Boundaries

Since the start of this vacation I’ve been busy meeting all my friends. Different plans with college friends, a few school friends…

Few days back I met one such friend from college. In our group she is – The Helper. She always helps her friends in need and helps everyone she can.

Even if it means she will loose something of her own. Even if she doesn’t need to help. Even if they are in a way using her for her help.

She told me she felt bad that she was always there for everyone, but when she needed someone, no one was there.

I felt bad for her. She needed my advice.

Before I could say anything she told me that she couldn’t quit helping others. She liked doing that even if they weren’t kind enough to acknowledge. But after a while she said… Maybe I do need to stop helping. I feel like I’m loosing myself along the way.

It happens when you care a lot. It happens when you can’t say NO.

There’s this interesting concept in psychology about setting boundaries.

It means being selective in what kind of behaviour you will allow and what kind of behaviour you won’t tolerate. It means letting them know… In a way teaching them how to treat you.

By praising and allowing the behaviour you want.

And stopping, restricting the behaviour you don’t like.

It is not easy always. Many people find it hard to disappoint their close ones and therefore accept even the behaviour they don’t like.

But ask yourself – By doing this are you being true to yourself and to them?

Would you like your relationship to be based on wrong information, fake feelings?

Or

Would you like to present yourself as you are to the person.. with all your messy thoughts and choices?

It also means choosing the people whom you invest your time and energy in.

Not everyone is worth your time and energy. You need to be selective. That’s for yourself and your well being. To protect your energy.

Think of it like this…

There is a door on the ground. It’s a door to your heart.

It is open. Everyone gets to come in and enjoy the warm sunshine inside.

But suddenly it starts getting crowded. So many people wanting to go in and enjoy the sunshine.

Even you don’t feel comfortable being with so many people. They all have different choices, opinions and they drain you. You feel exhausted.

So you take the door and put it on the top of the mountain.

Now, the people who take the effort to climb the mountain for you, get access to that sunshine in your heart.

They need to prove that they are willing to take care of you and let you in their sunlight as well. They need to show they are willing to take efforts as well.

That’s how you protect your energy.

That’s how you become selective at times whom you choose to help and how much you choose to offer.

It might seem hard, like you’re being mean or something.

But trust me when I say, setting boundaries has helped me a lot. It has saved my time and energy to a great extent. I’d like to encourage you all to set healthy boundaries.

When she told me about how lonely and exhausted she felt even after always being there for others.. I realised if she doesn’t stop helping people who don’t acknowledge her worth… She might never feel like helping anyone again.


It has been rightfully said that you can’t pour from a empty cup. You need to take care of yourself first. Make sure your needs are met while exhausting yourself to meet needs of someone else.


31 responses to “Boundaries”

  1. A true friend always stays with you in bad situations also. Isn’t it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. True! Indeed. Thank you Aashutosh!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Love the last paragraph…you can’t pour from an empty cup – deep!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad you liked it my friend! Thank you so much 🙏😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I also find it hard to disappoint my close ones and later I regret or maybe realize ki , was that necessary ??

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happens yaar… And it’s about balance… One person shouldn’t give all the time..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for reading buddy!♥️😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s always been mi pleasure to read ur stuff Vrunda (◔‿◔)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Boundaries, help one to navigate the ebbs and flows of life. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! Indeed!! Glad you liked it! Thank you for reading😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautiful…very nice…sensible…and practical…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement Rajini! Means a lot!!❤️🙏

      Like

      1. Thank you for your writings. I do eagerly wait as to when your next post will arrive in my inbox! Very inspiring and a pleasure to read…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Awww… This made me so happy! Happy to connect with you too Rajini!😊

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Tessa Elizabeth Avatar
    Tessa Elizabeth

    Beautiful write up…

    My mom was nostalgic reading this !

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww… I’m so happy your mom liked this.. Thank you for your kind words Tessa!!❤️🙏

      Like

  7. Perfect! After a long time I have read a post that somehow conveyed what I believe in and practice in day to day life. Things don’t work single handedly. Things work when effort is from both the ends. On separate note, be ready to lose people before setting boundaries because people hardly realise why they are in place and might chose to take easier path that’s leaving. So yeah, it’s tough applying for the ones close to your heart. Good one Vru. 👌 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Always love hearing from you Pratik! I am so glad you could relate to this. As they say ‘tali ek hath se nahi bajti’ Efforts are required from both sides.. Thank you so much for your kind words and appreciation as always!!🤗 Means a lot!❤️🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I spend quiet time with God. He refreshes my soul.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s really nice.❤️

      Like

  9. This is such a good post Vru…!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank youuuu Savio!😊

      Like

  10. I’d like to add here…helping people out is a good deed…however, if it starts to become a strain and people start taking advantage.. then it gets tricky. But if being helpful is your USP, I’ll say go for it. People may not always appreciate ibut they will surely remember.
    Imagine yourself as the candle that brings light into people’s lives
    Don’t keep count…just be ‘You’ and do what you do best!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, but while doing that make sure you don’t put yourself at a subordinate position to that person who doesn’t even matter that much.. coz relationships work with give and take.. there should be some balance..

      Like

  11. You’re 1 short of 3 figures in this one!! Deserves to be out of the nervous 90s.😄

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha… Thanks for the 3figures gift! 😁

      Like

  12. Yeah it crossed!😄🤘🏻

    Like

  13. Mathew Philip Avatar
    Mathew Philip

    Loved it

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: