly, making the Elderly Ladies Probably Pee on their
    Selves; but somedays, You just make a ‘Cosmic Sneeze’ HaPPeN; it just comes…
    Anyway, i ROARED,
    “WEAR A MASK!”
    The Unmasked
    Turned
    around
    And Turned
    Away and the
    Next Week there
    Were no Seats next
    to sit safe with other Folks
    Wearing a Mask; so i said to the Usher
    Seating me, i Will Not Sit Here Where Folks do
    Not Respect the Sanctity of Life Breathing; Not
    For me; but for those Loved ones and Friends
    And Even Strangers Who might suffer for what
    The Unmasked Congregation in Ignorance Brings to me AND OTHERS; So, the Priest Wearing no Mask
    to Greet Us leaving the Church, with no Respect For the Sanctity of Breathing Life; Then i told the
    Priest, i will not sit here in a Place that does not Protect the Sanctity of Breathing Life…
    Yet, One Mass Mandated Masks, So i visited there again on Saturday Afternoon and
    the Priest was tasked with breaking the News to the Congregation that the Pope And
    the Catholic Church IS Doing the ‘Right Thing For Love’ And Promoting
    The Civil Union of Gay Folks to Become Part of the ‘Catholic Family’;
    And then i thought about my
    Mother and my
    Father
    And
    How Her
    Only Ambition
    was to stay home
    And take care of us,
    Her Loving Children;
    Yet my Father Wanted
    A Wife to make
    money for Him;
    So He left
    and found
    one like
    that and
    Left my Mother
    to Fend for Her Young
    And Work too; i had already
    made it through ages 1 through 3
    with Her; Yet, my Sister had to Spend
    One year in a Nursery Alone and
    Ever Since then i have been the
    Happier one and she is the one
    Who Trusts the rest of the
    World Less for a
    Child
    Will
    always
    Feel the
    most Pain
    When the Bond
    Now of Parent and
    Child is Broken Young
    And Left in the Hands
    of a Stranger in a Crib
    All alone to See; it’s Reality,
    The Same thing Happens with
    Little Monkeys too, in fact, if totally
    Abandoned By Loving Nurturing Parents, specifically Mother;
    they die, they just die from the lack OF FEELING LOVE
    FOR YOU SEE as i wanted to Yell out this Long Story
    to the Priest, “You have NOT even risen to make Love
    The Size of the Little Monkey Needing His Parent
    FOR THE FEELING OF LOVE THiS WAY’…
    And it’s true, when i visited my Father’s
    Family, the Children were Required
    to eat with each other Down
    Stairs as they were
    considered
    a Nuisance
    to the Adults
    At A Round Table
    of Love Adults Shared then;
    And this Made me think about
    the Gay Folks; for in my Life these
    People are the Kindest People i’ve ever met;
    Some indeed, close in my Family too, Loving Most
    of all of all People; and Loving All of Nature too; often
    From Being outcast from the Human Family this way…
    So, yes… The Church is offering the Gay Folks a Table
    to sit Downstairs in a Meal of a Civil Union but their
    Love is not considered Enough in Holy and Sacred
    Way to Be Allowed on the Top Floor of the Church
    to Celebrate A Holy and
    Sacred Matrimony
    of Love but you
    See my
    FRiEnD
    This Love
    Wears no
    Clothes of
    Tradition; Agape
    LoVE is naked and
    Pure no matter which
    Body part touches what;
    For THiS Love is REAL more than
    Rules; More than Tradition; THiS
    LoVE Breathes Flicker, Flame, Fire, Bonfire,
    With no Skin at All; This Love is the Color of All that Counts;
    This Love May Be Referred to as “Saint Elmo’s Fire”, another
    Name that Means BRinGeR oF Light; My Mother’s Name Helen In Deed;

    Hehe; You Should Hear the Sound of the Keys i am PUNCHING
    Now they Sound Like the Piano Keys oF A Lion’s Roar in Rhythm And
    Synch of Holy Rhyme
    Creative
    Sacred
    Spirit
    of Love

    THiS LOVE

    Is Real Now; Yes,

    And No, Not Sorry;

    Sadly, in some ways

    Gladly, in some ways

    i am no good at Writing

    Fiction at all as some of the

    Tales may Sound Tall that i write; Yet This

    is Real; this Story of LoVE iNdeed my FRiEnD, Vrunda;

    As Long and Short as the Word Love Actually Breathes

    Now it’s True; THere are Carpenters, THere Are Teachers;

    THere Are Counselors; And Then THere are Story

    Talers NoW Who

    Are Just

    NO GOOD

    At Doing Fiction;

    For they find that

    Reality is ALL the Love that Counts…

    The Answer to Your Story is on Your

    Death Bed in Your Last Breath What

    Ambition to Give to all Your Loved ones my FRiEnD…

    Sadly, i have not Yet met ‘A Church’, A Brick and Mortar Tradition With the ‘Right’

    Answer… But on A Path to India, i often find Women At least, Who Breathe A More

    Correct

    Answer…

    Love is No
    Rule; Love
    Is Pure Magic;
    The Faith of The
    Mustard Tree Seed;
    The Sensing; The Feeling WiTHiN To
    Give And Share Free Wisdom oF LiGHT TRue NoW
    With Least Harm iN Courage, Fear Free Real LoVE
    Fire For All That Makes Evergreen Love Real Truth Now..:)

    This is the Value of Story; For Story is FLoWeR That Births

    All Newer Story Seeds
    And FLoWeRS True

    Real or Fiction

    In THiS Way
    FLoWeR are
    You Dear
    FRiEnD
    i am
    only
    Seed
    You Help Create by Your Story
    These Words Now to FLoWeR
    More Seeds Wherever i Go next…

    Haha, and it wasn’t even Messy, hehe;
    Leaving No worrying Complications either;
    It doesn’t Matter How Old i am and Ugly;
    or How Beautiful And Young You are Still Free…

    We are
    Both
    Still Breathing
    Flowering Seeding Love For All!

    This is what a Blogging Family Does Best Free For ALL!

    And No; No Worries of Any Messy Pandemic Virus Here but Spreading Love!

    i used to Do this at the Dance Hall Just Like the Guy in the Video; And now i’m here….

    The Pandemic
    Yes; Put Out A
    Flame of Saint
    Emo’s Fire at
    The Dance
    Hall but
    A Flicker
    A Flame
    A Torch
    A Bonfire
    Will Always
    Find Another Path to Spread..:)

    i Still do it At Super Walmart and other
    Various places 40 Miles of Public Dancing each Week Masked in Social
    Appropriate Distance Way; But Sadly Without Youth Young or Old With Open

    Souls the

    Message Gets lost…

    Yet True, A Wild FiRE Dance
    And Song Never Gives Up Now

    A

    Saint
    Elmo’s Fire,
    Not Ashamed
    to Dance Sing i am Helen’s Gift;
    Yes, Son of Woman my FRiEnD..:)

    Like

  3. So beautiful~! It would have torn my part away had i not know it was fictional, i know many has gone through this but not a beautiful soul like yours~ 🙈 miss interacting with you~🌷🌸💝

    Liked by 1 person

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