I remember the first day of school, I didn’t want to go. My parents told me that it’s for my own betterment. I have to study hard, get good marks and then every thing will be fine, I will be happy.
In primary school, I wasn’t much interested in schoolwork, sports caught my attention. I loved playing sports, I was the football champion. When I played football I used to loose track of time, I enjoyed perfecting every move and was getting better at it. Even our sports Sir, Mr. Amit encouraged me to pursue this passion further. How happy I was when I played football!
Then it started to bother my parents. They wanted a “secure” future for me. And football is not cricket in India. Even if there were any opportunities, my parents were unaware of them and they forced me to focus on my studies.
I remember asking my mom one day “but why do I have to study when playing football makes me happy?”
Mom replied “it’s for the long term happiness beta.. it’s for your future, your life ahead. You have to study hard, get a good job in a company and everything will be fine. You will be happy”
That day I realised maybe the kind of happiness we have to pursue is the one that is in future. Maybe all my life I need to sacrifice immediate pleasures for future happiness.
After that I started taking my studies seriously, it was hard in the beginning. I didn’t enjoy it one bit. But soon I got comfortable with the rat race. I started spending most of my time studying and eventually stopped going onto the field.
I used to get recognition and praise when I got first rank from family members and some of my friends. Was I happy? Nope. I struggled hard and remember missing out on little joys in life. Like playing football, trekking with my friends, going to my friend’s party. I missed out on this and more.
In highschool I thought maybe now I will be happy. But I was wrong. I had developed a liking of history. I loved those stories of faraway lands and brave warriors and huge empires. It was interesting.
But in highschool, I couldn’t select history as my subject, coz it had nothing to do with the corporate job I was aiming at. Once again I gave up my interest for future happiness.
In highschool I made some really good friends. All of them were quite ambitious. And I wanted to be like them. I wanted to blend in the group. I eventually started comparing myself with them. They were going to various competitions, hustling hard and getting better with every move. I tried to do the same, but I couldn’t keep up at all times. I started feeling bad about myself. It was that time when everyone around me was achieving great things, doing something creative and I didn’t really feel like doing any of those things. Still I kept going. There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I didn’t give up.
After completing my education, I got a good job with good salary. I was really happy that day. I got married in few months and thought maybe now I can be happy. But things didn’t quite turn out as planned. I started hating my job. Every day felt the same. No joy. Nothing good to hold on to. I started living the mechanical life, like a robot. I didn’t even knew what made me happy anymore. I didn’t feel like going to work every day. That made me weak. There was no meaning, no purpose, no happiness in my life. I wanted things to get better. I wanted happiness right now. I couldn’t think straight. I had already suffered enough. Then I started drinking with my friends. After a while since I could find no happiness and no pleasure in my life I liked the feeling alcohol gave me. Inside I was feeling empty. I don’t know why I did what I did from childhood till now. And now I feel stuck.
P.S – guys its a purely fictional story to illustrate my point. It’s not about me or anyone I know.